Housekeeping
by Cells-girl
Summary: What if Arkham had housekeepers just like motels do? My day to day life leads me from one smoking hot patient to another. Why can't my job ever be easy? Crane/ScarecrowXOC RiddlerXOC JokerXOC Sequel is now up Mommy Fiercest! Read it!
1. Chapter 1

Housekeeping

Hello all, you can blame my muse for this one. It's been banging at my head like the other ones. I'm just going to take the liberties with the inner workings of Arkham Asylum in that they have housekeeping like a normal motel, kinda. Let me know if I miss anything, I've never worked in housekeeping so I'm just gonna wing it.

All flames will be used to cook a proper lunch for all sexy men mentioned below.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my character.  
**

Enjoy.

_Thoughts_

**Alternate Personality Talking**

Speaking

Chapter one: New Job Description.

* * *

Monday

I've been working at the asylum for about two weeks now and am just starting to get used to the routine. My new name tag/key card hung from a lanyard around my neck. A small walkie talkie hung from the front of my blouse. My jeans were freshly cleaned and my white tennis shoes were finally broken in. The trolley seemed to be easier to push every day and I was starting to get used to cleaning.

Now don't get me wrong, the asylum was a very dangerous place. I was assigned to cleaning the coma ward at first. Nothing easier then cleaning down a room without worrying about being grabbed, fondled or stabbed. I had access to most of the cells in Arkham but I never strayed from my area. I wasn't stupid, the few times I helped assist cleaning the cell of a 'normal' resident it was hell. Some liked to draw on their walls with whatever they could find blood, feces and even vomit. I had a special mask I wore whenever I had to clean a messy cell; I took the liberties and made my mask smell like lilacs. The harsh smell of vapor rub wasn't the most pleasant.

"Employee please respond." The radio on my chest crackled to life pulling me from my thoughts.

"This is Victoria, current position ward E responding." I leaned against my cleaning cart waiting to see where I would be sent next.

"Please respond to cell number 4457. Patient in therapy and room needs attending. Meet with Tami for instructions." The radio went silent and I blew some of my red hair from my face. I made sure that my cart was stocked then headed for the elevator, swiping my badge and entering my code. The doors opened with a small 'whoosh' and I stepped inside the violently bright elevator. I had never been to the fourth floor before, I wondered why my route was changing. There was no elevator music just the soft hum of the machine. With a 'ding' the doors opened and I strode down the fourth floor corridor following the room numbers until I met Tami.

"Oh yay you're finally here!" Tami was blonde. She was also skinny with nice assets. She stood several inches taller then my 5'3" frame and was tanned almost orange. "I'm sorry that you've been pulled from your ward so early in your training." She pouted and pointed at the cell before me. "You are being reassigned to my ward for the time being until other arrangements have been made. Consider it like a promotion." She smiled.

"A promotion?" I was confused but Tami quickly opened the door and ushered me into the cell.

"Yes. There was an accident. One of the other girls is taking over coma wing until she can be replaced. You get moved up to serial killers and general psychotic loonies." Tami waved around the cell. "Usually they're allowed to decorate the way they see fit, we don't touch it unless it's covered in body fluids or ordered to be detained. We just clean the floor, strip the bed and leave new sheets on top of the mattress. Let me make this clear, don't take the time to make the bed yourself." She pointed a finger in my face. "Don't want to be caught in here with a patient do you? Anyways just clean the sink and the toilet and polish the metal wall above the sink. No mirrors allowed. Make sure not to leave anything, and I mean anything, in a cell. Most of these patients could kill a guard with a paper straw. Before you go into a cell you radio in where you are at, make sure to ask if the patient is in room. If the patient is in, ask if it's safe to clean. A lot of the patients are heavily sedated so you'll just clean everything but the bed. Never move a patient or touch them and by all means don't let them touch you."

"Alright." I was getting overwhelmed quickly. I didn't have my notepad and she was speaking so fast.

"Okay then, I'm going to go back to my cleaning area and get back to work. Feel free to radio for me if you need any help." She hurried to the door and swiped her card to open the cell.

"Wait do I need to radio in that I'm in here?" I followed her out to grab my cleaning cart.

"Oh don't worry about it. I'll radio in that you've been trained and are cleaning the rooms. Just call in the next one okay?" She smiled then walked off leaving me to my work.

"Okay well here goes nothing." I pulled the cleaning trolley into the room and began cleaning. Hopefully by tomorrow I could get this all sorted out.

Tuesday

I signed in at the time clock and headed to the showers to prepare for the day. The head of housekeeping was out in meetings for the rest of the week so I'll just have to do my best with what I've got. After changing into my uniform I loaded my cart and stepped out to the main hallway.

"Employee Victoria checking in. Good morning." I sighed and walked towards the elevator hoping that I would be back in coma ward today.

"Good morning V. You're needed to clean room 4513. Patient is sedated and it is safe to clean inside." The voice sounded unusually chipper this morning but I shrugged it off to a wicked batch of awesome coffee and pushed the button to go up.

I found the room easily enough and double checked my supplies before clicking my walkie. "V arriving at room 4513." I checked in then walked to the door, opening the small covered peep hole to see inside. There was a man in a straightjacket lying in bed facing away from me. I swiped my badge and grabbed just a few basic cleaning supplies stepped inside.

"Good morning 4513." I was nervous but tried not to show it. His room was clean but I wiped down most of the fixtures anyways. After polishing the metal above the sink to a near mirror shine I sighed and rubbed my forehead.

"Rough day?" His voice made me jump. Turning around I saw that he hadn't bothered to get up just lay there and watch me. His startling blue eyes seemed to draw me in and I had to pull my gaze away from him. His brown hair was messy and clumped together from lack of care. He had dark circles under his eyes and his lips were pale and chapped. Even in his current state he was handsome.

"Day is just beginning 4513. And I'm really not supposed to be talking to you." I made sure all my cleaning supplies and dirty paper towels were in my apron and not left in his cell. Even restrained this man could hurt me.

"Oh you're allowed to talk to the patients, just not let them touch you." He was smirking showing a bit of blood on his teeth. "You just can't touch or be touched. Really hating that rule right now."

"And how do you know the rules for the staff?" I was curious as I readied to leave his cell.

"Well I did use to work here. I was, am a doctor. Jonathan Crane at your service. Well mostly, just not when my other side comes out. Would you like to meet him?" He grinned impishly and his eyes seemed to darken.

"I really need to leave now, lots of other rooms to clean." I swiped my badge and punched in my code. The door opened and I quickly slipped out and shut the door.

"Make sure to come back soon, haven't had a nice view in awhile. We both appreciate it!" I could hear him through the door and dumped my dirty towels into my trash bin and rubbed my arms.

_Why are all the sexy ones crazy?_ Sighing I grabbed my walkie. "Room 4513 cleaned awaiting next assignment." Why couldn't I just get a printout of my rooms so I could do them all at once? The day droned on as I cleaned several other rooms most in good shape, one needed new plumbing, and hoped that it was almost time to go home.

"Please report to room 4217. Patient in therapy."

The radio clicked off and I pushed my cart slowly back down the hallway. I was kind of glad this room was empty. As I opened the door I was met by several large green question marks drawn crudely across the cell. I stripped the bed and tossed the sheets in my laundry bin before setting new ones on the bare mattress. I swept and mopped the floor and cleaned the sink and toilet. As I was polishing the metal above the sink I could hear footsteps coming down the hall so I finished up quickly. Making sure that nothing was left behind I swiped my badge, entered my code and walked out into the hallway.

"Well riddle me this! What fair maiden cleans my box, glows like amber rain and makes my heart go a patter?"

"What?" I turned and saw a tall red haired man in restraints standing between two tired looking orderlies. He was grinning from ear to ear and eyeing me in a way I didn't like.

"Don't bother to answer him miss. It just eggs him on." The guards sighed before grabbing his arms and leading him back into his cell. The patient didn't struggle but continued to eye me until he was obscured by the door. I decided that I lingered long enough and grabbed my walkie.

"V reporting, 4217 cleaned waiting next assignment." The guards came out of the room carrying the restraints and looking annoyed. Not bothering me a second glance they walked down the hall and disappeared around a corner. They hadn't bothered to close the covered peep hole so I walked over to do it.

"V report to room 4653. Wait for armed escort before cleaning room." The radio clicked off. Armed escort? I looked up and jumped seeing the patient staring intently at me through the glass.

"Be careful in that room honey, he's crazy." The man laughed a bit to himself. He stopped as I went to shut the cover. "Wait! You never asked my name. If we're going to go out again you certainly should know that."

"We're not going out 4217." How long had it been since a woman cleaned the rooms around here?

"Edward Nigma at your service. Now run along little V. Papa needs to think up some riddles for therapy on Thursday." He disappeared from view and I shut the cover.

"Maybe I should get a new job." Hanging my head in confusion I headed down the hall towards my last room of the day. There were four guards standing outside the room looking nervous and anxiously grabbing at their stun guns and batons. My hopes for a quick clean were dashed as my cart rolled up to them. "Everything alright?"

The guards didn't respond and one actually pulled me back several feet along with my cart. He then stood in front of me as the other three stormed into the cell. I could hear laughing and the buzz of electricity before it went silent. They dragged out a man with green hair and scars on both sides of his mouth. He seemed unconscious and they quickly strapped restraints on him. The guard in front of me stepped away and motioned me to the cell.

This cell was not an easy clean, the man had stained his sink green and there was paint over all his linens and even on the wall. It took me nearly an hour to buff most of the dye out of the sink and the makeup off the metal above it. My hands hurt, my feet hurt and my back was aching. I triple checked that nothing was left behind before leaving the cell. I could feel myself dragging, I would probably just pass right out after I got home.

"All clean guys." I pushed the cart several feet down the hall before stopping to pop my back.

The guards never bothered to remove the restraints on the patient. They threw him in head first and slammed the door shut. As quickly as the door shut most of the guards walked off some still holding onto their batons. The last guard stood for a moment staring into the cell before slamming the cover so hard that it bounced back open. He was halfway down the hall before I could say anything. I should just leave it be and radio out. Sighing I walked over and looked through the peep hole. The room was empty. I leaned closer and nearly screamed as two brown eyes popped into view.

"Well, well what do we have here?" His voice was rough and strained and I quickly slammed the cover shut and made sure it was locked. A loud laugh came through the door and I heard a banging sound from the other side. "Don't run doll face it only makes me wanna chase you more!"

"V reporting room 4653 cleaned. Dropping off laundry and checking out." My voice was shaking and I pushed my cart faster then I should have down the hall. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the radio crackled to life. I had to stop and catch my breath.

"Affirmative V. Have a good day." Once again the radio was silent and I pushed my cart a little slower. If only I could get to the elevator without another incident that would be great. The doors to the elevator were just starting to close as I neared them.

"Hold the doors please!" The guard inside quickly stuck his hand between the doors to hold them for me. I pushed my cart to the side and leaned back against the wall. "Second floor please."

"Rough day?" That voice again. My jaw nearly dropped when I looked over to see a restrained Crane smiling and leaning against the far wall. The guard stepped in between us but that didn't deter him. "Now why would you have any reason to look that down?"

"Shut it Crane, just leave the lady alone." The guard was older and bald, his cheeks dashed with gray stubble. His uniform had seen some use and was hanging off his frame. He looked close to retirement and was probably looking forward to it.

"Aww Henry let me talk to her, after all she does clean my room now." Crane leaned forward to look around the guard at me. "Poor thing looks worked half to death. She needs a good man to take care of her."

"Crane I'm not going to warn you again." Henry pushed him back against the wall of the elevator and put a hand on his baton. "Cafeteria food is a privilege. Another word and your back to cold sandwiches and juice boxes."

The doors opened on the third floor and Henry grabbed Crane's arm leading him out of the elevator. Next thing I knew Henry was bleeding from the nose and Crane had pushed me back up against my cart. He leaned down pressing his forehead against mine and staring deep into my eyes.

"Don't worry about me baby. I'll take care of you from now on." He crushed his lips against mine before he was pulled away and thrown out into the hallway. Henry kicked him in the ribs but before I could react the doors slid closed with a quiet click and I was heading down.

I rushed to the laundry room in a daze and dropped off all the dirty linens. Next I emptied the trash down the chute in the corner. My legs were shaking and I took a moment to hold onto my cart. Why were all the hot ones crazy? I made it to the shower rooms and took a cold shower before putting my street clothes on and punching out for the day. Tomorrow was my day off and I was surely going to need it. I practically ran for the door and out to my car. Looking up at the asylum I felt safe knowing that at least none of them could follow me home.


	2. Let's Play Doctor

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but Victoria**

Found a song that I think applies to Dr. Crane at least in my head while writing this chapter. Will be posting it throughout this chapter. Song is 'Help Me Doctor Dick' by E-Rotic. I own nothing. Enjoy.

_Thoughts_

**Alternate Personality Voice**

Speaking

* * *

_I'm your Doc Doc Doctor Dick  
And when you're feelin' sick Babe  
I know a trick  
It's sex - you need sex -  
You'll be feelin' alright  
So let's have sex_

_Together and forever tonight_  
_I'm your Doc Doc Doctor Doctor Dick_  
_And I'm gonna heal you with_  
_My fabolous stick_  
_So undress - please undress -_  
_But don't be a sleeper_  
_I will touch you -_  
_I will touch you -_  
_deeper_

Wednesday

I signed in as usual and sighed as I walked to the showers. I would need another cold one before heading around with my cart. For some reason I couldn't get Crane out of my head and it was really distracting me. I showered and dressed in my work shirt and apron. The walkie was attached to the front of my shirt and I loaded my cart stocking extra cleaning solution in case I needed to clean 4653 again.

"Good morning V checking in." I fixed my hair again and stepped into the elevator pressing 4.

"Good morning V please respond to room 4513. Patient sedated and guard waiting." I raised an eyebrow at this bit of information and felt safer. I pushed my cart down the halls and checked in with Henry. He looked less then pleased to be standing in front of Crane's door and had a large gauze bandage over his nose.

"Morning Henry." I pulled my name badge out to swipe it and punched in my code.

"Morning miss. He shouldn't be a problem today, they stuck him just a few moments ago." He looked straight ahead dismissing me.

"Morning 4513." I pried my eyes off his prone form and began cleaning. I started humming to myself as I cleaned and softly broke out into song. If he was out I could sing without worry. I used to sing to my coma cleaning patients since they couldn't say no.

_Come on please help me Dr. Dick  
I need your love - I feel so sick  
I need a kick  
And you're so big  
Oh doctor please - deep deep deeper  
Help me Dr. Dick  
My fever's risin' please come quick_

I walked over and cleaned the sink making sure it was scrubbed thoroughly. I started on the metal above the sink and continued to sing to myself softly.

_I know you know a little trick  
Oh doctor please - deep deep deeper  
__Come on help me Dr. Dick  
Come on Dr. help me quick  
deeper  
Come on help me Dr. Dick  
Come on Dr. help me quick  
deeper_

_I'm your Doc Doc Doctor Dick_  
_Oh baby I can heal your nervous tick_  
_So lay down - just lay down -_  
_I will check what is wrong_  
_So get a thrill - take this pill -_  
_It moves you along_

I finished the wall to a mirror shine and smiled to myself. I made sure all my cleaning supplies and dirty towels were accounted for and backed up to leave. Or I would have if there weren't a warm wall standing behind me. I turned around and Crane was standing there his eyes slightly glazed over and a dark fire burning behind them. He tugged at his straightjacket once and seeing it was secure he frowned. His eyes caught mine and I couldn't read him. I started to call out for Henry but was head-butted onto the mattress and the breath was knocked out of me.

_I'm your Doc Doc Doctor Doctor Dick  
I can make you feel good  
And you can make me big  
And for sure - get a cure -  
'Cos you are not a peeper  
I will touch you I will touch you  
deeper_

"Welcome back baby. I can see you missed me." He straddled me with one leg on either side of my body. The jacket had a strap between his legs to better restrain him and I could see the fabric straining against a noticeable bulge. My throat went dry and I looked up at him.

"Crane you need to let me go, Henry is just outside the door." I spoke slowly and tried to sit up. He paused for a moment before leaning down to face me, his hot breath against my cheek.

"Let him hear baby, just let me out and I'll show you what its like to have two men at once. Crane and Scarecrow." He grinned evilly and struggled with his bonds again. I pushed him as hard as I could causing him to loose his balance and fall off the bed. I rushed to the door and grabbed my name badge preparing to swipe it. Crane groaned loudly in pain and I turned to see him writhing on the floor. I couldn't help myself and rushed to his side flipping him onto his back.

"Crane?" I was still cautious and not going to let him surprise me like that again. He whispered something so I leaned close to hear.

"Baby?" It came out more like a whine before he lunged forward and ground his lips to mine. I pulled away and he was up onto his knees in a moment kissing me all over again. All thought went out the window and I kissed back. A loud banging on the door pried me away from him.

"You alright in there Miss?" Henry banged on the door again.

"Y-yes Henry. Almost done just a moment." I caught my breath and looked back at Crane. His leaned forward again to try and catch my lips but I stood quickly. His lips missed their mark and his mouth landed on the zipper for my jeans. I froze, he froze. Suddenly the door burst open and Henry barged in and even he froze. I looked at Henry like a deer caught in the headlights. Henry's face suddenly grew as red as an apple.

"Crane what the hell did I tell you! You flipping perverted rapist! Get off her!" Henry grabbed me and threw me out into the hall. I heard the door slam closed and suddenly I was pulled up and faced a red faced guard. "Did he touch you?" He was shaking me and my arms were sure to be bruised.

"He fell off his bed as I was leaving. Poor placement on my part. Nothing happened." My face was red and I was sure my lips were bruised from the kissing. Henry calmed down and took a deep breath.

"Be careful with this one miss. You remind me of my daughter and I don't want anything to happen to you. I'll go apologize to him later just get on with your rounds." He let me go and walked back to peer into the room.

"V finished cleaning room 4513. Waiting next assignment." I was trembling and quickly emptied the dirty supplies into my cart and grabbed the handles to push it away.

"V please report to room 4379 for cleaning. Patient is in medical ward, please abide by all Hazmat guidelines."

"Oh goodie." I quickly arrived to the room and found it covered in blood. "Well at least it's not shit." I looked up and saw blood on the ceiling. I would have to call maintenance for that one. I grabbed my radio as I searched for my protective gown and gloves. "Housekeeper Victoria to Maintenance technicians."

"This is Larry in Maintenance what's your problem babe?" He sounded young and rushed.

"Room 4379 needs assistance in cleaning, Hazmat protocol." The silence seemed to stretch several moments before my walkie crackled to life.

"Be there soon just do what you can. Good luck."

"Oh I'm gonna need it." I snapped some latex gloves on and tied my protective gown tight. I slipped on a face guard and rubber covers over my shoes. I would need a new mop after this. Even going to have to change out my linen basket. Sighing I began the cleaning and two hours later I had what I could clean. The mattress would need to be changed and the ceiling was still soaked in blood. A hand tapped my shoulder making me jump and drop my mop.

"Oh sorry babe, just letting you know I'll take over here." I turned and saw a tall lanky man with stringy blonde hair and thick glasses. This must be Larry. He wore a blue jumpsuit and had a cart larger then mine parked in the hallway.

"Thanks Larry." I stripped off my protective clothing and shoved it into the linen basket. I pulled out my radio and pulled my hair from my eyes. "V reporting, Larry taking over room 4379. I need to clean my cart, awaiting next cleaning."

"Report to room 4217 when you can. Patient won't leave room without seeing you." I shook my head and headed down to the laundry room. There was a hazmat corner and I shoved everything into a red bag before sending it down the chute. I had to take another shower, cold again, and pulled out another set of clean work clothes from my locker. Bracing myself I restocked my now clean cart and headed back upstairs. I was greeted by a loud shouting match as I neared room 4217.

"No! I won't leave before I see her. Stop trying to break us apart!" He was shouting and banging his head against the side of the door as two doctors looked on. A guard prepared to taze him so I quickly called out.

"Edward calm down!" He instantly turned to my direction and stood up fully. I could see blood trickling down his cheek and he smiled as big as he could.

"Baby doll! I heard a nasty rumor that you were sleeping with Crane, but now I see that all your love is just for me!" He tried to move around the guard but was met by a quick punch to the gut and a shot from one of the doctors. His body went slack and he was just carelessly tossed back into his cell.

"You girl what's your name?" The doctor who had injected Edward stepped up to me looking less then amused.

"Victoria sir, I'm just here to clean.."

"I'm reporting you for inappropriate conduct with a patient. Watch your ass." He stormed off leaving me confused.

"I never did anything with him! I swear!" The guard knocked me over as he passed and the last doctor followed him down the hall with a swish of fabric. I was confused and sure that my wrist was screwed up thanks to the fall. "What did I do?" I still needed to do my job so I opened Edward's cell and began cleaning it. He had crawled under his bed and didn't respond to my calls. I found little notes scattered around his room as he had been trying to figure out my name. I felt bad for him so I leaned down next to his bed before I left.

"Hey Edward?" No response. "My name is Victoria, please don't do this again. I hate to see you hurt." I left his cell and prepared for the next one.

"V finished with room 4217 awaiting next room." I sighed and leaned heavily against my cart.

"V finish up with room 4653. Patient sedated and restrained guards stationed outside." I froze, hadn't I been through enough? This guy again?

"Hope he's really out this time." The walk to his room seemed to take forever but the guards outside his room seemed in better moods then before.

"Careful miss, he's out but never can tell for how long. Especially with him." The younger guard let me in and held the door open.

"Thanks." I cleaned his room and kept an eye on 4653. He once again had makeup smeared over most every wall in the room. I scrubbed it clean and cleaned his sink. As I was scrubbing the metal to a mirror finish I heard a shuffling from the bed. Turning quickly I saw him sit up and lick his lips, the scars ever prominent on his cheeks. He looked over at me and his brown eyes seemed to light up in amusement.

"Well hello there pretty lady." His voice was slow and slurred as if he were forcing himself awake. "Glad I caught you this time." A slow chuckle escaped his lips.

"Okay miss time to go." One of the guards quickly pulled me out and they locked his door. Double checking that it was properly secured they made sure I was alright before leaving. Apparently their job was done once the room was clean.

"Hey Red wait up." 4653 was at his peephole and staring out at me.

"That's not my name." I walked over to slam the cover shut in his face.

"Aww common can't a guy just stare at a woman's ass without everyone getting up in arms?" I could see him licking his lips as he spoke again. "Now doll, better get your things packed up all nice and neat. When I'm out we're going places." He laughed loud and shrill. I slammed the cover closed and locked it. My feet couldn't get me to the elevator fast enough. I would have ran if a voice hadn't ripped me from my panicked thoughts.

"Hey baby." Crane's peephole had been left open, the hallway light spilling into his darkened room.

"Don't hey baby me." I went to slam his cover shut so I could leave.

"We miss you. Come on in, no restraints this time. I'll be your Doctor Dick. Help you cure your ills d-d-deeper." No doubt he was grinning and I closed the cover. I was blushing as red as my hair. No doubt that if I went in I wouldn't be able to walk out on my own.

"Sorry Crane. I only do that at home and you're stuck here." I heard a bang against the door he must have kicked it, the cover to his peephole swung open once more.

"Baby please, at least dress this cut on my back. Don't want it to be infected." He was pleading.

"Crane." I sighed.

"Yes baby?" He sounded drowsy and sexy.

"I'll see you next time I clean." The hallway was empty and quiet seeming to stretch on before my eyes.

"Maybe sooner." He was looking out at me again, icy blue eyes staring from behind the glass. What did I get myself into? I closed the cover to his door softly and grabbed my cart.

"V checking out for the day."

"Have a good day V. See you tomorrow." The voice sounded the same as usual as if nothing had happened. I thought I was home free until I passed cell 4217.

"I'm going to kill him you know." Edward's voice rang out from behind the door. I froze looking into his green eyes through the glass. "No one takes my baby doll away from me. He'll learn a lesson in pain." He disappeared from view and I shakily pushed my cart to the elevator. He wouldn't kill him would he? I dumped my cart and headed to the showers. I needed yet another one today, and probably one when I got home. I just need to focus on tomorrow. Everything's always better then right?


	3. Everyone wants a Piece

Housekeeping

Thanks to everyone who sent in a review. Been listening to a lot of E-Rotic lately and though that this song fit in this chapter. It's called "Gimme Gimme Gimme". I don't own it but it's very good.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but Victoria. **

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Voice**

Speaking

Chapter 3: Everyone wants a piece

* * *

_Gimme gimme gimme your love (your love)  
Gimme gimme gimme your heart (your heart)  
Gimme gimme gimme your passion baby  
Let your body take part  
So let's go_

_Gimme gimme gimme your love_  
_Baby heat me up_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your smile_  
_I want you_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your body babe_  
_And stay with me for awhile_

Thursday

I stumbled into work on edge and feeling like I hadn't slept at all. My right wrist was bandaged from the fall yesterday. Just a sprain luckily. I did my usual routine of shower, dress and loading my cart before checking in for the day.

"V checking in. Good morning." I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and strapped my radio to my shirt once again.

"Morning V. Room 4217 needs cleaning patient in therapy." The radio cut off with a soft click.

"Oh goodie." I stepped into the elevator and pressed 4 once again. The elevator hummed softly and the doors opened with a soft ding. 4217 was unguarded so I let myself in and began cleaning. It was a mess. Edward had scribbled my name several times across his room. There were new green question marks all over his cell that I once again needed to scrub off. Once I got to the metal above his sink I noticed he had written a riddle there for me. 'What is red, dresses in blue and will break my bed right in two?' I closed my eyes and shook my head. The riddle scrubbed of easily and I polished the metal to a mirror shine. I made sure nothing was left behind before slipping back out into the hallway. "V done with room 4217." I rubbed my wrist absently while waiting for my next room.

_I won't hold it back on you  
Come on come on, our dreams come true  
I want you so don't you deny  
That you, you, you want to fly  
Forever we can make it tonight  
I really want to hold you tight  
A little bit is not enough  
So gimme gimme gimme your love_

_Oh baby_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your love_  
_'Cause I need it so_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your heart_  
_Come close and_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your passion baby_  
_Let your body take part_  
_So let's go_

"V report to room 4335 patient in protective lockup. Room has been searched for contraband. Linens safe to handle."

"Here we go." This one sounded easy and it was. I pushed the mattress back onto the bed support and began stripping the linens and cleaning the floor. I set a new pile of sheets on the bed and wiped down the walls and fixtures. The metal didn't need much polishing and saved me some time. With a click I was back out into the hallway and dumping the dirty towels into my cart. "V done with room 4335 awaiting orders."

"V please report to room 4653. Patient in therapy safe to clean unescorted."

"Finally!" I quickly hurried to the room and let myself in. My hopes were dashed when I found the room looking like a tornado struck it. He had written "Ha Ha Ha" over a hundred times on the wall and his sink was covered in black, white and red paint. His bed had spots of green dye over it. I rubbed my wrist before grabbing my mop, this had better clean up on the first go or I'd kick his ass myself.

_Gimme gimme gimme your love  
Baby heat me up  
Gimme gimme gimme your smile  
I want you  
Gimme gimme gimme your body babe  
And stay with me for awhile  
So come on_

_Gimme gimme gimme your love (your love)_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your heart (your heart)_

_All you do is call to me_  
_It's not so easy can't you see_  
_I want you, but I want you too much_  
_But I'm so wild 'till we touch_  
_Oh baby give me all you've got_  
_Come on let my mind get hot_  
_Baby make my engine start_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your heart_

I was sitting on the now clean bed staring at the squeaky clean room around me. My feet and wrist were killing me. I lifted my arms above my head to stretch my back out when the door swung open.

"Oh hell yes finally. Finally a mint left on my pillow." 4653 was struggling against the guards holding him. He was smirking and staring right at me. My face paled and I quickly lowered my arms and stood up. I couldn't leave the room without getting close to him.

"Hurry miss this ones slippery." One of the guards pulled him back with a grunt of effort. I quickly fled the room and heard the door slam closed. I started loading my cart and froze. I had left a bottle of cleaner in the room. I turned and found the guards gone already.

"Oh crap." I looked in the room and 4653 had gotten out of his restraints and was shaking the bottle at me with a giant smile on his face.

"Oh no look what someone forgot." He laughed and reclined onto his bed. "Better come and get it."

I grabbed my radio to call for a guard but stopped when one walked around the corner. I looked back into the room then back at the guard. "Hey can I get a little help here please?" The guard noticed what room I was in front of and quickly rushed to my side.

"Miss I'm going to need you to step back." He pulled out his tazer and brashly flung open the door to the room. "Joker that's enough now give me the bottle and no one gets medicated with watts today. I've packed a double just for you."

"Oh Steven you've ruined all my fun. Was going to get that tasty mint all to myself today." I heard the zap of electricity and the guard walked out of the room with my bottle. Closing the door he looked at me smirking.

"Next time don't leave anything in his cell. I won't report you if you don't report me." He tossed me the bottle and as he went to leave I felt a firm pinch on my ass.

"Hey don't do that!" I jumped away from him and he strode away as if nothing had happened. This was so not my day. I slammed the cleaning bottle down on my cart and took a moment to calm my nerves. "V finished with room 4653. Awaiting next room assignment."

"V please report to room 4513 patient in medical ward. Hazmat guidelines applied." I was rushing down the hall even before my radio clicked off.

"Oh god Edward you didn't do it did you?" I slipped my name tag into the reader and fumbled with my code. I was expecting a scene from a horror movie. The door opened and I noticed that there was only blood on the bed. The walls were clean, the floor had a small trail of blood leading to the door. Nothing was out of place. My throat was dry as I clicked my radio on. "V to maintenance please respond."

"Hey V this is Larry at your service what's up?" He sounded chipper.

"Need a new mattress for room 4513. Hazmat protocol." I slipped my gown and gloves on then covered my feet with the rubber booties. _Was he hurt because of me?_

"Be right there babe." The radio went quiet and I stripped the linens from the bed. I mopped up the blood and dumped everything into my basket. I didn't wait for Larry and shut the door behind me.

"V finished with room 4513. Larry to finish Hazmat cleaning. Dumping my Hazmat material awaiting next room assignment." I pushed my cart to the elevator and made it to the laundry room before my legs gave out under me. Was he dead? Did I cause this? With great effort I dumped everything into a red bag and shoved it into the chute. I cleaned up and restocked my sanitized cart before heading back to work.

The end of the day didn't come fast enough for me. I signed out and headed home to nurse my wounds and finish off my pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

_Oh baby  
Gimme gimme gimme your love  
'Cause I need it so  
Gimme gimme gimme your heart  
Come close and  
Gimme gimme gimme your passion baby  
Let your body take part  
So let's go_

_Gimme gimme gimme your love_  
_Baby heat me up_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your smile_  
_I want you_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your body babe_  
_And stay with me for awhile_  
_So come on_

Friday

I trudged to work hoping that I wouldn't have to clean up anymore blood. I had been up most of the night with nightmares. I finished my usual routine and pushed my cart onto the elevator.

"Good morning V checking in." I tried to sound more upbeat then I felt.

"Morning V. Please report to med wing on second floor. Doctors request assistance for care of patient."

"I'm needed to clean a patient?" Was I being 'promoted' again? I was a housekeeper not a nurse.

"Temporary assignment V. Don't worry." The radio clicked off and I pressed 2 waiting for the doors to click shut.

_Gimme gimme gimme your love (your love)  
Gimme gimme gimme your heart (your heart)_

_Gimme gimme gimme your love (your heart)_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your heart (your heart)_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your passion baby_  
_Let your body take part_  
_So let's go_

_Gimme gimme gimme your love_  
_'Cause I need it so_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your heart_  
_Come close and_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your passion baby_  
_Let your body take part_  
_So let's go_

I left my cart outside the door to the medical wing as a nurse quickly grabbed me and pulled me into a room.

"Finally you got here. He won't take his medications or let us treat him until he sees you." Her eyes were accusing. I assumed that Edward was here and putting up a fuss. She pulled me into the room and up to a bed. "Here she is now take your medications and let us help you." I looked down at the bed and saw Crane sitting there looking like hell. He was pale and had bags under his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in awhile and was handcuffed to the bed. He was topless and I could see a long cut going down his chest from his shoulder to just above his navel. It didn't look deep but had apparently been bleeding a lot, the sheets around him stained with blood. He didn't have any IV's and was struggling against his bonds.

"Hey baby, come to take care of me now?" He tried to smile but his head fell back against the pillows. He was gasping for air and beads of sweat trailed down his body. Was he in pain? Did he have an infection?

"Crane." My throat was dry. I didn't know what to say.

"Don't worry baby I'll be good now. I'll take that IV and those meds now. But I want her here, get a chair." His eyes were barely showing as he seemed almost unconscious. The nurse let go of me and suddenly had an IV with a bag of blood and fluids next to him. I flinched as she jammed a needle into his arm to start the IV. I hated needles. A guard came in with a chair and set it next to his bed, but not too close.

"I'm supposed to be working. I don't think they want me in here all day." I wanted to leave, this was getting to be too much for me.

"Sorry miss, orders from the boss. If he'll take his meds and behave you'll stay here till he's healed." He walked over to the door and stood facing in at both of us. "Don't worry I'll be here all day if I need to be." He smiled and stood at attention making me feel a little bit safer.

The chair was uncomfortable, a small plastic seat on metal legs. I scooted away from the bed and sighed to myself. _What a great day this turned out to be._

_Gimme gimme gimme your love  
Baby heat me up  
Gimme gimme gimme your smile  
I want you  
Gimme gimme gimme your body babe  
And stay with me for awhile  
So come on_

_Gimme gimme gimme your love (your love)_  
_Gimme gimme gimme your heart (your heart)_

It was nearing time to check out and I was ready to go. True to his word the guard stood all day making sure Crane didn't do anything to me. The most that happened was Crane breaking out of sedation for a moment to make sure I was still there. How anyone could not be unconscious after being pumped full of sedation was beyond me. I couldn't even leave the room when the nurse stitched him up though. I watched her put forty-seven black stitches across his chest. I felt queasy and had to look away. I was so looking forward to going home when my radio crackled to life.

"V hope your not heading home. You've been assigned overnight weekend hours. Hope you're comfy in med ward."

The guard's radio crackled to life and he stepped into the hallway to take it. He looked troubled when he stepped back in. "I'll be back as soon as I can miss. Trouble in the cafeteria, need to help break it up." He looked at Crane then hurried down the hall.

"Seriously!" I hung my head into my hands and leaned over the side of the chair. Not only was I stuck here till Monday but it seemed I was now babysitting. He was already attached to me as it was, how will he act knowing I was going to be sitting next to him all weekend long?

"Oh yes just stay right like that." His voice was horse. I looked up and found him staring intently down my shirt. While I was loathing in self pity I had created a nice gap for him to stare down.

"You're wounded Crane. Keep it to yourself." I sighed and quickly sat up adjusting my shirt. I was angry and tired. Thanks to him I hadn't eaten all day and I was quickly becoming cranky. He sat up a bit and looked as if he had something to say but was interrupted by a cafeteria worker strutting in with two trays.

"Hope you're all hungry." He smiled as if nothing was wrong and set a tray in front of Crane and one by me. "The special today is a hot turkey sandwich smothered in gravy with mashed potatoes. There is cherry jell-o for desert. I snuck some Mr. Pibb in for you all to drink too. Enjoy!" As quickly as he came in he was gone leaving me holding my tray and trying not to drool all over.

"Smells almost as good as you do." Crane smirked until he tried to lift his hands to eat. Both had been cuffed to the sides of the bed and growled a bit while tugging on his restraints.

"Crane stop, if you promise not to touch me I'll feed you." I set my tray on the table next to me and stood up. He almost looked as if he could break the handcuffs and I most certainly didn't want him having free hands around me. He smiled a mile wide as I pushed a button raising his bed to a sitting position.

"Oh I won't touch, but can you keep your hands off me?"

"Oh look jell-o." I shoved some into his face to shut him up. Maybe I should have used a fork because he sucked on my fingers for a moment. Not making that mistake again I used the plastic fork to feed him and 'accidentally' stabbed his tongue with it. He ate his meal silently and drained his soda before laying back down and just watching me.

I ate in silence and tried to ignore him. He would make noises in his throat every time I would eat some jell-o. I couldn't help it that I could only eat jell-o with my hands. Every time I slipped a cube of jiggly goodness into my mouth he would groan and tug on his restraints. I sucked my fingers clean and finished my Pibb. I prayed that he wouldn't get free because he certainly looked like he had enough blood in him now to fill all his extremities. I just really wanted to get back to work and hoped he would heal fast. I would rather clean cells then being eye fucked by a man who could probably break his restraints if provoked enough. I stacked our trays and set them to the side for pickup. I was really hoping that the guard would come back soon. Crane was fully out of sedation now and was staring at me as if he could will my clothing off.


	4. Just let me squeeze it a little

Housekeeping

I'm going to get Victoria back to cleaning room here soon. They don't keep you in the medical ward for very long, overnight for almost all wounds. V will be back to cleaning before she knows it. No song for this chapter though, hope you still enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but V.**

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 4: Just let me squeeze it a little

* * *

Friday 11:30 PM

I was so tired. My eyes could hardly stay open and I was leaning precariously off the side of the chair. I rubbed my eyes and yawned softly to myself.

"Tired? I promise not to bite, come snuggle with me." He looked as tired as I felt. His hair was clinging to his forehead and I could see a thin layer of sweat covering his body. The nurse hadn't come back to change his IV yet or give him more medications. He must have been suffering.

"Crane just stop. You're wounded." My eyes closed for just a moment and when I opened them I saw that half an hour had passed by. A male nurse had pushed a small cot into the room and set it up against the wall on the far side of the room.

"You look tired miss. Thought you might like to lay down for awhile." He smiled at me before checking Crane's vitals and giving him a shot of pain medication.

"**Stay away from our woman Alex, you touch her you die.**" Crane's voice was low and harsh. This must be the Scarecrow he talked about. Very sexy voice.

"Be nice both of you." I yawned and curled up on the cot. "Take your meds honey please." My brain had shut off and I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. I never saw Crane's face light up or his eyes blaze with dark fire at my slip up.

Saturday 7:31 AM

"Wakey wakey honey buns." I was pulled from my slumber by Crane's cheerful voice. My shirt had ridden up in the night exposing the underside of my bra and I quickly yanked it down. Sitting up I rubbed my eyes and tried to remember where I was.

"Honey buns?" I tugged at my hair to get it looking halfway decent. I really needed a shower and a tooth brush. I looked up and Crane looked a lot better then last night. The bags were gone under his eyes and his skin looked flushed with health. The skin around his stitches was still an angry red but all in all he looked better.

"Don't like it?" He pouted. "Are you going to stay for my sponge bath at least?" His eyes were possessive and raked across my body.

"Good morning everyone." A nurse with dark brown hair walked in carrying a small tub of soapy water. "Time for your bath Mr. Crane." His face fell a bit seeing me sitting in the corner. "I didn't know we had company. You need to leave now." He set the tub down harshly on the shelf and some soapy water splashed out onto the floor. Crane's face grew dark as he slowly turned to face the nurse.

"**She can stay. Touch her and I'll eat your face off.**" Scarecrow was out and he was growling.

"It's ok. I need to take a shower anyways." I thought quickly on my feet. "Gotta look nice for today." I watched Crow relax against his bonds and look over at my wrinkled outfit.

"**I think you look better this way. Makes you look as if you've had a rough night.**" He smirked as the nurse set his bed to a sitting position. He winced as the nurse began washing his body with a soft cloth. The nurse looked more then happy to be washing Crane in peace.

I slipped from the room and quickly slipped into the nearest elevator. The showers were empty and I enjoyed a long hot one while I scrubbed my hair with the lilac scented shampoo I kept in my locker. I was glad I kept a few days worth of clothes in my locker and slipped into a new outfit. Blue jeans with a purple t-shirt. My radio easily clipped to the front of my shirt and my name tag hung loosely from my neck. I didn't have a brush so I just slipped my hair into a ponytail while it was still wet and pulled it tight. I clicked my radio on. "V checking in again, Good morning."

"Morning V. You're still in the Med ward today. Once they discharge Crane start with room 4653. Patient in therapy all day."

"First room of the day?" I sighed and headed back to the med ward. The nurse was just leaving Crane's room as I arrived and he looked at me like I was a piece of trash. He stepped on my foot as he walked by and nearly spilled the dirty bathwater on me. I was pissed.

"Welcome back." He was squeaky clean and had freshly washed hair. A thin layer of antibiotic gel was smeared across his chest making it glisten. I was sure that if he wasn't restrained he would have his hands behind his head showing off.

"How was your bath." The cot was gone so I sat back down on the uncomfortable plastic chair. A bead of water slid down from my wet hair down my shoulder and disappeared into my cleavage. I flicked my hair off my shoulder and looked up at him.

"How about you tell me about your shower first. Think of anyone in particular while you scrubbed your body down." His eyes were glued to my chest and I sighed.

"You get to go back to your room today." I tried to change the subject. The smile was gone from his face.

"Was hoping for more time with you. What's a guy got to do to get closer to his woman?" His eyes were hooded and dark. I couldn't tell who was in charge at the moment.

"You know the rules Mr. Crane. Only 24 hours in the med wing." I leaned back in the chair hoping they would take him back soon.

"**How about one for the road then?**" He puckered his lips up and leaned as far off the bed as he could. "**Common babe just give me a taste. Maybe just let me squeeze it a little**."

"I'm not your woman Crane. And you're not squeezing anything on me." I scooted back just in time as one of his cuffs broke loose from the bed. He grabbed for me but stopped and glared at the doorway.

"Nice try. You seem more then healed enough to go back to your cell." Henry had his tazer pointed at Crane. His face was mottled red with anger and I knew he would shoot at any moment. "Get onto your duties V. I'll take it from here."

"Thanks Henry. Try not to pop any of his stitches, he doesn't need another trip back here." I quickly slipped from the room and grabbed my cart. Thankfully no one had moved it overnight so I didn't have to restock it. I stepped into the elevator and pushed 4 eager to get away from med ward. The halls were silent as I pushed past the rooms towards my first cleaning of the day. There were no guards stationed outside 4653 and I found the room empty.

"How the hell does he do this in just one day?" My jaw fell as I saw the sink stained green once again. There was paint all over the walls, he had drawn a crude female form next to his bed, and his sheets were stained with paint. He had given the "lady" on his wall red hair like mine so I scrubbed it off first. Next came every other wall then the floor. I stripped his bed and placed clean linens on top. The dye came easily off his sink so I knew it had to be fresh. After polishing the metal above the sink I gave the room a once over to make sure nothing was left behind. I left his room and was glad there were no nasty surprises waiting outside for me. "V finished with room 4653 awaiting next room."

"Nice timing V. You're needed at room 4217. Patient sedated ok to clean." I straightened the cleaning supplies on my cart and pushed it down to the other side of the hallway. Hopefully Edward would be out the whole cleaning time.

"Morning Edward." I softly greeted him as I began cleaning. The door shut behind me for security. He didn't move or respond he wasn't restrained so I assumed he would be out for awhile. I hummed to myself as I cleaned and scrubbed a few new riddles off the wall without reading them. I heard a groan from the bed as I finished with the metal above the sink. Edward was sitting up and leaning heavily against the now clean wall. He looked up without recognizing me. His eyes were glazed over as he pushed himself up and stood, scratching his red hair carelessly.

"Morning lover." He stumbled towards me. I slipped from his reach and hurried to the door.

"I'm not your lover Edward. Now stay back." I was firm in my speaking and he hesitated while I slipped my name badge into the slot. I slammed the door shut and leaned against the other side breathing a sigh of relief.

"Hey V? Are you mad at me?" His voice sounded sad. I looked through the peephole into his expressive green eyes.

"Edward I'm not yours. Try to grab me again and I'll spray Windex into your eyes." I was upset that I didn't finish cleaning sooner. This was too close of a call for me. Next time I might not be so lucky.

"Oooh a fire cat has awakened. Here's a riddle for you honey. What glows red like fire, is as elusive as the wind and makes my pants dance in delight?" He smirked and pressed his face up to the glass. I wasn't in the mood to joke around and slammed the cover shut making him cry out in surprise.

"Not in the mood Edward." I dumped the dirty towels into the bin and grabbed my radio to call in.

"Next time I'll make sure your little birdie doesn't fight back. He's sedated so often now that I can go stabby stab without a struggle." Edward's voice screamed from the other side of the door making my blood run cold. "No one takes you from me!" He was bellowing and it was starting to rile up the other patients.

"V finished with room 4217 assistance needed. Patient agitated and becoming violent. Please respond."

"Don't worry V. Guards dispatched with sedatives. Head to room 4786 for cleaning. Patient expired. Strip everything and prepare for new tenant. Stay safe." The radio clicked off and I hurried down the hall trying to calm my racing heart. _How had Edward stabbed Jonathan? How did he get free long enough to do that? How did he get into his room?_ I started cleaning the room stripping everything and leaving a new pile of linens on the bed. After I was done I sprayed a floral deodorizer into the air and onto the bed to make it seem new. As I was leaving I almost ran into the one patient that made me shake in my boots.

"Oh hello there babe. Came to see me off to my next head shrinking?" He had a lopsided grin and the paint on his face was rubbed off in spots. He licked the scars on the sides of his mouth before trying to lean closer to me. The guards quickly grabbed him and shoved past me. "Wait I was just trying to be nice. After all I heard her little birdie was nearly gutted last night. Careful with that one, two heads aren't better then one." He laughed as he was led around a corner and out of sight.

I let out my breath and my lungs burned, I needed to remember to breathe. I fumbled with my radio taking three times before I could push the button on the side. "V finished with room 4786. Awaiting next room." I was leaning heavily on my cart 4653 always made my blood run cold when I saw him. I nearly fell when my radio crackled to life.

"V please head to room 4002 strip room patient transferred to observation ward." I walked slowly down the hall trying not to look up at any of the doors. I ignored any voices calling out and cleaned the room in record time. The rest of the day went by without too much trouble and I emptied my cart before radioing in for the day.

"V calling in, anything else needed?" I rubbed my aching wrist and tugged on my name tag.

"Nothing else needed, feel free to report to med ward if you need to rest V. You're on shift until Monday. Talk to you tomorrow."

I sighed feeling my hopes for my nice warm bed dashed. I trudged to the cafeteria and charged a nice large dinner to my account. I sat down at an empty table looking around at both patients and staff mulling around me. I looked down at my tray and pushed the fruit salad around with my spork before taking a bite. I took my time and sat for a few hours nibbling at my meatloaf and sipping my chocolate milk. The cafeteria was nearly empty when I dumped my tray.

"Aww leaving so soon?" A voice called out from across the room. Many of the remaining staff turned to see who was speaking and the conversations all but stopped. Looking over I saw Edward with a guard walking into the cafeteria. I knew I wasn't going to sneak away easily from him. "Come sit with daddy." He smiled as the guard pushed him down into a seat at an empty table. I didn't move until the guard returned with his food and two trays. The guard motioned me over and I sat across from Edward at the table. Apparently the other tray was for me.

"Hello Edward, late meal?" It was nearly eleven when he was brought in.

"Glad I waited. Almost missed out on this candle lit meal for two." He dug into his meatloaf without taking his eyes off me. I sent the guard a pleading look and he seemed to take the hint. Lifting the carton of chocolate milk to my lips the guard hit the table making me spill all down the front of my shirt.

"Oh no my shirt!" I pretended to be upset but was glad for an excuse to flee. Edward was shaking with rage and before I could stop him had driven his spork into the guards face. I screamed and jumped from my seat trying to get as far away as I could.

"You ruined the lady's shirt. What's black and blue and eats its own eyes with a spoon!" He was stabbing the guard over and over, blood spraying into the air. He would kill the guard if I didn't do anything so I did the first thing that came to mind.

"Oh god I'm going to faint." I lifted my hand to my forehead and stumbled to the side before collapsing to the ground. Before I could hit the linoleum I felt a strong pair of hands grabbing me and pulling me up against a chest. Before I could look up I was passed to a guard who scooped me up and pulled me away from the carnage. Peeking over his shoulder I saw 4653 standing there pulling the sleeves up on his shirt. He looked ferocious and Edward had paled.

"Joker what are you doing here?" Edward sounded breathless and was clutching his broken spork like a shield.

"Oh now Eddie you've been a very bad boy. Making the future Mrs. J faint and ruining her shirt." He clicked his tongue against his cheek a few times before taking a step forward. "I think you've had enough fun for now."

I heard screaming and scuffling as the guard rushed me out of the room and down to the medical ward. I really was about to faint this time. As my world blacked out around the edges I felt myself set onto a warm bed and a prick in my arm where the nurse had started an IV. I slipped into the darkness and tried to forget everything.


	5. Get Well Soon

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! Lyrics are from E-Rotic's song 'Bad Boy'. Enjoy!**

Chapter 5: Get well soon

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

* * *

Sunday 5:45 AM

I awoke to the smell of flowers. Opening my eyes I saw that I was still in the med ward but the room was full of daises and there must have been at least a hundred of them scattered around. I sat up and a wave of dizziness shook me. I rubbed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Careful honey not too fast." Looking over I saw the two men I didn't want to see chained to chairs in opposite corners. 4653 was chained with actual chains to his metal chair. His makeup had been washed off his face and he was sporting a black eye and bandages down his arms. An IV was attached to his left arm and it dripped multiple bags of clear liquids into his body.

"Shut up clown. No one said you could speak to her." Crane was in the other chair restrained with bandages across his chest. He had a similar IV set up save for a red bag of blood. He was glaring at 4653 and was receiving a death glare in return.

"Who approved you two sitting in here?" I was uncomfortable with having two potentially dangerous, yet sexy, men watching over me as I slept. They both turned their attentions to me and I pulled out the controls to page a nurse in to save me.

"Both of you leave the lady alone." Henry waltzed in like a white knight carrying yet another vase of flowers.

"Hello Henry, here to spoil the mood again?" 4653 reclined as much as he could in his chair and licked his lips. "Kinda hard to romance my future bride with you bursting in at random." He looked over at Crane then back at Henry. "After all she hasn't said no yet."

"Joker I'll take you back to isolation if you don't shut your trap." Henry's face was tinting pink with anger as he set the flowers down by my bed.

"**You dare propose to my woman you painted freak!**" Crane was livid and struggled against his bonds making the bandage on his chest bleed red. My head was throbbing and I just wanted to go home.

"Both of you stop! No one has proposed to me so just stop." My voice broke and I looked to Henry for help.

"**Then let me be the first to do it. My little V will you marry this big bad scarecrow?**" Crow was out and struggling against his bonds. "**We can take care of you better then anyone else could. Didn't you enjoy our little make out session earlier?**"

"Wait you let this blue eyed freak make out with you?" 4653, Joker, was calmly sitting staring right at me. "I'll just have to make you forget about his little attempts at kissing after all…" He grinned wildly. "I am ribbed for your pleasure." He laughed and licked the scars at the corner of his lips.

"Okay that's enough from both of you!" Henry was as red as an apple and I could swear he was foaming at the mouth. "Another word and I'll knock both your asses out. The little lady doesn't need this kind of stress on her right now." I was pressing the nurse page button like crazy and pressing against the far end of the bed.

"Okay everyone calm down." A female nurse with short blonde hair rushed in carrying a tray filled with syringes. I paled hoping they weren't all for me, there must have been at least seven on there. "I have orders to sedate Joker for processing, and Mr. Crane you've tore your stitches again. You're going back to your cell once I patch you up." She shot an angry glare at Henry before rushing to my side to check my pulse. "Feeling better?"

"Much. When can I get back to work?" I wanted to get back to work and try to forget the two men chained up in my room. I couldn't forget that because of me a guard was probably dead. Edward was probably maimed or dead as well. I needed a shower and a good cry.

"You can leave now. Your shift starts in a few hours, take your time and make sure to eat a big breakfast. Lots of fruit and juices for the next few days. You were dehydrated and that's why you passed out." She pulled the IV from my arm and literally slapped a bandage on it making me wince. "I've got to sedate these two so you should take off now."

"Thank you." I gave an apologetic look to Henry and tried to avoid both Crane and Jokers gazes as I left.

Sunday 10:30 AM

I had a nice long shower and a new change of clothes. I felt better and I stocked my cart before taking my usual route to the elevators. "V checking in. Good morning."

"Morning V. Glad you're feeling better. Please head to room 4653. Patient in administrative hearings all day."

"If he's dyed his sink green again I swear I'm gonna throw my shoe at him next time I see him." I pushed my cart down the silent halls of level 4 and opened his cell. I nearly dropped my bottle of cleaning solution as I looked into the mess before me. Every conceivable surface of his cell, save for the ceiling, was covered in paint. How did he get his hands on so much? His sink was caked with green dye and face paint and he had scribbled all over his walls. My hands were shaking with rage as I looked at the message left behind on his wall.

'Sorry about the mess babe but I need to keep you busy all day. Gotta plan an escape and a wedding! See you later Mrs. J.' I grabbed my radio and nearly broke it in half.

"V to security." My hands were shaking.

"This is Steven go ahead V."

"I'm at cell 4653, there's a reference to an escape painted on his wall." It would take me hours to strip all this paint off.

"Be right there V. Don't clean anything till we get there." I stood for maybe twenty minutes just staring at the daunting mess in front of me.

"Hey V you can back up now." Steven had arrived with two other guards. They walked into the room and took pictures of everything. I could hear a lot of radio chatter from in the room but droned it out. I was thinking about the best cleaning to strip paint and how many towels I would need. "We're all done V. Good job calling this in." The guards had left and Steven ruffled my hair before he joined them.

"Oh goodie I'm gonna be covered in paint." I would need to sing to keep my head off the task at hand.

_You can drive me mad - Take all that you can get  
You're a bad boy - Bad boy  
You can make me sad - You're dirty little rat  
You're a bad boy - Bad boy_

_Hey - What's up with you_  
_There's no need for feeling blue_  
_Don't cry - Cos I'm not cruel_  
_You just gotta dig the rule_  
_And her is - Rule number one_  
_I am out for lots of fun_  
_And here is - Rule number two_  
_I'll do everything to you_

I was sure my hands were bleeding as I scrubbed them raw slowly reclaiming the wall from the paint. I had paint everywhere, my hair, my shoes, my pants and I was sure I had some dripping down my back from when I fixed my hair. I was almost halfway done and braced myself for more cleaning.

_You can drive me mad - Take all that you can get  
You're a bad boy - Bad boy  
You can make me sad - You're dirty little rat  
You're a bad boy - Bad boy  
Make me sigh make me cry  
Make me wanna lie - You're a bad boy - Bad boy  
Turn me on - Turn me out  
Make me yell out loud - You're a bad boy - Bad boy  
You're my bad boy - Bad boy_

I slid down the wall exhausted, the room was finally clean and polished. The bed had new sheets stacked on top and I couldn't tell the color of my shoes anymore. I stood back up and looked back at where I had slumped over. I had smeared paint back on the wall. Hanging my head I began cleaning once again until it was spotless once more._  
_

_Hey - Just don't forget  
Making love is not so bad  
Don't tell me - I'm bad bad boy  
I will use you for my toy  
And here is - Rule number three  
Love and sex will set you free  
And here is - Rule number four  
I'll take everything and more_

Leaving the cell I slammed the door and made sure nothing was left behind. I could barely hold my radio in my hands as I called it in. "V finished with room 4653. Awaiting next room." I wouldn't have time for a shower and I didn't have any more clothes to change into. I needed to go home and do laundry once they let me off.

"Nice catch there V with security. Please head to room 4513 hazmat guidelines please. Patient still in med ward and room needs a good buffing." I trudged down to Crane's room and opened the door. There were bloody hand prints on the wall and his bed was off its frame hanging onto the floor. It looked like he had lost it. I slipped into my hazmat outfit and scrubbed the blood from the walls. I stripped the linens from the bed and shoved the mattress back into place. I set new linens on top and buffed the metal above the sink. I dumped everything into my cart and stripped my hazmat gown and supplies off. Taking a deep breath I turned around to close the cell behind me and I met the intense icy stare of Crane.

_Baby I need you so badly tonight  
Come closer  
I wanna feel you bad boy_

I was caked in paint from my hair to my shoes and he was just looking, taking in my appearance. A frown graced his features before looking back up and trapping me with his icy blue eyes.

"Were you going to leave without seeing me? I'm hurt." He was restrained with a straightjacket and ankle cuffs. He was in a wheelchair being pushed by a tired and haggard looking Henry.

"Sorry miss out of the way please." I moved to the side and he set Crane face down on the floor before removing his ankle cuffs and unbuckling his bonds. "Don't move or take off your jacket before you hear the door close. I'll shoot you if you do." Crane didn't move.

"Is he alright?" I wiped my cheek feeling paint smear even more onto my face. I probably looked like a clown with the amount covering my body at the moment.

"Don't worry about it. I just gave him a good talking to after his outburst this morning. Both he and Joker should back off from you now." Henry locked the cell and collapsed the wheelchair in front of him.

"Any word on Edward?" He had been on my mind all day along with the unnamed guard from the cafeteria.

"He'll be fine, Joker punched him around a bit and carved a question mark on his chest with a hidden blade. Joker won't be on cell block for a few days so you can relax. I take it you're wearing his handy work?"

"Yea, ten gallons of paint do wonders for the skin." I smiled and leaned against my cart. "You didn't hurt him did you? Crane I mean." Henry stiffened and looked over at me.

"No more then he deserved miss. Word of wisdom to you, none of these men will be getting out any time soon. Most of them who do just end up right back in here. There's no future with any of them. Keep your distance and don't get involved." He walked off leaving me staring at the floor and clutching my cart white knuckled. I grabbed my radio and called in. I needed to get on with my life.

"V finished with room 4513. Awaiting next assignment." The words were dry on my tongue and I looked over at Crane's door.

"You're all done V. Head home and relax, we'll see you again on Wednesday. Good night."

"I need a bath, and a lot of ice cream." I had been looking towards my time off but now I almost didn't want to leave. I looked into Crane's cell and he was out of his jacket laying in bed. His eyes never met mine. Why did I feel so disappointed? "See you later Jonathan. Get well soon." He rolled over away from me and I shut the cover blocking him out. The events of the past few days were getting to me and I wished that I had someone waiting for me at home to tell me everything would be all right. I slowly pushed my cart to the elevator and headed for the laundry room. I emptied everything into a red bag and shoved it down the chute. I didn't bother to shower and slipped into the dirty clothes from yesterday. I stripped the painted clothes off and nearly threw them into the trash. Instead I shoved them into my bag and just punched out.

The drive home took longer then I remembered and my empty apartment loomed before me like an empty cavern. _I really need to find a man. Someone to protect me._ Locking the door behind me I headed for the shower and just left my clothes in a dirty pile behind me.


	6. Lonely Days

Housekeeping

I'm actually going to post a bit about Victoria's life outside the asylum. I'm a bit addicted to the music from the band E-Rotic so enjoy yet another song called 'sex machine'.

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

* * *

Monday

I woke up and spent an hour debating with my ceiling if I should roll over and go back to sleep. I slipped out of bed and tugged on my pajama pants. The pink cartoon ducks stared up at me with goofy grins painted on their faces. My top was basically just a camisole with lace around the edges. I was drained and trudged towards my bathroom wondering how much toothpaste I had left. A pounding on my door pulled me from my thoughts and I swung open the door without even checking first. I was met with an eye full of red roses by a delivery man who was more interested in staring at my chest then speaking.

"Can I help you?" My voice snapped him from his thoughts and he shoved the roses at me.

"Delivery for Ms. Victoria. Enjoy." He was gone just as quickly as he had arrived. I slammed the door shut and walked into my kitchen to look for something to put the flowers in. I found an old vase and filled it with water before depositing the flowers inside. I almost missed the tiny card shoved behind the vibrant buds. I pulled it from its tiny envelope.

'Who tickles your brain, vies for your heart, and will make you scream from your bed in the dark?' It was signed with a vibrant green question mark.

"Edward how in the world were you allowed to send flowers let alone roses?" They smelled divine and they made me feel better. Even though they were sent by an obsessed mental patient I still felt better. Go figure. I walked towards my bathroom and knew a bubble bath sounded divine, I had a new bottle of lilac bath salts and I was going to soak till I pruned.

The water was hot and colored a light purple from the bath salts, I poured in a bit of bubble bath and swirled it around until I got a nice foam going. I stripped and slipped in thankful for the enveloping warmth from the water. I started singing to myself as I scrubbed my body clean.

_Sex machine_

_I'm running so hot with your energy_

_I'll get you going faster_

_Sex machine_

_You put me on top of my ecstasy_

_We're heading for disaster_

_Sex machine  
__You're my sex machine_

_1-2-3-5 Baby let your engine roar_

_I'll show you what I'm longing for_

_A small one is not enough_

_Cos I'm looking for a lot of love_

_Turn your sex machine_

_So strong and hot and wild and mean_

_Do it - Feel it - Whow_

_Please don't stop your engine now_

I was just laying in the tub drowsily singing to myself enjoying the scent of lilac in the air. I dipped my head into the water before singing softly to myself again.

_You're my sex machine__  
__1-2-3 Speak - Hey you're like a machine gun_

_I need some pleasure – _

_I need some fun__I want it – _

_So speed it up – Speed it up_

_And find my cup__Just handle your instrument_

_I feel – Feel it's all in your hand_

_I need it baby anyhow_

_Please don't stop your engine now_

I slipped from my bath thanks to a loud pounding on my door. I slid my fuzzy blue robe over my shoulders and tied it tightly around my body making sure nothing showed. I was dripping water all over my nice wooden floors and I wondered who it could be. I couldn't tell who it was from looking out my peephole so I locked my chain and slid the door open a few inches.

"Can I help you?" I saw another delivery man, he looked nervous holding a box and another bundle of flowers.

"D-delivery for a Miss Victoria." I opened the door and he shoved the items in my hands before running off as fast as he could. I looked down at the box before yelling at his retreating figure.

"If this is a bomb I'm so haunting your ass!" My door couldn't slam hard enough so I locked it and walked to my kitchen once again. I didn't have any more vases so I pulled out a large plastic slurpie cup and filled it with water. The flowers looked like someone had walked through the florist's shop and grabbed whatever, a totally chaotic blend of carnations, lily's, roses, daisies, baby's breath and fern leaves. I pulled the card from the flowers and found it blank. The box was another story. It was the size of an egg carton and wrapped in shiny red paper with a black bow tying it together. I opened it and to my surprise there was no bomb inside. Instead there was a lacy pair of purple and green thong and panty sets with a card attached.

'Saw these and thought of you. ~J'

"How in the seven layers of hell did he know my size?" I nearly threw the box across my living room but before I could even pick it up there was another pounding on my door. I took a calming breath and walked over to see who it was. Much to my surprise there was yet another delivery guy. This one looked kinda shady though. I unlocked everything but my chain and opened the door a crack.

"Yes?"

"Are you Ms. Victoria?" He spoke clearly and held a wrapped basket and a bundle of flowers.

"Yes I am. Hold on a second." I opened the door and took the basket and flowers from him. He tipped his hat to me and walked off calmly. "Have a good day ma'am."

I had to set the basket down to lock my door and once again marched to my kitchen. My hopes of returning to my bath were dashed for the day. I found another slurpie cup and set the bouquet of red and blue roses inside. There was a small card tucked behind one of the blooms and I pulled it out carefully.

'We miss you.' There was no signature just two small birds drawn on the sides a white crane and a black crow. Apparently Henry's talk was forgotten as soon as it had been given. I unwrapped the basket and saw an expensive bottle of wine sitting in the arms of a small stuffed scarecrow. The eyes had been replaced with blue buttons, I could still see the black sewn exes behind them, and he had a small pair of doll glasses on. I slipped the bottle of wine into my near empty fridge and checked the doll for any cameras or explosives. Finding nothing electronic or sharp I snuggled it to my chest and sighed looking at my counter top now full of flowers.

"What am I going to do now?" I took the doll to my bed and tucked him in before returning to drain my bath.

_You're my sex machine_  
Y_ou're my sex machine –_

_Come on Oh come closer –_

_Oh be my sex machine_

_Oh oh ooohhh_

The water was still warm and I instead stripped off my robe and slid back into the comforting heat. I would need to move. They all knew where I lived now. I sighed and sunk down in the water until it was almost over my nose. _Why are all the hot ones crazy?_ I slid down under the water to wash my hair.

Tuesday

I didn't bother getting dressed and planned to spend the day curled up on my couch watching sappy romance movies while feeling sorry for myself and eating a pint of ice cream. I popped in 'Phantom of the Opera' and curled up under a multi-colored afghan knitted by my grandmother. Just before I could get lost in the musical sexiness that was Gerard Butler my door decided to make knocking sounds. I paused the movie and slid out from the warm cocoon I had made. My pink bunny slippers were a sharp contrast to the dark blue robe I was wearing. I looked through the peephole and once again saw a nervous man holding flowers.

"Hello?" I opened the door a bit and the poor man almost jumped out of his skin.

"D-delivery f-for M-ms. V-V-Victoria." The poor man was sweating and shaking like a leaf.

"That's me. Everything alright?" He nodded and shoved the flowers and a small box at me before slinking off as if I'd bitten him. "And here we go again." I made doubly sure that my door was locked before walking into my kitchen. I was running out of slurpie cups as I put the daisies into some water and added them to my wall of flowers. There was no card in the flowers so I inspected the small box. It was the size of a wallet and felt like black velvet. I opened it and was greeted by a small card lying underneath a beautiful bracelet set with shining emerald-green stones. There were small question mark charms set after every few stones so I quickly figured out it was from Edward. This was too much. I grabbed the card and set the box as far away from me as I could. My hands were shaking as I opened the tiny envelope and pulled the card from within.

'Who smiles like sunshine, brightens my day, and would look stunning in white lace?' It was signed with the green question mark again.

"Edward this is too much." I was just the housekeeper. These men were wooing me as if they were free men who I happened to run into at maybe a bar or the coffee shop. I fell to my knees and shook for a moment I can't get attached to any of them. They'll more than likely rot in Arkham for the rest of their lives. What kind of future would that be for me? I dropped the card onto the counter and headed back to the couch, I needed to escape reality for just a little while. Imagine my life somewhere else. I almost made it to the comfy warmth of the afghan again before another pounding on my door.

"Why god?" I looked up at my ceiling before trudging back to my wooden door. I unlocked everything but the chain and slipped it open.

"Delivery for Ms. Victoria." The delivery man was wearing a cheap velvet suit and holding a large square box.

"That's me hold on." I opened the door and he handed me the box as if it were made of glass. I signed for it before he bowed and walked off briskly. The door slammed behind me and I once again locked it. I walked right to my couch and sat down staring at the box. It was covered in shiny pink wrapping paper with a white lace bow. I carefully unwrapped it and found yet another box inside. I opened it and found yet another box. Soon I had at least ten boxes on the floor as I reached a small box that fit in the palm of my hand. I opened it and found a velvet box-shaped like an oyster. Opening it I found a small pair of earrings set with one purple and one green stone. I found a folded card taped to the top and pulled it out. It was wrinkled yet legible.

'You'd look good wearing my colors. ~J' There was small smudges of grease paint on the edges of the card and I just let it drop to the floor. I held the earrings out in front of me as if they burned. The box joined Edwards in the farthest corner of my kitchen.

I slumped back down onto my couch and just as I was just about to push play on my remote I heard a desperate pounding on my door. I just dropped my remote to the floor with a 'Thunk' and wrenched my door wide open. There was no one there. I stepped into the hall and felt something against my leg. Looking down I saw a dozen blue roses and a large box. I slid the box inside with my foot and picked up the flowers. I hoped that this would be the last time I locked my door for the day. I added the flowers to my kitchen, no card hidden within the buds, and walked back to pick up the box. It was a large box and I hoped it wasn't full of layers of boxes like the last one. I kicked a few of the empty boxes around before sitting down. It was wrapped with blue paper and a silk black bow. Opening it I found two plushies inside. A white crane with a golden beak and a black crow with a silver one. They were tied together with a blue strand of lace which attached to a large card. I pulled it free and opened it.

'Let these protect you while you sleep until I can. Sleep well baby.' I couldn't help it, my weakness was cute plushies so I carried them to my bed and set them next to the scarecrow. I really hoped they wouldn't keep sending me things when I was on my days off.

I broke down all the boxes and set them aside for recycling. I threw away the wrapping paper and set the ribbons aside in one of my kitchen drawers. I was so ready for that ice cream now. I flung open my freezer and found it empty. My head hung in sadness and I trudged to my room to slip into some jeans and a t-shirt. I half debated about wearing one of the thongs that Joker sent me before deciding against it. Grabbing my purse and keys I locked the door behind me and headed to my car.

I hit the automatic starter and fell to my knees as my car exploded into a giant fireball. For once my laziness with my car saved my life. I fell to my knees as one of my neighbors rushed to my side. She was a nice old lady who smelled strongly of cat pee. She held my shaking form until the police arrived and asked me about a million questions. My car blew up. Who would want me dead? The officer questioning me grabbed for me as my world went dark. I heard him call for help before my vision faded completely. _My car just blew up. I could have died._ _I could really use that ice cream._


	7. Seriously PMSing

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Enjoy.**

_Thoughts_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 7: Seriously PMSing

* * *

Wednesday

A kind young officer drove me into work and made sure I safely checked in for the day. He would sit outside my house to make sure no one could hurt me. I was in a daze as I showered and dressed for business. My radio clipped to my chest I triple checked my cart with shaking hands.

"Victoria checking in for the day awaiting orders." I knew I looked like crap. I was pale and had dark circles under my eyes. My right forearm was bandaged from some glass that had punctured it during the explosion. I had four stitches and would probably scar from it.

"Good Morning V. Glad to hear you're safe. Please report to room 4653. Patient restrained by guards, safe to clean."

"I need some answers, he better not be sedated." I got into the elevator and pushed the button to go up. The gentle hum calmed my nerves somewhat and I pushed my cart down the hall. I paused just before any of the guards or the Joker had noticed me. I slipped off my shoe and chucked it at his head. I felt satisfied as it hit his head with a loud thump and bounced off to the floor. I instantly had four guards point their stun guns at me before shaking their heads and pulling Joker away.

"What a nice way to say hello honey." He leered at me and motioned to my shoe. "Why don't you just throw your panties next time, be more enjoyable for the both of us." He licked his lips and watched me slip my shoe back on.

"Maybe I wouldn't throw my shoe if you didn't dye your sink green." I huffed past him and into his cell. It was just as bad as before and I cleaned it in a flurry of slamming noises and swearing. When I left his room the guards actually seemed nervous around me.

"My, my what a mouth you have. I'd love to explore it further." He grinned and I almost threw my bottle of Windex at his head.

"Not in the mood today Joker. But you probably already heard that my car blew up yesterday. So you'll excuse me if I hurry off." I checked my inventory and dumped the dirty towels into the bin. I heard a groan and looked back to see two guards on the ground and the other two quickly knocked out by a restrained mad man. He sauntered right up to me and licked his lips his tongue pausing for a moment on each scare before he spoke.

"Someone tried to kill the future Mrs. J?" His eyes were dark and violent. I didn't back up as he leaned down into my face. "If anyone touches you I'll kill them. Cops are worthless don't let any into your place. I'll uh take care of this for you." I grabbed a spray bottle full of bleach as he kissed me. The textures of his mouth strange against my own. His kiss was almost addicting and he only broke away when I pressed the bottle to the side of his head near his eye.

"Bleach will hurt you Joker. Get your ass into your cell before I blind you." I was shaking and he just laughed and calmly walked into his cell.

"Will you at least un-cuff me?" He held his hands out in front of him like a small child. I slammed the door in his face making him jump back and growl. "Crazy bitch. Can't wait to get you into bed!"

"Fuck off Joker. And stop sending me underwear it's creepy as all hell." He just laughed from the other side of the cell and I checked on the guards before grabbing my radio.

"V finished with room 4653. I need medical attention for the guards posted. Patient locked up."

"V you never seem to amaze me. Medical on their way head to room 4217 for cleaning. Patient returning to cell later today from Gotham General West." Edward was finally returning to captivity. At least his wounds weren't serious. I stayed with the guards until the medical personnel arrived. Joker continued his random bursts of laughter from the other side of the cell. One of the medical tech's patted me on the back for being able to get the Joker back into his cell without being maimed. I left only after the last guard was taken to the med wing and continued on with my day.

Edwards room was still mostly clean I wasn't sure when he would be coming back but I needed to know if he had anything to do with the bombing. I took a sheet of paper towel and scrolled a riddle for him.

'Whose car exploded, was cut by glass, cleans your cell and is impressed with your class?' I signed it with a big V and tucked it under his pillow. I left nothing else in his room and shut the door behind me.

"V finished with room 4217 awaiting next assignment."

"V you're needed in room 4990 patient expired prepare for new occupancy." I pushed my cart back down past Jokers cell. Room 4990 was so clean I almost thought that no one had even stayed there. I sprayed the floral deodorizer and gave it a once over anyways. I dumped the linens into my bin and grabbed my radio.

"V finished with room 4990 awaiting next assignment." The rest of my day went by in a blur of Windex and dirty sheets. Even though I hadn't had to clean Jonathan's cell today I still stopped by and opened the cover. He wasn't there. I had hoped to talk to him but slowly closed his cover and looked down the halls. I only had one other person to talk to so I grabbed my bottle of bleach and pushed my cart back down to his cell. 4653. The Joker. I opened the cover to his peep hole and saw him relaxing on his bed with an arm over his eyes.

"Knock knock." I even tapped on his door for emphasis.

"Oh and who would be knocking on my door at this hour?" His chocolate brown eyes met my aqua ones. He looked surprised and sat up quickly, dusting his uniform off as he sauntered sexily towards the door. He rested his arms on either side of the peephole and stared out at me intently. "My, my. Now why would you willingly come to visit me? Is it my dashing good looks or charming…personality?" He licked his lips slowly. This man had a serious case of the bedroom eyes going on.

"Sorry to disappoint you Joker. I just wanted to know why you think I won't be safe with the police at my apartment." He frowned and slid a finger over the glass as if he were stroking my cheek.

"That's because, most of the police are on the mobs payroll. The only real safe place to be right now would be…well in here with me." He grinned and leaned back to motion to his bed. "Plenty of room for two. Unfortunately the walls aren't soundproof. You'd have to be quiet." He put a finger over his lips and laughed to himself.

I wanted to punch him, then kiss him and then punch him again. "I'm burning those thongs you sent me." I moved to close the cover to his cell.

"Oh kinky. That means that you won't be wearing…anything." He wagged his eyebrows at me and I slammed the cover into place and rested my head against the metal door. His voice was muffled but still loud enough to hear. "I'll find out who tried to hurt you don't you worry about that. Just remember what Papa J told you, don't let any cops into your apartment. Not a single one." His room went quiet and I heard the springs in his mattress squeak as he must have laid back down. I could almost picture him laying there an arm draped over his chest sexily watching me leave.

"V checking out for the day. Have a good evening."

"Night V. See you bright and early." I always wondered who I was speaking to on the other side of my radio. I pushed my cart back past Jonathan's room, still wasn't there, and then checked to see if Edward was back. He wasn't. I emptied my cart and headed for the showers. I changed into my street clothes and punched out for the day. A police cruiser was waiting for me when I stepped outside and I nervously climbed into the passenger's seat. He didn't talk much and dropped me off at home. I didn't invite him inside so he stood guard just outside my door. I felt less safe then when I walked the halls of Arkham. _Maybe not all the sexy ones are crazy._

Thursday

I took a taxi to work. The police had been called out to somewhere in west Gotham. I didn't mind. I did my usual routine shower, dressing and loading of my cart before I punched in.

"Good morning. V checking in."

"Well good morning to you V. Room 4217 needs cleaning. Patient in med ward for a checkup safe to clean."

Edward was back. Even though he had killed a guard with a spork I felt safer knowing he was back. I made my way to his room and let myself in. He had already put two large green question marks onto his walls and I busied myself in cleaning them. I wondered how Edward kissed. I shook myself from my thoughts as I wiped down the fixtures and buffed the metal to a mirror shine. I stripped his bed last and searched to see if he'd left me a note. There was nothing to be found. I placed new linens on his bed and dumped the dirty ones into my cart. I shut and made sure his door was locked before sighing and grabbing my radio.

"V finished with room 4217 awaiting next assignment."

"Hazmat attention needed on 4443 V, maintenance will meet you there. Patient killed himself in cell. Just strip the room."

I hurried to the room and met with Larry once again. I donned my hazmat gown and gloves before slipping the rubber booties over my stained shoes. We stripped the room and scrubbed it until it smelled strongly of bleach. Larry would bring a new mattress back down later today so I left clean linens on the floor.

"V finished with room 4443. Cleaning Hazmat material awaiting next assignment."

"Once you're done V report to room 4513. Patient sedated and safe to clean. Armed guard standing by."

I hurried to the laundry room and dumped everything into a red bag. I showered yet again and restocked my cart. I met Henry outside of Jonathan's cell. He looked so tired that he could collapse at any moment.

"God Henry you look awful. Are you alright?"

"Long shift Miss V. He's out like a light and I'm off once you're done here." Henry gave me a weak smile and let me into the room.

"Afternoon Jonathan." I spoke softly as I cleaned his room. He didn't respond and I cleaned his sink and buffed the metal to a mirror shine. As I turned to leave I saw him just staring at me from the bed. His eyes were empty and I hoped that it was just from the sedation. "Will you be here later today?" My voice was soft and I relaxed slightly when he nodded slowly. "Can I stop by to talk later?" He nodded again. I left the room and Henry locked it behind me.

"Have a good day Henry. Get some rest." I smiled as he saluted me before walking off.

"V finished with room 4513 awaiting next assignment."

"Hey V you're needed to room 4555. Patient in therapy all day. Safe to clean."

This room was another easy clean. The patient must have been a neat freak because I didn't see one streak on the metal or one hair in his sink. I gave it a once over anyways and left new linens on his stripped mattress. As I locked the door behind me I could hear yelling from down the hall. I recognized the man the four guards were struggling to drag down the hall. Joker was trying to struggle free of his restraints.

"V finished with room 4555 awaiting next assignment." I thought that they would take him around the hall to therapy but they shoved him into his cell and locked it behind them. All four guards headed for the elevators not even giving me a second glance.

"Head to room 4653 V. Patient in therapy all day." My heart sank. He wasn't in therapy. I had just seen him thrown kicking and screaming into his cell. I would at least talk to him before calling in his status. He was screaming and kicking the door when I walked up. I flipped open his cover and he was practically foaming at the mouth. He didn't notice me right away and continued yelling obscenities at the door.

"Knock Knock." I knocked hard on his door. He flung himself up to the peephole and froze seeing that it was me.

"Now's uh not a good time babe. Daddy needs an outlet for his aggression. Don't come in I'm warning ya." He was shaking and his eyes were dilated. He must have been on some kind of drug.

"I need to clean your cell Joker. I'll call this in and see if they'll let me come by later. Hopefully you've had a chance to cool off." He just nodded before resting his head against the glass of the peephole just staring at me.

"V reporting in for cell 4653. Patient in cell and agitated. Awaiting orders."

"Guards on their way V. Patient to stay in room. Head to room 4112 patient in med wing and it is safe to clean."

"See you later?" I gave him a sad look before pushing my cart away.

"When's your next overnight shift?" His voice seemed far off and I could see him struggling to stand against the door.

"Tomorrow Joker. I'm pulling overnights on the weekends."

"Good. I get fed around midnight. I'll be a good boy so we can talk then." His eyes disappeared from view and I hurried off before the guards could arrive. I opened the door to cell 4112 and found it a mess. Papers crumpled up and tossed everywhere and black paint all over the walls. It took a good part of the day to strip the paint and pick up all the papers. I left the room spotless with clean linens on the bare mattress. I do a mean housecleaning.

"V reporting in room 4112 done awaiting orders."

"V you're a workaholic. Go home. You're on overnights starting after your shift tomorrow." The voice sounded playful and I smiled to myself. Easy to feel safe around someone you've never seen. I pushed my cart back to Jonathan's room and opened the cover. He was staring out the glass already, his blue eyes burning into mine.

"Hey Crane. Care to talk?" He nodded but I made no move to open the cell. He wasn't restrained and I wasn't taking any chances.

"I heard that someone tried to kill you." His eyes were haunted and never left mine.

"Yea my car blew up." I leaned up against the door to take some of the pressure off my sore feet.

"Were you hurt?" His voice was soft and I raised my bandaged arm towards the window.

"Four stitches, flying glass." I would need to change my bandage soon, a small line of blood was showing from behind the thick white wrap.

"**They hurt you. No one hurts what's ours.**" His eyes had darkened and I could hear scarecrow slip out. If he got too agitated he would end up sedated and restrained again. I wasn't sure if his stitches were even out yet.

"Are you still hurt?" I hoped that Crane would come back out soon.

"**We're healing. Not fast enough, stitches come out next week.**" His icy gaze tried to pull me in once more.

"I got your gifts. How in the world were you able to send me anything?" He shook for a moment and closed his eyes, rubbing them as if they hurt.

"Did you like them?" Crane was back out, his eyes light and glowing.

"How did you know that I loved plushies?" I lifted an eyebrow and gazed at him.

"You seem so small and squeezable, I thought you'd like the same." He gave a lopsided grin. I quickly pulled away from the door as a guard walked out of an elevator down the hall.

"Be good Crane." I looked back at him quickly. "I don't want anything else of mine to blow up." I quickly closed the cover and pretended to check the inventory on my cart.

"Me either." His voice was soft almost not coming through the door. I pushed my cart past the guard and gave him a fake smile. I had another room to stop by before I left for the day.

Room 4653 was unguarded and I hoped that he had calmed down. I opened the cover to his peephole and saw him lying on his bed reading a newspaper. His room was a mess and once again his sink was dyed a lime green.

"I swear if you keep dying your sink green I'll throw my other shoe at you." My eyes narrowed and he calmly folded the paper and looked over at me.

"Well honey if I stopped doing that how would I keep this beautiful image for you?" He smirked and sat up slowly. The paper hung between his legs loosely held with one hand. "You're in the paper by the way." He licked his lips making sure to linger on his scars.

"Glad to see you are feeling better." I was still pissed at him. Did he know how long it took me to scrub his sink clean?

"Much. Now I'm wondering why you've taken this sudden interest in talking to little old me." He tapped his chin in a thinking pose for a moment. "Have you decided to take me up on that offer of marriage?" He lifted an eyebrow and seemed to sit up a little straighter.

"No Joker. I'm still a free woman. I was just wondering if you had any tips to keep me from exploding like my car did." His face grew serious and he stood up walking slowly towards the door.

"Way to ruin the mood prudish pat. Just relax and we'll talk about it tomorrow at dinner. I know you're already missing my rugged good looks but I'll keep it in my pants if you do the same." He smirked and I shook my head.

"Go to bed Joker." I shook my head, a smile appearing on my face for a moment before I closed the cover to his door.

"I'll gladly warm yours." He laughed and I could hear the newspaper rustling inside.

"One last stop then I really need to go home." I pushed my cart towards Edward's room and stopped just outside. I didn't hear any noise inside so I peeked in through the peephole. He was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. He was topless and a white bandage was strapped onto the left side of his chest. I knocked softly and he looked over at the door before jumping to his feet and almost dancing.

"Oh baby doll I was so worried for you. I see my sparkling personality is rubbing off on you." He gave a wolfish grin. "Your riddles need work but I can help you with that."

"Edward I'm glad you're doing better. I also got your flowers and gifts." His green eyes bore into mine and he pressed his lips to the glass.

"Wear them with pride my dear. As soon as I'm free we'll rule the world. You'll be my little riddle queen!" He giggled to himself and I shook my head.

"Edward its too much I can't wear it. I couldn't even afford that on my own." His grin fell and his eyes darkened.

"You don't like them?"

"I love them Edward I'm just overwhelmed." He shook his head.

"Nothing is too good for my gal. I'll find a way to keep you safe don't you worry. Just one thing I ask of you."

"And what is that?"

"A kiss." He pouted and leaned up against his door probably hoping I would fling it open and rush into his arms.

"Good night Edward." I pressed a kiss to the glass and closed the cover. He sighed loudly from the other side of the door.

"What is wanted badly, too far from reach and yet right in front of my eyes?" His voice sounded sad.

"What's that Edward?" I leaned against the door.

"That kiss." I smiled to myself and headed for the elevator. I was looking forward to my overnight shifts and rushed to empty my cart and head home. I punched out and called a taxi to take me home. I had a lot to think about.


	8. Dinner for Two?

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 8: Dinner for two

* * *

Friday

I had another near miss on my way to work. As I waited for my taxi a car jumped the curb and tried to hit me. I got out of the way just in time and only got dinged on my side from the side mirror. I didn't bother calling the police and jumped in the taxi having them speed me to work. I knew I would bruise and hoped that I wouldn't bleed on my work clothes. I had to pay for new ones. I ran up the steps and into the asylum after throwing my money at the hapless driver. I took a quick shower and inspected my side. I was bruising but the cut didn't seem too deep. I didn't want to go to med wing and I did know a doctor. I hoped I would be cleaning his room today. My cart was stocked in record time and I quickly punched in and called in.

"Good Morning V here. Awaiting my room assignment."

"Morning V. Sounding chipper this morning. Please head to room 4653. Patient restrained by guards. Safe to clean."

The elevator seemed to take forever and I hurried to Jokers room. That sink would be spotless or I would be throwing more shoes. Sure enough Joker was restrained, the guards had even wrapped him in chains, and he was casually leaning against the wall playing nice.

"Morning Joker." He smiled big seeing me but it faltered as I got close.

"Limping today?" He lifted an eyebrow and looked around as if one of the guards had done it.

"Tell you about it later. Now play nice." He licked his lips and I got to work cleaning his room. I scrubbed everything down until it was spotless. His sink was clean of dye and the metal shone mirror clear. I stomped out of his cell proud of myself and dumped everything into my bin. I took clean linens into his cell and dropped them onto the mattress. The guards shoved him into his cell and locked the door once I was done. I hadn't left so much as a paper towel in his cell and I was glad for that. One of the older guards bumped against me hitting my side making me almost double over in pain. I took a moment to catch my breath before checking to make sure I wasn't bleeding on my blue shirt.

"I'll stab him for you." Joker was glaring out his peep hole staring daggers at the retreating forms of the guards.

"If you do that I won't see you again." I leaned heavily against my cart and looked over at him.

"Okay now spill the beans, I'm waiting on pins and needles over here." He didn't laugh and his tongue was flicking against his scars.

"Car almost hit me on my way to work. Dinged me with the mirror." His eyes grew dark and I knew he was thinking up ways to kill said driver.

"Show me." I had never seen him this serious as he pointed to my side.

"Joker. I'll get a second opinion later. You need to stay calm so you can get cafeteria privileges later tonight. You said we'd eat around midnight. I'm holding you to that." I gave him my meanest stare and limped off down the hall.

"V finished with room 4653 awaiting next assignment."

"V head to room 4513. Patient sedated and restrained. Safe to clean."

Finally I could get my second opinion. I would just have to be careful of Scarecrow popping out and breaking restraints. Henry wasn't waiting outside his cell, he must be off for the day, and I let myself in.

"Crane you awake?" He rolled over as I walked in. He was restrained in a jacket and had cuffs around his legs. He wasn't going anywhere.

"Morning baby." He sat up and watched me clean. Once I'd finished I dropped all the dirty towels into my cart and walked back in.

"How much medical training have you had? I know you're only psychologist but I was wondering."

"What happened?" He was fully awake now and I could see crow trying to push his way out.

"I need you to stay calm no matter what I tell you ok?"

"I'll try." His lips were in a fine tight line against his face.

"Someone tried to run me over this morning. Joker wants me to get checked out by a doctor. Thought you were the best choice."

"**Show me.**" Crow was fully out now and I shook my head.

"Scarecrow if you break free I won't come back. I'll make sure you're never here every time I come to clean from now on." He took a deep breath and nodded. "Don't touch." I warned him before raising the left side of my shirt and he went livid seeing the bruise forming and the long scratch in my flesh. I could see him fighting with himself and he shook for a moment before speaking.

"**If you don't get out now I will regret it later.**" Crow was struggling with his bonds the fury in his eyes apparent. I rushed out of his cell and leaned against the locked door holding my side breathing heavy. I could hear him throwing himself around his room struggling with his bonds.

"I shouldn't have said anything." I rested my head against the cool metal of the door and held back my tears. I was trusting my life to patients in an asylum. Someone could be trying to kill me just because I had talked to a certain one.

"Victoria please look at me." Cranes voice pleaded at me from behind the door. I opened the cover and looked into his icy blue eyes. "If you start feeling dizzy get to the med wing as soon as you can. Crow wants to tear this whole place apart just so he can get to you. I won't have cafeteria privileges until Saturday. If you can meet me then. Don't die on us." He quickly pulled his face away from the door and I could hear him arguing with Crow softly. I closed the cover and grabbed my radio.

"V finished with room 4513. Awaiting next assignment."

"Head to room 4212 once you're done there take a break. You won't be back on until 11. See you then."

I debated with myself if I should talk to Edward today. I would rather he find out from me then try and hurt another patient for bringing it up. I cleaned room 4212 and walked back to 4217. Edward was in, he was fixing his hair staring intently into the metal above his sink. My head grew fuzzy for a moment and I would be stopping at the med wing soon.

"Hey E." My voice was weak but he still jumped and hurled himself towards the door.

"Oh V! Here to spruce up my little abode?" His eyes met mine and the joking manner faded. "What happened?"

"Got dinged by a car before work. Someone tried to off me again." I could see his face twist in anger. His eyes glowing green as he slammed his fist against the door.

"Go to med wing now. I get to eat tonight around midnight meet me then." He was shaking with anger.

"Gonna need a bigger table then. Joker's gonna be dining with us to help keep me from dying." He was silent and I closed the cover to his door softly.

"Wish I could hug ya E. I could really use one right about now." I limped to the med wing and was checked out by a serious brunette nurse who thought that I would feel better if she continued to poke and prod at my bruising skin.

"Nothing's broken. I think. Any way I'm just gonna give you a shot of localized anesthesia to help ya out. Come back in 6 hours when it wears off and I'll poke ya again." She winked then slammed a syringe into my side making me cry out to every higher deity I knew. My vision swam for a moment before a cold feeling spread across my side. The pain was gone and so was the nurse. I gritted my teeth before finding a couch to nap on until my shift restarted.

Friday 11 PM

"V checking in awaiting assignment." I fixed my hair and stared at the angry bruise on my side. It still didn't hurt and I was glad that nothing serious was wrong.

"Evening V feel free to take a lunch after cleaning room 4779. Patient in therapy. Safe to clean."

I went down to grab my cart and load it back up. I hopped back onto the elevator and headed back up to the fourth floor. Room 4779 was covered in pictures of rabbits. They were all taped to the walls leaving almost not free space. I swept and mopped the floor before stripping the bed. There were several more rabbit pictures shoved into the sheets so I set them on the bare mattress next to the new clean linens. I scrubbed the sink and metal above it. Once I was sure it looked nice I shut the door behind me and checked for the time. It was already 11:45. I would be fashionably late meeting Joker and Edward for dinner.

"V finished with 4779. Heading to cafeteria."

"Enjoy your meal V."

I dropped my cart off and dumped the bins out. I headed back up to the cafeteria on the third floor and walked in. There weren't a lot of people mulling about so I grabbed a tray and filled it with all sorts of random foods. I swiped my name badge at the payment station and turned looking for a table. I saw Joker leaning over a tray inhaling the contents and sat down across from him.

"Can you even taste it?" He stopped eating and looked up at me.

"Glad you could join me." He smiled wiping some mashed potatoes off his chin.

"Glad you were 'good' enough to make it to dinner tonight." I sighed and opened my carton of chocolate milk and took a swig. We ate in silence until Joker froze giving a death stare to my right. I turned and saw Edward standing there with his own tray glaring daggers at Joker.

"No wonder you wanted a bigger table." He sat down next to me and I was wondering why there wasn't a guard supervising the table yet.

"Hello Edward." I took a bite of my pot pie and chewed it slowly watching the two men stare each other down. I could feel the heat from Edward's body he was that close to me. I looked around and saw no guards even paying any attention to us yet. Joker slid his tray to the left of me and made a show of standing up and strutting around the table to sit besides me. I wanted to jump from my seat. This was most defiantly not safe. Why weren't there any guards over here?

"Nigma." Joker gave him a warning glance as he sat down neither of them tried to touch me and we fell into an uneasy silence as we ate.

"Joker." Edward busied himself with eating his fruit cup. I was shaking. I didn't have a bottle of bleach to threaten either of them with.

"So tell me about this car that tried to run my sweet vixen down." Joker chugged his milk container and I swear he was undressing me with his eyes.

"Brown car, older man driving. I didn't get the license plate." I looked down wondering where my pot pie went. I hadn't eaten it already had I?

"Hmm." Joker went back to shoveling his mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"You'll be safe while you're here my little riddle queen." Edward spoke softly and looked over at me. "Are you going to eat that fruit cup?"

I lifted up my fruit cup but before I could give it to him Joker grabbed my wrist. His hands were hot and he pulled my arm over to his tray making me drop my fruit cup into his mashed potatoes. He quickly let me go and I looked down at my tray suddenly finding my creamed corn so very interesting.

"That was for me clown." Edward growled.

"Seems like its mine now." Joker opened the cup and made a show of sucking down the juice before stabbing the fruit with his spork.

"You alright V?" Edward looked down at me as I froze in my spot.

"Shots wearing off. I'll need to head back to med ward soon." My spork was shaking a bit in my hand dropping corn all over my plate. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt two sets of lips on my cheek. Edward and Joker were both kissing me. I was sure they were both glaring daggers at each other before pulling away. My face was beet red and I quickly excused myself from the table ignoring the pain in my side.

"Enjoy dinner you two." I barely managed to squeak out before dumping my tray and rushing out of the room.

I found the same bubbly nurse who stabbed me with a needle the first time. She rechecked my side before stabbing me once again. She really enjoyed shoving needles into me. I grabbed my radio and called in starting my overnight shifts. I tried to push the kiss from Joker and Edward from my mind. As long as neither of them stabbed each other it would all be okay.

Saturday 7:30 AM

I was passed out on a couch in the medical ward. My side had turned a nice shade of reddish purple during the night and stiffened up harder then a rock. Edward was right though, I slept better here then I did at home. My radio crackled to life waking me up from a nice dream about beating Joker with a shoe over his sink being dyed again.

"Morning V. Clean yourself up and head to room 4513. Patient sedated and restrained. Safe to clean."

I yawned and headed to the showers to change into some fresh clothes. I took a cold shower and once again put my hair into a ponytail. After loading up my cart and getting yet another shot in my side I limped onto the fourth floor and headed to Jonathan's room. Henry must still have been off so I peeked in before opening the door. He must still be asleep as he was facing the wall with leg cuffs on.

"Morning Jonathan." My voice practically a whisper I cleaned his room as quietly as I could. He was still out once I finished so I tipped toed to his side and kissed his cheek. He didn't move. "I eat about midnight, hope to see you there." I slipped out of his room and locked the door behind me. He still hadn't moved, his side raising and lowering in a steady rhythm showing he was deeply asleep.

"V finished cleaning room 4513 awaiting next assignment."

"Head to room 4111 patient expired strip everything." I walked slowly down the hall and sighed opening the door to 4111. The walls were covered with pictures of cats. There were so many it would take most of the morning to pull them all down. Wonderful.

Saturday 7PM

I limped to med ward for yet another shot and then passed out on a couch for a few hours. I woke up about midnight and headed to the cafeteria. They were serving pizza and I grabbed a slice of pepperoni. I had splurged on a bottle of Dr. Pepper from the vending machines in the med ward. I didn't see Jonathan anywhere so I sat down at an empty table in the corner. _This pizza is frigging delicious! Oh sweet pizza god thank you for gracing me with this oh so tasty morsel._ I was shoving the pizza into my mouth when a tray set itself down across from me. Looking up I saw Jonathan sit down without a word. He had the pizza too but didn't seem too interested in it.

"Don't you like pizza?" He tossed it onto my plate without meeting my eyes.

"You're not going to stab me with a spork are you? Cause if you are I'd like the chance to run away screaming first." He sighed and held his head as if it were pounding.

"They're trying out new anti-psychotic meds on me. My head feels like its about to explode." His voice was flat and his eyes had dark circles under them.

"I'm sorry." I looked down at my tray feeling horrible.

"Don't worry about it. How's your side."

"I look like road kill." I sighed and scooted back when a guard walked up and started overseeing the table. _Oh now a guard shows up. Where were you last night when I was alone with Joker and Edward?_ I gave the guard a nasty look and he flipped me off.

"Everything alright?" I looked up to meet the icy blue stare.

"Not hardly." I looked back down at my pizza and poked it.

"Would another plushie help?" I looked up and he was sucking down his juice box.

"How are you able to send those anyways?"

"It's a secret." He grabbed his spork and pushed his green beans around.

"Well at least a plushie is better then the lace thongs Joker sent me." I heard a choking sound and Jonathan barely got his green beans down.

"He sent you what?" I could tell that he was struggling with himself and the guard put a hand up to his radio.

"Please calm down. You freak out and they'll take you away." I could see his face turning red and he took a deep breath looking as if he were falling off a tall cliff.

"**You're not wearing them are you?**" Crow was out but he was making an attempt at staying calm.

"I was going to burn them." I wondered what he would do if he caught me wearing them around. _Wait, when would he ever see me in my underwear?_

"**If you ever wear them I will personally rip them off and destroy them.**" His eyes were blazing with dark fire and I froze with the pizza slice in my mouth. A fight broke out on the other side of the cafeteria and the guard watching us rushed over to help.

"Crow, when would you ever see me in my underwear?" He leaned forward and made a come hither motion with his hand. I looked around before leaning towards him. He kissed me roughly and I didn't stop him. After a few seconds I pulled back and sat down hoping no one saw.

"**Take care of your self. Anything else happens I'm breaking us out to personally protect you.**" Crow licked his lips before returning to his juice box as if nothing had happened. The guards soon came and dragged him back to his cell leaving me to take both our trays to the trash.

Sunday 2:45 AM

"V head to room 4002. Hazmat guidelines in place. Patient in observation."

I made sure that I had enough gowns, gloves and booties before pushing my cart to the room and flinging open the door. I nearly vomited and slammed the door closed. There was shit everywhere. There was shit on the ceiling, on the mattress, the floor and even shit hand prints on the walls.

"V calling maintenance please respond."

"Hey V Larry here."

"Hey Larry I need help with a Hazmat 4002. Hope you have a strong stomach." I clicked my radio off and suited up. I grabbed a hair net from my emergency stash and my lilac scented mask to keep me from blowing chunks while I cleaned. I didn't open the door until Larry arrived with his cart. I just pointed and he gave me a strange look before opening the door.

"That's a lot of shit." He suited up and gave me a look from behind his protective mask. "You always call me for the good ones don't you?"

"Sorry Larry, I can't choose my rooms." He opened his big bin and rolled the shit soaked mattress into a ball and shoved it in making sure to lock the lid closed. He cleaned the ceiling and motioned me to the rest of the room.

"All yours. Have fun." He pushed his cart off and I shuddered staring at the room of my nightmares. I scrubbed it until it was spotless once more. I left clean linens on the now clean floor and double checked my work. I dumped everything into my bins and stripped my Hazmat suit off making sure not to let anything get on my skin. I locked my bin closed to try and keep the smell contained.

"V finished with room 4002. Need to dump my Hazmat material any new orders?"

"Clean up V then report to room 4653. Patient restrained and waiting for you. Armed guards standing by."

I went down to the laundry room and dumped everything into the nice smell proof red bags and shoved them down the chute with extreme prejudice. I hosed my bins out and shoved dryer sheets into the bottom to try and freshen them up. I took a long shower and slathered myself with lilac scented soap. I would not let myself be tainted by that room of horrors. I walked back to the fourth floor clean with a new cart and met the guards milling around a chained Joker.

"Hi." He looked me over and seemed more tired then anything.

"Hey yourself." I flung open his cell and then promptly beamed him in the head with my shoe.

"Oh you must really love me." He was glaring daggers at me as I slid my shoe back on.

"Keep your sink clean and I won't have to keep throwing things at you." I huffed and stormed back into his cell stripping the paint off the walls and floor. It took me twice as long as usual to clean his sink but finally it was sparkling and I could put fresh linens on his bed.

He walked into his room and took a deep breath. "Oh it smells so clean. I just can't wait to mess it all up." He grinned as the guards closed his door and walked off. One of the guards pushed me over as he left making the others chuckle as they walked into the nearest elevator. I struggled to my feet holding my side and clutched my cart as my vision blurred for a moment.

"That's it I'm gonna stab that one." He was leaning up against his door peeking out the peep hole and frowning. His tongue ran over the scars at the corner of his mouth. "So you finally gonna show me where the car hit you?" He gave me puppy dog eyes. "Pretty please?" He lifted an eyebrow and made a sexy face.

"Joker not now." I finally could stand up straight and catch my breath.

"Well if you won't show me I'll just have to break out and see for myself."

"If it will shut you up here." I lifted my shirt enough so he could see the angry bruise covering my entire side the mottled red and purple coloring my skin. It shut him up and I angrily pulled my shirt back down. "I've got to get back to work." He didn't say a word and disappeared from view. I slammed the cover closed and winced. I needed drugs, really heavy drugs.

"V checking in room 4653 done awaiting orders."

"Take a break V. Nothing on my radar yet. Check back later."

I limped back to the med ward and curled up on one of the couches in the halls. Everything hurt and I wanted to just sleep it all off.


	9. Unwanted Surprises

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. The song in this chapter is "Oh Nick Not so Quick" by E-Rotic. I'll find a new band to listen too soon don't worry. Enjoy.**

_Thoughts_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 9: Unwanted surprises

* * *

Sunday 11:58 PM

"V finished cleaning room 4333 awaiting orders." My hands were bleeding from the harsh cleaner I had to use on the last few rooms. I was almost home free, I would be off until Wednesday again once this shift was over. I was going to soak in my bathtub until I pruned again.

"You're all set V see you Wednesday." That was it, I was done. Free until Wednesday. I pushed my cart back towards 4653 to being my nightly goodbyes. His room was unguarded and I opened the cover quietly. Peering in I saw him curled up on his bed sleeping soundly.

"Night Joker see you Wednesday." I spoke softly and I don't know how he heard me because his hand lifted off the bed and waved. He snored once then rolled over giving me a nice view of his firm ass. I closed the cover and shook my head. Even semi-conscious he was trying to impress me.

I slipped up to Jonathan's room next. It was silent inside and I slid open the cover to his peephole. He was unrestrained lounging on his bed. He was holding what looked like a well used copy of playboy in his hands. I smirked and knocked on his door. He quickly shoved the magazine to the other side of his body and looked at the door as if it had come alive.

"Night Crane. Seems like you don't need me anymore. Enjoy your magazine." I went to close the peephole until his voice stopped me.

"V…nothing happened I swear. They came onto me with their buxom breasts and tight fine asses." His blue eyes were pleading through the glass. "I was weak don't leave me!" I giggled to myself and he joined in after a moment.

"Jonathan keep it in your pants. I'll see you Wednesday." I closed his cover and could still hear him softly giggling inside.

"Night V make sure to cuddle my plushies extra tight and think of me."

I had a big smile on my face as I neared Edward's room. I could hear him muttering to himself as I opened the cover to his peephole. There were bits of paper everywhere and he seemed to be wildly scribbling into a notebook.

"No that's too easy. Need one to really make that shrink's head spin." He was sitting on the floor with his back to the door. I decided to play with him a bit.

"Night night daddy see you Wednesday." I put on my best bedroom voice and he nearly threw his pen across the room as he flipped around to face the door. His eyes were wide open and his jaw hung open a bit in surprise. I closed the cover and giggled to myself as a stunned silence continued to erupt from his room. I was giddy from lack of sleep and a little bit high on window cleaner. A good nights rest should clear that right up. I sauntered to the elevator and headed to the laundry room to pack up. All too soon I had punched out and had a taxi waiting to take me home.

Monday

I awoke snuggled up against my scarecrow plushie and sighed. I had a weakness for plushies that was a mile wide. I needed a bath though, my hands had dried blood on them from last nights cleaning and my side had locked up during the night. I sauntered to my bathroom and filled the tub with lilac bath salts and hot water. I stirred in some bubble mix and stripped down to slip inside.

_Oh, Nick please not so quick_

_You know I want it big_

_I wanna feel like in heaven_

_Just like in heaven__  
__Oh, Nickie not so quick_

_You know that makes me sick_

_I wanna feel you forever__  
__You are so sweet and I feel the heat_

_You are the one you're the one, that I need_

_Oh, yeah, yeah, baby, do it to me_

_I wanna feel you deep, wanna feel you so deep_

I slipped into the bath and felt myself relax into the sweet smelling water. I scrubbed myself clean and rinsed my hair out just letting the warmth spread through my whole body.

_Baby, hold me tight, baby hold me just tight_

_I can't stand, stand, stand it all night_

_I want you and you know it's high noon_

_I'm come, come, coming real soon__  
__Oh, Nick please not so quick_

_You know I want it big_

_I wanna feel like in heaven, __Just like in heaven__  
__Oh, Nickie not so quick_

_You know that makes me sick_

_I wanna feel you forever_

_Aah, aah, aah, aah Nickie, Nickie_

_Baby, let's come together_

_I wanna feel you as long as I can_

I sighed and leaned back in the tub letting all my stress and pains melt away in the bubbly froth around me. I heard a knocking at my door and it ripped me from my peaceful cocoon all too soon. Stepping out of the bath I slipped my blue bathrobe on and cinched it tightly closed. I padded over to my door and peeked out into the hallway.

_Head over heals, I'm breaking your seals_

_So gimme some more, just to see how it feels_

_So join me wanna go to the top_

_Having sex ain't gonna be a flop__  
__Oh, baby I can't stand it no more_

_Never been in heaven before_

_Can't hold back baby feel it oh wow_

_I'm come' come' coming right now__  
__Nickie no quickie, wait till you feel,_

_I'm ready, __Please hold me tight in the dark of the night_

_Aah, aah, aah, aah Nickie, Nickie good night Nickie_

The hallway was empty and I sighed wondering if the parade of flowers and gifts was about to start again. Cautiously I opened my door, leaving the chain on, and peeked out into the hall. There were no flowers just a small box sitting next to my door. I just reached out and pulled the box into my apartment. It fit in the palm of my hand and was wrapped in shiny blue paper. I made sure to lock my door behind me and pulled the paper off. A black velvet box looked back at me and I wondered what was inside. Opening it I almost dropped the box and stifled back a scream. An eye fell out of the box and bounced around on my floor before staring up at me. It was soaked with blood and it had spilled onto my hand and down the front of my robe as I threw the black box down and ran for my phone. Several moments later I had a room full of police taking pictures and asking me questions. Once they left I scrubbed the blood from my wood flooring and threw my robe into my clothes hamper while I shook. I pulled a green fuzzy robe from my closet and slipped it on before pulling the scarecrow plushie from my bed as if it were able to protect me.

"I don't want to be alone right now." I whimpered into the plushie as I drained my tub and crept to my couch. I still didn't fully trust the police so I searched my apartment and found several small devices planted all over. I smashed them then flushed the bits making sure to double check that they were all gone. Joker was right I couldn't trust Gotham PD.

I couldn't believe that I was doing this, some of the patients could receive phone calls. I called main reception and nervously tapped my foot while waiting for the receptionist to pick up.

"Arkham asylum how may I help you today."

"Yes this is Victoria from housekeeping. I was wondering if any of the following patients had phone privileges this week."

"Hey V go on and shoot me those names."

"Joker?"

"Ha he won't get a phone until hell freezes over." She laughed a bit before putting on her serious voice. "Any others?"

"Edward Nigma?"

"Sorry he's in therapy all day. Anyone else?"

"Jonathan Crane?" The phone went silent for a moment.

"Please hold." I was surprised that he was allowed a phone but then I looked at the plushie clutched in my arms and figured that was how he ordered it.

"Hello?" Crane sounded confused as he picked up the line.

"Oh hey Jonathan. How are you?" I tried to sound like I wasn't speaking to a mental patient.

"V? Miss me already?" He had put on his sexy voice.

"Just needed someone to talk to. I just had a room full of police." I collapsed onto my couch and pulled the plushie to my face to nuzzle it.

"What happened." Sexy voice gone.

"Someone mailed me an eye, well it was delivered like the presents you guys all sent me. I didn't know what it was until it was just…staring up at me."

"Whose eye was it?"

"I don't know! It left me covered in blood and I was just hoping that none of you three mailed it to me." I was shaking wishing I had never picked up the phone.

"**Don't open your door again. Still got those plushies we sent you?**" Crow was growling, he sounded even more dangerous over the phone.

"Yes." My voice was small and I stared at the blue button eyes before me.

"**Come into work tomorrow, go to the med wing. We'll keep our baby safe since no one else can.**" The line clicked off and I ended the call. True employees could use the med wing when they weren't on duty, but would I survive the trip there?

"Come on scarecrow," I held the plushie to my chest. "lets make sure I survive to tomorrow." I made sure all my windows were locked and pushed my couch up against my door. I pulled all the shades closed and locked myself in the bathroom with a blanket and a pile of pillows. I rubbed my side softly and winced as the firm bruised flesh sent flashes of pain behind my eyes.

Tuesday 6 AM

I flung my money at another hapless taxi driver and rushed into Arkham as if the devil himself were on my heels. I walked up to med ward in my street clothes. A pair of jeans that went down only to my calves, multicolored toe socks, my stained tennis shoes and a light green tank top. My hair was pulled up into a pony tail and I checked into the med ward.

"Hey V why are you in here on your day off?" Vicky, one of the nurses I befriended over my last few over night shifts, walked over to me fixing her mousy brown hair.

"My side's really killing me Vicky, think you can check it out for me?"

"Anything for you sugar." She led me to the back where she checked my file for any x-rays and finding none she dragged me to the big machine and made sure to take a lot. I was then led to a very comfy room and hooked up to an IV while she waited for the results. I had just started to drift off when she marched back in looking upset.

"You have a broken rib." She pointed an accusing finger at me. "You should be taking it easy for the next few weeks not running yourself ragged cleaning rooms."

"Oh this coming from the girl who came to work with a broken ankle?" I gave her a smug look as the anger melted off her face.

"Oh ouch, throwing that one back at me. Alright I won't write you up. Just relax in here and I'll get you fixed up right as rain." She marched back out and I snuggled into the scratchy wool blanket. Several minutes later she returned and injected my line with painkillers. Oh the sweet bliss of painkillers. "Lunch is at 11 I'll bring you a menu later. Just get some sleep you look like you need it.

"Thanks Vicky." I smiled and waved at her as she left. Maybe hanging out here on my days off wouldn't be so bad. I passed out sprawled across the bed, one leg poking out from under the blanket.

"Wakey wakey time to order lunch." A menu was batted against my face until I woke up. I shot Vicky a dirty glare before sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"Eleven already?"

"Yep now what should I get ya?" She seemed way too perky.

"How about the hot turkey sandwich, mashed potatoes, jell-o and a Dr. Pepper from the machine?" I smirked as the menu was pulled from my grasp.

"That's fine, but its going on your tab." She shot me a smile and nearly bounced out of the room. I had just started to relax when I heard shouting from the hallway.

"I know she's here. Yes I need medical attention now let me go, my baby needs me!" I pressed a pillow over my face as Vicky hurried back into the room red faced.

"V? Any reason why I have two patients trying to get privileges to your room?"

"Two?" I slipped out from under the pillow just in time to see several guards bring both Edward and Joker to the room. Edward was bleeding from his cheek but had a big smile on his face. Joker had a black eye and looked bored. "If they have privileges I guess they can take a seat over there, heavily restrained of course." I pointed across the room and the guards dragged them both in and chained them to some metal chairs.

"Welcome back." Joker licked his lips and relaxed as much as he could while wearing a straightjacket and chains. His hair was messy and he still had traces of grease paint on his scars.

"Oh shut up clown can't you see that my baby is in pain." Edward snapped at Joker before turning his pleading green eyes to me. "Don't worry daddy will take care of the pain I promise."

"Oh shut it Nigma. The only reason you're here is because you begged me for a way to sneak you in." Joker licked his scars before speaking again. "You owe me for busting your cheek open like a melon."

"Okay everyone needs to shut up now so V can eat. If you two upset her I swear to god you'll be on the next list of vasectomy patients." Vicky was a life saver. Both men shut right up and even paled a little. Joker seemed uncomfortable in his pants and shifted quite a bit without meeting my eyes. Edward was patched up quickly with small butterfly wound closures. Four white strips shown against his cheek as he sat patiently.

We ate in silence until started eating my jell-o. I had started using my fingers and sliding them into my mouth along with the jiggly cubes of sugary goodness. Both men were aptly paying attention until the last cube of jell-o was gone. I sucked my fingers clean before opening my Dr. Pepper and taking a swig. I tried to ignore Jokers glazed eyes or wandering tongue. He really enjoyed my jell-o, probably more then I did. I slowly screwed the cap back onto my soda.

"Crane you pull away one more time and I'm putting you back in your room." Henry's voice rang out in the halls. Within moments a red faced Henry was leading a flushed Crane into my room. He lost his grip when he saw Joker sitting in the corner leering at him.

"Oh V you made it." He was at my side and crushing his lips to mine faster then I could blink. His tongue tried to pry my lips open but Henry was quicker and pulled him away.

"God damn it Crane stop trying to rape the poor woman." Another metal chair was brought into the room and Crane was placed in between Edward and Joker. I now had a room full of sexy men. I let my mind wander for a moment before sighing loudly.

"Are you all going to play nice?" They were all glaring at each other, seeming to drone me out. I waited for Henry to step into the hallway before I spoke again. "Oh no my clothes have somehow fallen off!" All three men snapped their heads towards me so fast that I swear I felt a breeze.

"Oh not fair." Joker slid back into his seat looking dejected and Edward looked as if he were about to faint.

"**Don't tempt us.**" Crow had popped out from the stress of the moment.

"Sorry just didn't want you all to kill each other. I don't think I could take it if I got any more blood on me this week." I pulled the covers up to my chin and stared at the ceiling. Having all three of them in one room was probably one big mistake.

"Everyone playing nice?" Vicky came into the room to collect my tray and gave the men a dirty look.

"Yes mother." Joker kicked his feet out in an attempt to get comfortable. "Care to loosen these chains. I feel a little, squeezed doc."

"Rest up V. I'll wake you up for dinner." Vicky ignored Joker and walked out of the room.

"So how did you all know that I would be here today?" I shot Crane an accusing look.

"Why would I tell them, I wanted you all to myself." He huffed and tugged at his bonds.

"Oh a little birdie told me that you tried to call me yesterday." Joker licked his lips. "Figured you would show up sooner or later."

"Wait you didn't know for sure that she would show up, and I let you punch me anyways?" Edward's face started to turn red and he looked around Crane to send Joker a dirty look.

"She's here isn't she. Now just sit back and enjoy the view. Maybe she'll get a sponge bath." Joker smirked and gave me his sexiest look. The other two men groaned and stared at me with a hungry look in their eyes.

"I'm not getting a sponge bath!" I sat up in bed and grabbed for my nurse call button.

"Might as well tell them about your delivery yesterday." Crane was back and his voice drew my eyes to his.

"Delivery? From who?" Edward shot a look to Joker who just shrugged.

"Wasn't from me. I don't have the newest issue of the 'Victoria's Secret' Catalog. Don't worry I'll find you something…tasteful." He smirked and laughed a bit.

"Don't you mail my baby anything you disgusting clown. She's a girl who deserves jewels not scraps of cloth." Edward was fuming.

"Someone sent me an eye. And no I don't know who its from." That shut both Joker and Edward up. Joker mouthed 'an eye' before raising an eyebrow and shooting me a concerned glance. Edward just sat there pale for a moment.

"You really should find a new place to stay." Crane suddenly looked tired.

"Oh yes by all means get a new place, make sure it has some extra rooms." Edward nodded before looking up at me with shining green eyes. "Once you do I'll come and protect you."

"Like hell you will." Joker licked the scarred corners of his mouth. "No one will touch the future Mrs. J once I get out of here."

"**Don't worry we'll get to you first.**" Crane's icy blue eyes seemed to burn right into my soul.

"If I move I'm not giving any of you my address." I didn't want three crazy men breaking into my house and killing each other.

"Oh you won't need to." Joker looked smug and sat in his corner patiently.

I groaned and rolled onto my side, pulling the blanket over my head. They all looked too damn sexy for their own good. It wasn't fair.


	10. Copping a feel

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 10: Copping a feel

* * *

Wednesday

"Hey V wake up, its almost time for your shift." Vicky shook me awake and my eyes shot to the far side of the room which was empty.

"Where are the guys?" I yawned and tried not to stretch.

"Back in their rooms where they belong. Now go take a shower and punch in." She pulled the IV from my arm and slapped on a pink band aid. "Oh and I took the liberty of removing your stitches while you were out. No charge." She winked at me and sauntered off.

"I need a cold shower." I mumbled to myself before staggering off to the women's showers. For a moment my mind wandered and I thought of sneaking into the patient showers but I quickly shook it off. I'm not opening that can of worms. I froze in the cold shower and dressed quickly. I clicked on my radio while I loaded my cart. My side felt so much better today.

"V checking in. Good morning."

"Well good morning V. Please report to room 4513. Armed guard standing by safe to clean." No sedation today?

I pushed my cart into the elevator and ran into Larry from maintenance. We rode upstairs and exchanged pleasant greetings. He was heading up to the fifth floor and waved at me as I hopped off on the fourth.

"Good luck V."

"Thanks Larry you too." I pushed my cart down the hall and found Henry once again at his post outside Jonathan's room.

"This your only posting Henry?" I shot him a look and he chuckled to himself.

"Someone has to keep the perverts in line. Don't worry about him I chained him up good." He let me in and I began cleaning.

"Morning sunshine." Jonathan must have just come from the showers himself. His hair was damp and he smelled strongly of soap. He had chains on his legs and his straightjacket seemed almost a size too small.

"Morning bright eyes." I finished buffing the metal above his sink and turned around to see him pouting on the bed. "What now you big baby?"

"I'm all wound up and can't do a thing about it." He sighed and arched against the bed. "Come help me out."

"Sorry I only do that in life or death situations." I made sure that Henry wasn't watching before I sexily walked over to his bed and leaned close to his cheek. "Here's one for the road though." I softly kissed his chin then walked out of his room hearing him groan.

"You're gonna be the death of me woman."

"Not soon enough." Henry slammed the door closed and made sure it was locked.

"His jacket seems too small, I don't wanna see him hurt." I dumped the dirty towels into the bins and looked back at Henry.

"Don't you worry about him miss, he'll survive." He didn't leave but just leaned back against the door crossing his arms over his chest.

"V finished with room 4513 awaiting next assignment." I sighed to myself and hoped that Jonathan wouldn't end up in the med ward again.

"V head to room 4776 patient transferred to Blackgate. Prepare for new occupancy." I pushed my cart down the hall and peeked in the room before opening the door. The room didn't look too bad so I washed the walls and floor but stopped when I stripped the linens from the bed. There was a blow up doll staring right back up at me. I put on my hazmat gloves and shoved it into my trash bin. I left clean linens on the bed and began cleaning the sink and buffing the metal to a mirror finish. I wasn't going to cart that thing around with me all day so I went down to laundry and shoved everything into a red hazmat bag and kicked it down the chute.

"V finished with room 4776 awaiting next assignment."

"Head to room 4653 V. Patient restrained and armed guard present safe to clean." I hummed to myself as I hopped back into the elevator and headed to Jokers humble abode. He only had two guards today and I lifted an eyebrow at him.

"I've been a good boy lately." He smirked and licked his scars before motioning to the two guards. "Just for my own protection of course."

"Sure Joker." I sighed and opened his door to another painted mess. I resisted the urge to beat him over the head with my mop as I saw his sink not only dyed green but caked with paint. I swore under my breath as I scrubbed his room clean until it nearly sparkled. I came back out into the hallway and both guards were unconscious on the floor bleeding from their faces. Joker was nowhere to be seen. _Oh hell. _

"V reporting from room 4653 guards need medical attention patient missing." I sighed and slammed my cleaning supplies down on my cart.

"We're on it V all security personnel dispatched. Head to med ward for lock down." I didn't waste any time and pushed my cart to the elevators and down to med ward. Everyone seemed to be running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Vicky ran over to me and grabbed my arm.

"Time to go V. Joker was sighted near the generators. If we lose power the asylum opens up and everyone walks out. Everyone." She pulled me to the emergency stairs and down to the parking lot. She didn't even think twice before shoving me into her car and driving away so fast that her tiles squealed. She wasn't alone, the staff were pouring out of the asylum like ants.

"Vicky take me home please." My throat was dry and I was sure that I was shaking like a leaf. She just nodded and blew through a stop sign on the way to my building. She stopped only long enough to let me out.

"Victoria, stay safe I'll call you later and let you know what happened." She drove off once I closed the door and I ran into my building and up the stairs. There were no packages waiting for me so I let myself into my apartment. I made sure to check every window and re lock my door before collapsing onto my couch. I clicked on my T.V and flipped to the news station. I was surprised to see that they were already covering the asylum on the news.

"This is Brenda Starr reporting for Gotham Tonight. In the wake of a massive takeover at Arkham Asylum this evening it is rumored that the infamous Joker has freed over one hundred patients and set them free on the streets. The Gotham PD is in a standoff with residence to try and negotiate the release of several doctors and security guards who had been trapped inside." A mug shot of Joker appeared on the screen. It seemed to leer out at me. "We'll keep you informed of any new developments. In other news we'll send you over to our popular news reporter Kelly Windsle." The picture flashed to a young woman with long blonde hair and obviously fake tits.

"Thank you Brenda and oh my do I have a treat for you!" Suddenly the camera panned over to what seemed like a hundred puppies in a fenced in area. "Its puppy bonanza in Gotham park today. The local Gotham animal shelter is hosting a massive adoption center for today only. So bring your little ones on down and find yourself a wriggling puppy to take home."

"That seems like such a good idea now." I clicked off the T.V and pulled my afghan over my head. Hundreds of potentially psychotic criminals were now wandering the streets. _I should have called for more guards._"Well today can't get any worse can it?" I rolled over into a ball and hid under the blanket until sleep pulled me in.

Wednesday 10:12 PM

There was a loud banging on my door and I fell off the couch in surprise. I walked over to my door and peeked through the peephole. All I saw was green, I opened my door a crack to see what it could possibly be and the door was pushed open and a bouquet of roses was shoved into my face.

"Oh my, my. I think I'm going to like it here." Edward's voice snapped my head from the roses in surprise. He was wearing a nicely trimmed green suit covered with black question marks. He had a green hat and even a cane with a golden question mark on it. He walked over to my couch and set his hat down on the edge before pulling off his coat and setting it along with his cane down onto the cushions. I closed the door behind me and was at a loss for words.

"How?" Edward looked dashing in a suit and he had cleaned up very nicely. He walked over and took the roses from me and headed off towards my kitchen.

"Better get these in some water, I want your hands free tonight." He chuckled to himself and I slowly walked into the middle of my living room to stare into the kitchen. He pulled a slurpie cup from my cabinets and filled it with water before carefully sliding the roses into it. He took a moment to adjust it then looked back up at me. "Oh don't look so surprised darling. I should have done this ages ago. Now that I've got you alone we can finally get down to business." A large smile broke across his face.

"B-Business?" I tried to remember if I had a baseball bat lying around anywhere.

"Oh yes, we need to plan our wedding. I can just see you in an emerald green dress walking down that isle. Oh is that the bedroom?" He bustled past me and into my bedroom as if he owned the place. He walked out a moment later holding my plushies and looking upset. "Oh honey buns now why would you keep these? They remind me of someone unpleasant."

"I like plushies." I pulled all three from his grip holding them tightly against me. "If Crane were here he'd…"

"Oh but he's not here is he? Now don't worry sugar plum, I'll help you forget all about that nasty two faced pansy boy." His hand stroked my cheek and he pulled my lips to his. The next thing I know I felt both of his hands on my ass and they squeezed it tightly. I wanted to scream but before I could someone began pounding on my door again.

"I'll get that." I pushed the plushies into his arms and pried myself from his grip. I ran to the door hoping to god that a cop was here to save me. I swung the door wide open and saw none other then Jonathan. He was dressed up in a suite holding a handful of daises and a bottle of wine. He was wearing glasses and that innocent sexy look drained from his face when he saw Edward holding my plushies. He pushed past me shoving the flowers and wine into my arms. I shut the door behind him and went to hide in my kitchen. I shoved the wine and the flowers into my fridge and peeked out into the living room.

"What are you doing here Nigma?" Crane looked sexy in his black suit.

"I could say the same for you bird boy. You're disturbing a very delicate moment between me and my lady. Get out before I cut you again."

"Your lady? Last time I checked she seemed to prefer my company to yours. How dare you kiss what's mine." He got right up into Edward's face staring at him eye to eye.

"No one takes my baby away." Edward swung first and his fist connected with Crane's sexy jaw with a loud crack. Suddenly they were both on the floor punching and fighting each other. Clothes were ripping and I could see flecks of blood on my newly clean floor.

"Oh now children stop ruining my floors. You've ruined the surprise for Mrs. J." Joker was standing in the middle of my apartment soaking wet and wearing nothing but my green fuzzy robe. It only went to his mid thigh and he had lazily tied it closed, leaving plenty of chest exposed. He looked up at me and made a kissing face before addressing the two men on the floor. "Now get out before I throw you out. There's only one bed here and I'm determined to break it before sunrise." He licked his lips and kicked Edward in the side pushing him away from Crane. Edward and Crane both sent me an accusing look as they stood up.

"How long has he been here?" Edward pointed at the Joker and his face was turning red.

"**He was in your tub?**" Crow was out and he was livid. I was speechless. There was no way in hell I was sleeping here with those three men. I wondered if there was an 1-800 number for Batman.

"I think we broke her." Edward was nursing a broken lip as he noticed that I hadn't moved or spoken in several moments.

"Oh well then I'll just tuck her into bed." Joker made a move towards me and was promptly punched in the gut by Crane. He doubled over with an 'oomph'. Next thing I knew I was in Crane's arms and he was carefully setting me onto my bed. He checked me for a fever by placing a cool hand on my head. He leaned close and brushed his lips over my ear making me shiver.

"Get some rest baby. I've got a lot of ass to kick before I join you." He took off his jacket and covered me with it. He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and unbuttoned the top few buttons. Cracking his neck, he marched out to my living room and closed my door behind him.

I reached over to my nightstand and opened the drawer looking for my cell phone. Then I remembered that it was still in my locker at work. _Oh fuck my life._ I whimpered to myself and buried my head into the nearest pillow. Could I survive a jump from the fourth story without too much damage?


	11. Slumber Party

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_Thoughts_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 11: Slumber party

* * *

Thursday 3:15 AM

I didn't hear anything coming from the living room. All the scuffling had died down over an hour ago. I was starving and would have to brave the carnage on the way to the kitchen. I slipped Crane's jacket on and peeked out of the room. Everything was a mess, there was glass and shoes everywhere. I snuck out towards the kitchen and gained my courage back seeing everyone passed out. Joker was snoring on my couch with my afghan pulled over his body, one bare leg hanging out over the side. He was covered in bruises and had a split lip. Edward was lying just under the window, his jacket bundled up under his head. He looked like he'd been kicked half to death and I felt sorry for him. Crane was curled up with my plushies near the kitchen. His breathing was deep and steady. He had a black eye and his shirt was torn and stained with blood.

_They almost look adorable._ If they hadn't been bleeding and sporting injuries of war the scene would have been almost too cute for words. I snuck into the kitchen and made myself some noodles while I chugged some Dr. Pepper. I ate in silence watching everyone sleep. Finishing my bowl I placed it in the sink and carefully stepped back out of the kitchen. I wasn't going to risk a bath right now but I needed to see how bad Joker trashed my bathroom.

I flicked on the light and flinched at the horror show before me. My tub was stained green and my sink was caked in makeup. He had just tossed his clothes on the floor in a big tangled heap and I grabbed them to start cleaning. As I took the clothes to the hamper I noticed that there weren't any underwear in the pile. I searched the bathroom and still didn't find any. Apparently Mr. Joker enjoyed hanging free. I pulled my rubber gloves from under my sink and began the long process of reclaiming my bathroom.

I must have fallen asleep scrubbing because I was awakened by the sound of water hitting water. I peered over my shoulder just in time to see my green robe before snapping my head back towards the tub. _The nerve!_ Joker was taking a piss in my bathroom without bothering to make sure it was empty. He flushed and walked out like it was some kind of normal thing. My anger flashed again and I stormed out of the bathroom in time to see both Edward and Crane topless stretching as if they had slept in a box all night. My words died in my throat.

I heard a rustling from my bedroom and I walked in just in time to see Joker going through my closet tossing clothes to the floor left and right. Obviously he didn't find what he was looking for and moved to my dresser pulling open drawers and rifling through my panties.

"Get the fuck out of my underwear Joker." He spun around with several thongs in his hand and lifted an eyebrow as he shook them at me.

"Come in and get them. If you can." He grinned big and lifted them all to his face taking a big sniff before leering at me. "Think any of these are in my size?"

My mouth opened and closed several times as I tried to think of something to say. I rushed from my room down the hall. Crane and Edward were giving each other death glares again and my head was beginning to ache. I was just starting to imagine the mess they would all create if they stayed here. Messy bathroom, giant green question marks on the walls, a naked Crane. _Wait what._ I blinked that thought away. Oh no. No touching. I shook my head making my headache worse. I walked past world war 5 and into my kitchen. I started rummaging through my drawers until I found my last bottle of Advil. I took two, almost debated on seven, and chased them down with some soda. I was harshly rubbing my temples when I heard a murmuring from the living room.

"What did you do clown face? My baby looks like she's in pain." Edward's voice was accusing.

"Probably just a headache puzzle boy. I know just what will help her…relax." I could hear Joker licking his lips all the way in here.

"Hands off you both. She's wearing my jacket. Seems she's already chosen who gets to comfort her." I groaned as Crane pulled me into his arms and shot the other men a dirty look.

"Oh this isn't over bird boy." Edward's voice was deadly calm. "I've already got a dress picked out I just need to slip her into it and she's mine. I'm going to steal a ring tonight that'll make her swoon for me."

"Well while you two are off gallivanting around the city getting her jewels and toys I'm just gonna fuck her." Joker laughed and sat back down on the couch pulling the afghan over his lap. "Oh yes by all means head out and leave the pretty lady to me."

"**I'm gonna end you both.**" Crow was out and his grip was almost painfully tight. This was too much. I was crushed against his chest and his stitches were pressing into my cheek. I did the only thing I could think of to free myself, I ran my tongue over the line of black thread from his chest and slowly down. Once his grip loosened from shock I bolted to my room and slammed the door shut. I pushed my dresser up against the door and sat down on the end of my bed.

"Oh I'll have some of that." Joker's voice rang out through the door and he laughed for a moment before going silent.

My room was a mess and I cleaned it up banging drawers closed and slamming things around. My hands were shaking as I closed my closet door and rested my head against it.

Thursday 2 PM

A knock sounded on my bedroom door. I jerked up from my bed disorientated from sleep. My dresser was still firmly wedged against the door and I felt a bit safer. "What?" I hoped my voice sounded better then I felt.

"Oh it's just me. Do you want to have some dinner? Crane and Joker choked each other out and we have he place to ourselves." Edward sounded like a pouty child.

"Dinner?" My stomach was grumbling and I was so sorely tempted.

"Oh yes I made some sandwiches and soup. Nothing's drugged I swear."

"Wait in the kitchen I'm coming out."

"Anything you say baby."

I pulled my dresser away from my door and listened to make sure he wasn't lurking on the other side. True to his word he had retreated to the kitchen and I crept into the bathroom to freshen up. Feeling relieved I padded to the kitchen taking in the scene of Joker, tangled up in my afghan, passed out next to Crane. His shirt was ripped open and his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. They both had their hands wrapped around the others throat and it looked almost comical.

Edward had two bowls of tomato soup and a plate piled high with grilled cheese sandwiches waiting for me. My mouth watered as I eyed him warily. To prove they weren't drugged he took a bit before motioning towards the pile with his free hand. We ate silently and kept watching each other until we had finished. He was acting really sweet and inched closer to me after we had finished eating.

"Hey V?" His voice was small.

"Yes E?" I looked over at him

"You missed a spot." He darted forward and ran his tongue over the corner of my lips before kissing me and pressing me against the counter. His hands were on my hips gently holding me in place. I found myself kissing back and holding onto the front of his torn shirt. All too soon he was wrenched away from me by his hair. "Who dares!" He was flung to the floor by Crane who was red in the face. I was going to run back to my room before I was picked up and tossed out into the hallway. Joker tossed a few twenties onto my chest.

"Go buy a pizza or something, we need to have a man to man talk." He closed the door and I heard my locks clicking into place. I grabbed the money in my fist and pounded on my door.

"Let me back in. You guys better not be bleeding on my floors!" When no one came to the door I bit back a scream. I was wearing a pair of blue fuzzy pajama pants and a tight black t-shirt and only had my toe socks on my feet. I trudged down my hallway pissed off to high heaven. "I am so finding a way to call the Batman, maybe I'll even date him then what would you all do?" I muttered under my breath. The sun was still up so it wasn't too bad on the streets, apart from some odd looks. I picked up two pepperoni pizzas from Sal's Pizza just down the street from me. He bagged a couple of two liters of Dr. Pepper for me for the road. I didn't want to think what my socks looked like once I got back to my door. I kicked it for awhile before loudly calling out. "Pizza delivery!"

My apartment was silent and I rested my head against the door. I didn't have a spare key and there was no way in hell I was going to my landlord to let me in. He scared me more then all three of them did. After awhile I sat down and leaned against my door. The pizzas and soda sitting by my side. Just as I was entertaining the thought of traveling the rail lines as a hobo the door flung open and I fell back between a pair of legs. Looking up I sighed in relief. Saved by the Crane.

"Oh thank god you weren't the Joker." Before I could stand I was pulled up into his arms and carried to the couch. He sat down and pinned me to his lap. He somehow kept his hair looking perfectly in place during the apparent fight with Edward. Joker grabbed the pizzas and soda before kicking the door closed. He had raided my closet again and was now wearing my red fuzzy robe. The food and drink was dropped onto my coffee table and I tried to squirm off Crane's lap.

"Better stop moving or you'll be going to bed early." Crane's grip tightened and he shifted in his seat. Joker plopped down next to us and pulled my feet into his lap, stripping the socks off my feet. I tucked my head under Jonathan's chin and sighed knowing I wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon. He began softly rubbing my back with one of his hands. Not to be left out Joker began rubbing my feet as if it were a contest. _What went on while I was out? _

"Where's Edward?" I knew the pizzas were getting cold but I didn't want to move, Crane's hands had almost lulled me to sleep.

"Oh he's in the tub, should be done soon though. You should wear more skirts, pants are no fun." Joker was rubbing higher onto my calf this time. I closed my eyes for what I thought was a moment but when I opened them I was laying against Crane on the couch, the afghan pulled over us both. Something on the coffee table caught my eye and I saw a note scribbled onto the lid of the now empty pizza box.

'Went to get a new suit, maybe blow up something for ya. Be back soon. ~J'

_Oh this is going to be good. Maybe he'll finally stop wearing my robes and prancing around naked._ My apartment was silent so at least no one was breaking or messing anything up. I went back to sleep listening to the steady beat of Jonathan's heart.


	12. I'm going to need a bigger bed

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but plushies. Lyrics for this chapter are from E-Rotic again titled "Willy Use a Billy…Boy." Enjoy.**

Warning: This chapter is entitled for a mature audience. If you can't keep it in your pants please vacate this transcript.

_Thoughts_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 12: I need a bigger bed

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Friday 7 AM

I don't remember my pillow tasting this good before. I usually nibbled on my pillow in my sleep but it never tasted like this before. I languidly ran my tongue over it again and again. Slowly my eyes opened and I froze. I had been using my tongue to play with Cranes nipple for who knows how long. I could see a long line of wetness dripping down his side to the couch below.

I inched my face up and saw him panting for breath. His eyes were dark and possessive. I was pretty sure that I wasn't lying on the remote anymore and before he could move I rolled off the couch and attempted to run to my room. I managed three steps before he tackled me to the ground and pinned me down on my back. He was practically foaming at the mouth as he just stared down at me, his breath coming in big gasps.

His lips crashed onto mine and he roughly held me against him. One hand grabbed my leg and wrapped it around his waist as he painfully ground against me through my pants. His tongue forced its way into my mouth and battled with mine. I couldn't catch my breath and he ripped my shirt in half his nails leaving burning scratches in their wake. His hands felt so warm against my skin that they seemed to burn their imprints into my flesh.

_Oh Willy Willy use a Billy  
Don't be silly  
Oh baby, sex is joy  
But use a Billy Boy  
Oh Willy use a Billy  
Skilly Willy  
A Billy for your thrilly toy  
Oh use a Billy Boy_

He ground against me over and over again, his lips trailing down my chin to my chest. He bit the side of my neck and sucked hard leaving a mark behind. His hands were all over my chest pulling me free of my bra and massaging my breasts. One of his hands slipped to painfully grab my ass as his mouth found my nipple and he began nibbling and sucking hard. My breath came out in ragged gasping moans and I arched against his face. My fingers dug roughly into his hair as I held him against me.

_Rap: So you want sex sex sex  
With your ex  
And it won't cost you any tax  
But Willy you better care for sure  
And use a Billy  
With your long ding dong  
Ding a dong  
She'll find our you're the number one  
So go man go and use your toy  
But not without a Billy Boy_

His mouth was all over my chest biting and tonguing me until my thoughts stopped making sense. My pants were damp as he continued to grind against me as if he were trying to break the fabric by sheer will alone. I wrapped my other leg around his waist and started moving my hips up to meet his. His lips were back on mine and his chest crushed against my own. The stitches in his skin seemed to make me even hotter and I was panting for more. He lifted me off the ground enough to slide what was left of my shirt and bra off my body. I raked my nails down his back and he moaned into my mouth. His erection was getting me so hot that I thought I would catch fire and burn right down through my floor.

_Oh Willy  
I want a sweet vanilly Billy Boy  
Rap: So move your hip hop hips  
Kiss her lips  
Just let me give you some good tips  
It's not enough makin' love to her  
You need a Billy  
When you come oh come  
Have your fun  
'cause she's so hip, and she's no nun  
So Willy don't make her feel annoyed  
When you forgot your Billy Boy  
Oh Willy Willy use a Billy_

I reached down between us to start working on undoing his pants as his tongue was battling mine again. I popped the button right off and raked my fingers down the zipper. I ripped them open and before I could slide my hand down into them he was roughly pulled off of me and thrown across the room. I almost let out a whine as the warmth of his body was wrenched from mine.

"Stay off my woman's tits bird brain!" Edward was wearing nothing but a pair of green boxers. He dropped a damp towel over my breasts and stormed across the floor practically blowing steam from his ears. "Can't a man take a bath without worrying about his bride being deflowered by some maniac?" He was screaming.

"**Back off riddles. This time we're out for blood.**" Crow pulled himself up from the floor and stood the best he could. He was heavily aroused and he seemed sluggish. His erection was throbbing through his boxers just hanging out the front of his pants. I could see the black fabric straining against him.

"Oh what's wrong? All the blood gone to your head?" Edward's hair was wet and beads of water were sliding down his body as he moved. He seemed to lunge at Crow in slow motion and before I knew it they were both on the floor punching and writhing for supremacy. Edward began ripping the stitches right out of his skin and took a punch to the jaw. He staggered back and took a swift kick to the gut. Spitting out blood he aimed for Crow's feet and jumped back at him.

"**Riddles I'm gonna leave you in pieces!**" Crow was punching and clawing his way on top of Edward and began slamming his head into the floor over and over again. He only stopped when Edward landed a hard punch right to his groin. His face went pale and he fell to the side groaning and holding his injured pride in his cupped hands. He gasped for breath and I thought he had passed out. His lips had turned faintly blue and I heard him whine and shake.

"I win bird boy." Edward was at my side in an instant and pulling me towards the bathroom. He threw me into the tub pants and all before locking the door and climbing in behind me. "Teach him to molest my baby."

"Edward what are you doing?" I tried to get out of the bath but he pulled me back down and grabbed my hair roughly.

"Don't move baby I'll have you right as rain soon enough. Now look at what that monster did." His lips were on the mark Jonathan left on my neck. He slowly kissed and suckled on it until one of his hands came out of the water with a washcloth. "He got you so dirty." His voice was like a purr and he began slowly scrubbing my sensitive flesh with the rough cloth. My legs turned to jelly as his other hand cupped me through my wet pants.

"Edward…" I needed to get out of this tub, didn't I? I should be in this tub with Jonathan or Crow. The lilac scented water was lulling me into a false sense of security.

"Shhh baby. Daddy will make it all better." His voice was soft and his lips grazed my ear like velvet.

He slowly stroked me through my pants and continued to scrub my chest with the washcloth. He bit down softly on the marked flesh of my neck and I groaned. His fingers slipped into my pants and I nearly jumped out of my flesh. He expertly stroked me and I was soon leaning back against him panting. One of my legs was hanging out of the bath dripping water everywhere and I didn't care. I arched my back against him as he dropped the washcloth and began using his hands on my hot flesh. He was squeezing my breast and biting down with his teeth on my neck. I was grinding against his hand and he was tugging and caressing my exposed flesh with a sense of urgency. I was so close when the door to my bathroom was kicked open and I was painfully dragged from the water kicking and screaming.

"Oh god no not yet." I was almost in pain from the need and was thrown into my bed alone. I could hear yelling and a choking sound as I assumed Edward was being drowned in the tub. I was writhing so bad I almost crawled out of my clothes. I got my pants halfway off and was attempting to finish myself off with a shaky hand.

"Oh you've been a bad, bad girl. Letting all those other men touch you like that." I looked up to see Joker standing in my doorway. He was dressed in a nicely tailored purple suit and his makeup was running off his face from the bathwater. He slipped his jacket off and gently laid it on the end of the bed. He unbuttoned his vest and pulled it off as well. He was dressed to kill in a purple dress shirt and green tie.

"Why can't anyone just get me off." I moaned into the bed. I was on my stomach, topless and halfway out of my pants. If girls could get blue balls I was sure that's what I was going through at that moment.

"Oh now Mrs. J don't you worry. Didn't I say I was ribbed for your pleasure?" He lifted an eyebrow and slid my legs off the bed. My wet pants were fully off and hitting the floor before I could squeak out a protest. He was on his knees and I was panting heavily as he gave me his sexiest smirk. "Now remember to scream extra loud for the rest of the boys and girls."

I arched off the bed when his mouth touched my needy flesh. His scars and teeth were driving me over the edge. His tongue made me incapable of coherent words. He was eating me up and I was loving every moment of it. I fisted my hands into my sheets when I came, nearly flying off the bed. My room was soon filled with my screams and slurping noises. Just before my body gave out from everything it had been through he stopped. I couldn't move if I wanted to. He leaned over my body and slid a hand up to cup my breasts in his hands. The sweat making his hands glide effortlessly up my body.

"Oh now Mrs. J you've gone and messed up the bed. Next time we play I'll make sure you won't be able to walk let alone into any other mans arms." He crawled on top of me for a moment before he nipped at my chin with a growl. As fast as he had arrived he was up and grabbing his vest and suit before looking me over once again. "Oh I'll fight for that." He walked out shutting the door softly behind him. "Stay in that position I'll be back soon." I could hear him singing to himself before my apartment door opened and closed.

He just pulled the very definition of an eat and run. I pulled myself over to the far edge of the bed and draped one of my sheets over my body. I wanted to check on Jonathan and Edward but I was spent. My legs were no longer responding to me and my vision was swimming. I clutched a pillow to my chest to try and calm my racing heart. Before I passed out one thought danced across my head. _I'm really gonna need a bigger bed._


	13. It was all just a dream

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Just when you think the men have pulled the moves over on Victoria I go and dash your hopes. Last chapter's steamy romance was the concoction of chugging two bottles of wine in the tub. Yep, it was all a sexy dream. Wanted her to have some fun but not let the guys get their hands on anything. Burn me, cuss me out or just give me a slap on the back for creating the perfect wet dream. Enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 13: It was all just a dream.

* * *

Friday 7:01 AM

My blankets were warm but damp as I snuggled into them before jumping up and choking. I was in the tub. I still had all my clothes on from last night. My face was red as I pulled two empty bottles of wine from the bathwater. The events of last night had begun to flash behind my eyes. Edward and Crane had been fighting but it wasn't in a sexy half naked rage. Neither of them wanted to leave me alone with the other. They both agreed to leave the apartment together and I was left alone. The stress from the last few days had been too much and I grabbed the two bottles of wine from my fridge. After half chugging one I decided that I needed to be clean. I had started a bath but slipped in from my tipsy state. I didn't bother to get out and just sat there drinking wine and soaking in my clothes.

"Well that does explain the song about condoms playing in the background." I sighed and pulled the plug from the tub. I stripped out of my wet clothes and slipped a clean towel around my body. I set the empty glass bottles on the counter top and brushed my teeth. After relieving myself I unlocked the door and padded out to my apartment. "Anybody home?" I was met with silence and wondered what trouble the guys had gotten into. Maybe I had even gotten lucky and they were all back in Arkham thanks to Batman. I dried off and dressed in another pair of Capri pants and a t-shirt. I slipped some black and red toe socks onto my feet. Might as well clean while everyone was away.

Friday 11:27 AM

My apartment was spotless. I had scrubbed and buffed the floors to an amazing shine and wiped down all the walls. My windows were streak free and the blinds dusted. My bathroom smelled like Pine-Sol. There was no traces of any paint or destruction left behind. I gathered up my laundry and sorted them in a big pile on the floor. I would only have three loads to do so that wouldn't be too bad. The laundry room is a very scary place to be alone. I bagged the clothes and shoved my keys into my pocket along with a roll of quarters.

_What if the guys come back while you're gone? Better leave them a note._ I folded a piece of paper in half and set it up on the coffee table. 'Gone to do laundry don't break anything or mess it up!'

"Good enough." I lugged the bags out my door and headed down to the basement. The entire laundry room was empty so I used all three machines at once. The soap dispenser tends to stick so I spent a good two minutes kicking it until it dropped a packet of Tide. I jumped up onto one of the washers after the clothes were all started and spaced off into la la land. I imagined that I was riding a little train that was just chugging on down the tracks. Suddenly three loud beeping noises pulled me from my happy place. I moved all the clothes to the driers and used my last quarters to get them going. I jumped back up onto a washing machine and rested my head in my hand. The thumping of the driers had me zoning out once again.

Friday 3:47 PM

"Okay if they're not back in ten minutes I'm gonna assume the Batman got them." I was making brownies and folding clothes in between batches. The smell of molten chocolate permeated my apartment. I clicked on the T.V and flicked around the channels looking for any news coverage on the missing men. Nothing but the Batman rounding up Victor Zsasz. Apparently he saved thirteen people. Good for him. I clicked the T.V off and paced around my house looking for something to clean. A loud banging on my door wrenched me from under the sink. I had been scrubbing the fittings with a toothbrush. I looked out the peephole and groaned. I flung open the door and tried not to flinch.

"Good evening Victoria." My landlord was standing before me in all his trashy glory.

"Good evening Mr. Ratsblat." I moved to the side as he pushed his way into my apartment.

"Oh smells nice in here having company?" He started wandering around my apartment checking every corner that he found.

"Nope still just me here? What are you looking for?" I hated him touching my things.

"You're neighbors complained about seeing men coming in and out of your apartment over the last few days. Lots of noise coming from here too. Care to explain?"

"They were hookers, male hookers." I blurted the first thing that came into my head and I winced at how that was all I could come up with.

"Three male hookers?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yea, sorry I was being so loud you know how a young girl gets when she's all on her own. Total nympho in here." I wanted him to leave but he just strutted over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Oh well if that's all. Next time instead of hiring some hookers just come down to 2A and I'll fix you right up." He licked his lips showing his green teeth and let himself out of my apartment. I locked the doors behind him and ripped my shirt off. He had left a big greasy sweat stain on my shoulder and I gagged. I slammed my shirt into my hamper before scrubbing my shoulder until it almost bled. I then re-cleaned my entire apartment to get his smell out.

Friday 10:57 PM

I went a little overboard with the cleaning. I was sitting on the floor with my mop leaning against my shoulder. I was panting from exhaustion and my brownies had cooled. There was still no sign of any of the guys and nothing was on the news about them either. It seemed that the guys weren't coming back after all so I decided to wax my floors.

I had a thing about only doing them in a bra and thong while wearing high heels. I made sure all my windows were locked and the shades were drawn. I pulled a pair of blue pumps from the back of my closet and strapped them on around my ankles. I was wearing a green lacy bra and black thong. I felt sexy. I headed for my closet and pulled my waxing mop out. I grabbed the bottle of no wipe wax and squirted some onto the floor. I began the rhythmic scrubbing to make my wooden floors shine. My heels clicked across the wood as I moved foot by foot across my apartment.

Saturday 1:23 AM

I finished waxing the floor and smiled at my handiwork. I put the waxing mop and bottle back in their proper places before walking back into my living room. I folded the afghan into a nice compact square and draped it over the top of the couch. My apartment felt empty so I did the next best thing I could think of, other then cleaning, to help keep my mind off things. I started baking. I pulled three small loaf pans out of my cabinets and began making the dough by hand. Pretty soon I was covered in white flower and had the dough in the fridge to set for the next few hours. They still weren't home. I needed something to do to waste an hour.

I turned the T.V back on and flipped to the all music channel. They never played videos just kept a light blue background with the titles and artists flashing in the background. I didn't care too much for 'White lightning by the slinky dogs' but the next song coming up always made me dance. 'Wild thing by Tone-Loc' had a beat that I just couldn't ignore. I didn't care that I was covered with flower and began to dance. I was throwing my hips out there and grinding against an imaginary pole. I slid my hands down my body as I gyrated to the music. I ran my hands through my unbound hair. I continued to dance as if I were a seductress, my hands sliding over every inch of my exposed body. I wiggled my hips while holding my hands in my hair, the perfect image of a tempting siren. I turned around to keep dancing and froze.

I had never heard the door open. I felt like a piece of meat being eyed by ravenous dogs. Edward had his jaw almost on the floor. He had long since dropped the bags he'd been carrying. Jonathan was shaking behind the large box he had in his hands. Joker was licking his lips holding the other two back.

"Honey we're home." I was frozen to the spot. I couldn't run in heels let alone on a freshly waxed floor.

"You guys are home early." My voice was shaking.

"Oh what a nice surprise though, you can help break in the new bed we splurged on. Its inflatable." Joker licked his scars and tapped his fingers on both Edward and Jonathan's shoulders.

"Sorry I can't because…well." I bolted to my room and slammed the door behind me. I ripped off the heels and slipped into a sturdy pair of jeans and a baggy shirt. I peeked out my door and they had left their bags in the middle of the floor. I didn't see them anywhere so I crept out of my room. They weren't in the doorway or in the living room.

"Oh god these are almost as good as she looks." Edward's voice rang out from the kitchen. Each man had a tray of brownies and were inhaling them. They didn't bother cutting them into little squares and were just pulling the chocolaty goodness out handful by handful.

"I'm glad you'd rather ravage the brownies." They were all covered in chocolate. Edward had his entire chin colored brown with chocolate. He had been clutching a handful of it and paused before shoving it into his mouth. Jonathan was the cleanest with only a bit of chocolate smudged on the corners of his mouth. Joker never pulled his face from the brownie tin and was eating it like a dog.

"I just cleaned this place twice, you spill you better clean it up." I tried to look mean but ended up slowly backing up out of the kitchen when they just went back to inhaling the brownies. It was like they had lost all table manners.

I walked around the bags in the living room and inspected the box that held the new airbed. It was a queen sized and I wondered who was gonna double up on it. I sure as hell wasn't. And I hoped they didn't think that someone was bunking with me. I heard three tins hit the sink and all the men walked out licking their fingers clean of chocolate. They looked like a bunch of messy children who couldn't get enough.

"Did you guys happen to save any of those brownies for me?" That got their attention. Edward and Jonathan shared a guilty glance and Joker just shrugged.

"Shoulda said something doll. All that's left is what I'm wearing. Be more then happy to share that." He had somehow gotten brownie in his hair yet his suit was almost perfectly clean. He strutted past me to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. He began singing as I heard water running in the background.

"Shoulda said something V. We haven't had sweets like that in a very long time." Edward was pouting and wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

"Edward clean up in the kitchen. I just waxed this floor and if you dirty it then I swear you'll be waxing it next time." I pointed back to the kitchen and he slinked off like a dejected puppy.

"And where will I clean up V?" Jonathan only had chocolate around his mouth, he had sucked his fingers clean.

"You're actually pretty much clean you should be okay."

"But I feel oh so dirty." He walked over and wrapped his arms around me.

"Fine I'll help you get clean close your eyes." He squeezed his eyes shut quickly. I pulled his head to mine and softly licked the chocolate from his mouth. He groaned and ground his lips to mine. He tasted like chocolate and sin. I pulled away before it got too heated.

"Aww V don't stop." His blue eyes were pleading with me.

"Sorry Jonathan, but its past my bedtime. If you wanted more you should have gotten home earlier." I motioned to the inflatable bed. "Just snuggle up to your bed buddy." I slipped back into my room and slid the dresser back into place with a big smile on my face.


	14. Interview with the Batman

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned it but I don't. **

I've put a poll up on my profile to see who thinks Victoria should get 'friendly' with first. Feel free to stop by and vote. I'll keep it up for a few days, highest bidder wins.

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 14: Interview with the Batman.

* * *

Saturday 11 AM

I awoke to the sound of snoring coming from the living room. I slid my dresser, as quietly as I could, away from my door. Creeping into the living room, I saw that the guys had inflated the air bed and put some nice green sheets on it. Joker was sleeping on my couch again wrapped up in my afghan once again. I'm pretty sure he was naked under that afghan and I silently prayed to my grandma for forgiveness. Crane and Edward were back to back on the air bed. Edward was drooling onto his pillow slightly and Crane was holding himself as he slept. I shook my head and slinked back to my room to slip some 'going out' clothes on.

I laced up my tennis shoes and made sure my gray Capri pants were zipped up. I had a green sweat shirt on over top a blue t-shirt. I slipped some cash into my pocket and went to survey the kitchen. My cupboards were empty, as was my fridge. I hung my head and tip toed to my door making sure none of the men awoke. _I'll be back before they even know I'm gone._ I grabbed my extra key from the hook by my door and slunk out. I booked it to my local Wal-Mart and sighed hoping I could feed four people on my salary.

"Ok now what do men actually eat?" I pushed a cart down each isle throwing random things into it. By the end of the shopping trip I was lugging around two full carts and had to almost stomp out an old lady who tried to take a box of brownie mix from me. _Old people are scary_.

Saturday 2 PM

The guys hadn't even stirred even after I lugged all the bags upstairs and unloaded them. I felt like chucking a can of Pringles at Jokers head but restrained myself. If they were going to sleep all day I was going jogging. I slipped into a pair of sweat pants and a light pink t-shirt. I slid my extra key into my bra and once again snuck out of the apartment. _I'll only go a few blocks, they'll never notice._ I began running my usual circuit hoping that I wouldn't run into any trouble.

~20 minutes later~

"Oh god, oh god, my life must be cursed." I was panting and running at full speed. I could hear the dogs barking behind me like some kind of rabid demonic doggy things. I had barely made it a block when a van stopped in the middle of the street and dumped two very vicious looking Dobermans. They totally ignored the four little old ladies I was walking with and came straight for me. I started running down alleys and jumping over fences and angry homeless people. I knocked over one of those crazy doom sayers hoping the dogs would slow down, nope no such luck.

_Just keep running, and running, and running._ My mind was chanting that like some demented scene from 'Finding Nemo'. I was almost totally lost by now and the dogs hadn't even slowed down an iota. I was drenched in sweat and I was sure I had been running so hard the soles of my shoes were gone. My side was burning as I jumped over yet another fence, the dogs bounding over it like they were friggin superman hybrids, and fell onto a broken bottle. Ignoring the wet gush of blood down my leg I pulled the glass out as I ran and prayed for a miracle.

"Where the fuck is Batman when you need him?" I had practically screamed it out of frustration. I was about to become some kind of chew toy for the dogs. I could feel their hot breath on the backs of my legs and started crying. Before I could be ripped apart by the mawing jaws of oblivion I felt a whoosh of air behind me and both dogs yelped. I stopped running and turned back to see what had happened.

Both dogs were on the ground un-moving and none other then the Batman himself was turned to face me. My breath was coming out in pained gasps and I hoped he didn't know about my house guests.

"Call and you shall receive." His voice was raspy and he stood a good foot taller then I was. His dark brown eyes seemed to scan me before he began walking towards me like it was nothing.

"Thanks for saving me Batman." I tried to sound like a damsel in distress, which I had been, and he stopped to inspect my bleeding knee.

"You're wounded. Let me help." Before I could utter another word he had picked me up and shot his grappling hook into one of the nearby buildings. I screamed into his chest as we were rocketed into the sky. I hated heights and hoped that I would never have to travel by rooftop again. Next thing I knew I was set into a padded seat and he jumped in next to me. We were in his armored car and he drove off like it wasn't kidnapping or anything.

"Where are we going?" I couldn't see outside and was becoming very claustrophobic. There were so many buttons flashing and switches that my hands were itching to see what they all did. Despite the vicious look of the car it was actually a very smooth ride, it hardly seemed to be moving at all. I would have thought that we were standing still if not for the sounds of crunching metal and squealing tires outside.

"I'm going to take you someplace safe to get patched up. I have a friend who will take you in for the night." His raspy voice was making me wish I had a cough drop to hand to him. How were criminals so afraid of it? Batman sounded like he had a perpetual cold.

"Alrighty then." I looked away from him and nervously tapped my foot. The guys were going to be so pissed when I got home, if I still had a home to go back to. I jerked forward a bit as we came to a stop and the top opened up for us to exit. Batman picked me up as if I couldn't walk and did some more of the grappling/roof diving that I was _so _fond of. I was pretty sure he was getting annoyed with me yelling 'oh god don't drop me' every few moments. All too soon he had brought me to a penthouse on the top floor of one of the largest buildings in Gotham. He slipped in through a window and carried me to the living room, dumping me on the couch as gracefully as he could.

"Wait here. I'll let him know to be expecting you. The city needs me." With that he was gone leaving me in a very spacious room with a couch that I would probably kill to sleep on. I jumped when the lights came on and an elderly gentleman walked over carrying a tray with tea and sandwiches on it.

"Evening miss. Master Wayne will be home shortly, he called to say that Batman had dropped off a dashing young lady who could use some help. My name is Alfred by the way." He smiled and made me feel comfortable. He helped patch up my wounds and left to find me a change of clothes to slip into.

"Alfred, I heard that we were having a house guest." None other then the rich playboy Bruce Wayne walked into the apartment. He had a leather jacket draped over his shoulder and he looked almost too good to be true. "Oh he dropped off a cute one this time." He smiled and walked over to me. "Bruce Wayne." He shook my hand and smiled in a way that almost made me melt.

"I'm Victoria, Victoria Flowers." I had never used my last name before; I cursed myself at letting that slip. He smiled even bigger and led me to one of the rooms on the side of his enormous pent house.

"Nice to meet you Victoria. Feel free to shower and freshen up, I'll have Alfred bring you some new clothes." He sauntered off calling for Alfred giving me a view of his jean clad tight ass as he left. I closed the bathroom door behind me and locked it, resting my head against the cool wood.

_Don't think about it, you've already got three smoking hot men back at your apartment waiting for you._ I stripped out of my sweaty, bloody clothes and started the giant shower. It was a divine feeling as the four shower heads sprayed me clean and I was sure to have used all the hot water. I slipped out and wrapped a giant white fluffy towel around my body. A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts, I opened it a crack and Alfred's smiling face.

"I think these are about your size miss. If you need anything else don't hesitate to let me know." He handed me a pile of clothes and left. I shut the door again and went through the clothes handed to me. A pair of black sweat pants, a black t-shirt with yellow stripes up the sides, black thong and bra. My eye twitched as I saw that everything was in my size. _How the hell can everyone figure out my size? Did the batman feel me up or something?_ I changed into the clothes and picked up my wet towel and dirty clothes. I stepped out of the bathroom and padded barefoot across the lush carpeting.

"Um Alfred?" He appeared from behind a corner making me jump.

"Yes miss can I get you anything." He took the towel from my hands and my dirty clothes. "Don't worry I'll take care of these, Master Wayne is in the living room waiting for you."

"Thank you Alfred." I took a breath to calm my nerves and headed into the giant living room and to the fluffy couch once again. I sat on the far end hoping to keep my distance, but Bruce just slid down until he was sitting next to me anyways.

"So Batman tells me that you have a hit placed on you probably from one of the mob bosses." He laid his arm over the back of the couch inching closer to me.

"Is that why they sent dogs after me? I honestly don't know who I could have ticked off." Why was he getting so close?

"Don't worry though; Batman usually swings by here so it's pretty much the safest place to be in the city." He gave me a devilishly charming smile.

"I really am thankful to both Batman and you but I'd really like to go home. I've been through a lot today." I tried to give him a pleading gaze but he just ignored it and wrapped his arm around me.

"I'll have Alfred drop you off tomorrow, tonight we'll have dinner and you can tell me all about your brush with Batman." I was sure he was smelling my hair when Alfred came around the corner to save me.

"Master Bruce, you have a phone call. I believe its Mr. Fox from your office."

"Oh thank you Alfred." He slid away from me and stood up. "This might take a bit so just relax and I'll be back soon." He strutted out of the room and walked away with Alfred. I thought it might look suspicious if I snuck out and looked around as I waited for his return. The only thing I had to even attempt to save myself was my house key and I didn't want to break it. I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew I woke up cuddled against Bruce on the couch. He had his arm around me and the other was holding a cup of coffee.

"Oh sorry Bruce you could have just pushed me off." I quickly sat up and tried to pull out of his embrace.

"Oh I didn't mind it." He flashed another cheeky grin before taking a sip of his coffee. This man must be used to having women swoon at his feet.

"Dinner is ready Master Bruce. I've set up a simple dining plan for the lady." Alfred was gone just as quickly as he appeared. Bruce set his coffee down and without asking just picked me up and carried me bridal style to the dining area.

"I hope you don't mind, I had Alfred pick out something from my wine collection." He set me down on a plush dining chair and pushed me up against the table. The room was dim, only two white candles emitting light, and the table was filled with what looked like a thanksgiving dinner.

"This is a simple dinner?" I paled thinking about how much food was set before me. How much did this man eat just by himself?

"Maybe I had Alfred spice it up a little." He smirked and poured some wine into my glass before filling his own. "I hope you like it; I tried to pick something mild."

"Thank you." I was nervous but he surprisingly ate in silence only glancing over to see if my glass needed refilling. All too soon the dinner was over and we were back in the living room.

"So tell me a little about yourself." I was once again wrapped in Bruce's arm and wanting to pull away. Every time I tried he would just pull me closer.

"Well I was a housekeeper at Arkham Asylum before everything went crazy. I'm sure my job will still be there once it's back in operation."

"You work at Arkham?" He lifted an eyebrow. "You must really enjoy danger. I hear that only a handful of women will even work there."

"Yep and I was one of them." I wanted to go home and get away from his sexy brown eyes.

"So how did you get away once the Joker set everyone free?" His face was inches from my own. _How did I not see him get this close?_

"I'm a good runner." I replied dryly as he lifted my chin with his free hand.

"I'm glad for that. From what I hear if you weren't you wouldn't be here right now." Damn him for looking so sincere. I would feel a lot safer strutting around naked in front of the Joker right now.

"Yea thanks to Batman I managed to survive." Right after muttering that phrase Bruce leapt on me and began kissing me slowly. I froze and he tried to pull me under him. I did the only thing I could think off and bit his lip as hard as I could. He pulled back shocked holding his bleeding lip.

"Either you like it rough or I've had too much to drink." He must have decided on the first option and pounced back on me.

"Master Bruce you have a phone call." Saved by the Alfred.

"Send it to my voice mail." He had his hands up my shirt and I was about to kick him where he wouldn't like it.

"Sir this call you don't want to miss." Alfred coughed politely and pointed out the window. In an instant Bruce was gone and I took a shaky breath.

"Anywhere I can hide from him Alfred?" I sat up and peeked over the couch at him.

"Of course miss. Please follow me." He led me to a room off the side and handed me a key. "Only key to this room miss, I'll tell Master Bruce that you have a headache."

"Thank you Alfred. I'll see you in the morning."

"Of course miss. Would you like breakfast or just an early cab?"

"Cab please, the earlier the better." He nodded and walked off. I locked the door and curled up in the bed. Silk sheets, he really likes to throw around his money. I wanted to stay up and make sure that Bruce didn't try to sneak into the bed with me but instead I passed out in under five minutes.

"Morning Miss your cab is here." Alfred's voice woke me up and I jumped out of bed and opened the door.

"Thank you Alfred." I handed him the key to the room and he led me to the elevator.

"Don't worry about payment miss its been taken care of." He gave me a friendly smile before the doors closed and I sighed in relief. I briefly wondered where my other clothes were but jumped in the cab and had him speed off anyways.

Sunday 7 AM

I was expecting my apartment to be empty when I opened the door. Instead all three men were sitting on the airbed glaring at me. I meekly shut the door behind me and went to limp away.

"You're not going anywhere until you start explaining, now." Joker looked livid and I swear his eyes were burning holes in me.

"Yes we've been up all night waiting for you." Edward's voice was cold even though he was pouting.

"**We were about to burn the city down looking for you.**" Scarecrows voice sent shivers down my spine.

"Someone sent attack dogs after me while I was out on a run. I got hurt but was saved by the Batman. I was then kidnapped by said Batman, driven all over town, tossed about while he swung from some buildings and then patched up by Bruce Wayne's butler. I never wanna see that man again." I kept my head low hoping that they would drop it.

"Who the butler or the Batman?" Edward asked.

"Bruce Wayne, the guy is a frigging pig." I had been absently hugging myself and rubbing my arms. All three men were silent and I peeked over to see that Joker was gone, Edward was red in the face and Jonathan was already up and storming over to me. I was expecting him to shake me and yell angry things but instead he just held me and rested his chin on my head.

"**Scarecrow's got you now baby. He'll make everything okay.**" He mumbled into my hair as his arms rubbed my back softly.

"Hey what about me?" Edward was up in a flash and grabbed me from behind. I could feel both men giving each other a stare down but I was warm and toasty.

"Okay nobody move, it's so warm." I mumbled against Jonathan's chest. I just stood there in a Scarecrow and Riddler sandwich and felt safer then I ever did with the Batman.


	15. I will not date the Batman

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 15: I will not date the Batman

* * *

Sunday 2 PM

I don't remember falling asleep between Jonathan and Edward. I woke up on the airbed and both of them were gone. My clothing had been changed and I was now wearing a green t-shirt and blue Capri pants. My shirt had a big black question mark on it and the pants had little scarecrows doodled on them. It seemed that they couldn't agree who should dress me. The other clothes were probably burned by now. I got up and made sure that the boys were gone before raiding the fridge for some ice cream. Totally not sharing it.

I plopped down on my couch and was just about to take a big bite of the mint chocolaty goodness when I heard rustling of cloth and felt a breeze. I looked over and found one of my windows open. My good mood was about to be shot to hell I just knew it.

"I'm glad you made it home safe." A raspy voice came from behind me. I jumped up and spun around throwing my spoon of ice cream at the Batman.

"You scared the hell out of me!" I yelled at him and he just stared at the black and green goop of ice cream drip down the front of his outfit.

"This would be a first. I came to make sure that you were safe." He looked back up at me and seemed to study me for a moment.

"I'm fine now please leave I'm still upset about all the grappling you did last time you saved me." I really hoped none of the guys would come home. I did not want to explain this off. I would probably end up in jail or worse yet Arkham itself.

"Would you like to go to dinner?" He adjusted his utility belt and started to walk around my couch.

"No." Simple answer I thought it would make him leave. But noooo, it just made him ask again.

"I would like to help keep a closer tab on you until this mob hit is taken care of." He was too close.

"Sorry but I have plans for the next six or seven years." I backed up into my coffee table and nearly fell on my ass. I was clutching the tub of ice cream to my chest so hard I could feel it melting.

"I take it you have some house guests? This is a one bedroom flat so I don't think it would be a room mate." He pointed at the bed. I started freaking out.

"Ok I'll go to dinner with you. When should I meet you and where." I was sweating bullets and praying that no one came home.

"How about now?" He grabbed me and next thing I knew we were jumping out of my window and grappling from building to building. I was screaming and hoping he wouldn't drop me.

Sunday 7 PM

I walked back into my apartment feeling like hell. My clothes were disheveled from all the grappling and my throat was sore from screaming for him not to drop me. My hair was a mess and all in all I was in a very crappy mood. I slammed the door and limped towards the bathroom, I wanted to soak and poke at the wound on my leg. Before I could get more then three steps I was tackled from behind and tossed onto the air bed. I looked up to meet three sets of angry eyes yet again.

"And where the hell have you been?" Joker licked his lips, his tongue lingering on his scars.

"You scared us half to death." Edward was at my side in an instant trying to fix my hair.

"**We're about to chain you to the bed.**" Jonathan sat down next to me, Scarecrow dominant in his mind.

"I got kidnapped by the Batman again." Edward's hands froze in my hair and Jonathan grabbed my arm pulling me to face him.

"**Say that again.**" His voice was dripping venom.

"Batman broke in, kidnapped me and forced me to have dinner with him. Then to top it all off he decided that it would be romantic to grapple to the tallest building and try to make out with me." I was shaking and wanting to punch something. Pain shot through my jaw as a gloved hand grabbed my chin and spun my head to face the Jokers blazing eyes.

"Getting cozy with the Batman?" He was holding my jaw so tightly I could feel it bruise.

"None of you guys were here to save me. It's hard to say no when he just throws you over his shoulder and does whatever the hell he wants." I bit Jokers hand so hard he pulled it back and rubbed it.

"And how does the Batman know where you live?" Edward pulled my face towards his. His green eyes sparkling with an unearthly light.

"You're guess is as good as mine. Can we move please?" My voice was breaking and his eyes softened. I expected him to hold me but instead he just pushed me into Jonathan's arms and flung himself off the bed.

"No one kidnaps my baby twice under my watch." He was dressed in his question mark suit and carrying his cane in mere moments. "V baby daddy's going to kill the batman for you." He huffed and stormed out of my apartment muttering about bombs and torture.

"Well it seems a change of scenery is required." Joker was stroking his chin. "I guess I'll go make some arrangements. Crow watch Mrs. J for me. It'll give me something to stab if she's kidnapped by the Batman again." He practically spat as he walked over then jumped from my window.

I looked up at Jonathan from my position on his chest. "Are you gonna leave me alone too?" My voice was sad and I wanted to take that bath so desperately right now.

"**Now why would I go and do that? We've got the place to ourselves and I saw you limping. Show me where it hurts or I'll find it myself.**" He pushed me down onto the bed and trapped me with his gaze. He leaned down and his lips were inches from my own.

"I got cut yesterday, my left leg just above my knee." I wanted to lean up and kiss him but he slid down my body and roughly began pulling my pants off. I squeaked in protest but he grabbed my leg and began inspecting the stitched wound.

"**It's stitched well but you've broken it back open.**" He leaned down and ran his tongue over my wound. I jumped under him but he pinned me down and softly nipped at it before sliding up to face me. "**We'll just have to fix that up won't we?**" He picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. He set me on the counter and rummaged through my medicine cabinet. He found a pair of small scissors and began removing my stitches. When he finished he got on his knees and inspected the wound again.

"How bad does it look?" I was breathless and he kissed up my leg from foot to knee before stopping and pulling my small sewing kit from the drawer under the sink.

"It's fixable but you won't like it." Crane was back out and he nipped at my knee.

"Just fix me up doc. I really wanna take a bath after this." His eyes shot up to me and I saw an impish look to them.

"Oh I'll fix you up don't worry." He distracted me with a nip to my inner thigh and I never noticed that he'd threaded a needle until he stabbed it into my flesh to begin knitting it back together.

"Fuck Jonathan." I grabbed the counter top white knuckled with pain.

"Promises. Promises." He quickly finished and pulled back to make sure the thread would hold. "It's not my best work but it'll have to do."

I was dizzy from the white hot pain of the needle through my skin I nearly jumped out of my body when I was dumped into a hot tub. The water burned but didn't have any bath salts or soap in it. "I can bathe myself." I looked up at him but he had stripped down to his boxers.

"Don't tempt me V." He forced himself into the tub behind me, his legs sticking up on either side of my own. He didn't strip me down just pulled me back against him. "If anything happened to you this city would die. I don't think any of us would be able to stop while we were still living." He draped an arm across my chest and pulled me close.

"Jonathan?" My voice was quiet and I could feel his stitches through the back of my wet shirt.

"No words V. Scarecrow is going crazy and I just want to make sure nothing happens. We thought that the mob had you, its almost worse knowing that Batman did." He dug his fingers into my chest holding the fabric of the shirt tightly.

"How did he find me?" I wrapped my arm around his and held it tighter to my body.

"He's the Batman." No explanation needed.

"I was afraid he was going to find and hurt you all." I slid around until I could bury my face in his chest. "I threw ice cream at him. It was very ineffective I don't think I'd be able to stop him if he shows up again with you all here."

"Don't worry we'll all protect you from him." He was stroking my hair now.

"Promise?" I looked up into his icy blue eyes.

"We promise." This time our lips met and I held him close. His hands went to my ass and I pulled him closer. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and battled mine. We were kissing so wildly that water was splashing out of the tub and he had my shirt off in moments.

"Well isn't this just the picture I wanted to come home to see." Edward quickly lunged forward and pulled me out of the tub, and Jonathan's arms. I was in nothing but my wet bra and panties when he sat on the couch and pulled me onto his lap. "We should have some time now to plan our escape." His lips were on my ear nibbling softly. "Batman should be running all over the city trying to solve my riddles."

"**We're going to kill you Eddie. Never take our woman again.**" Scarecrow stormed out of the bathroom his wet boxers dripping onto the wood flooring. I was soon in a tug of war match with Crow and Edward. They each had one of my legs on their laps and were pulling me by my shoulders. I was being pulled one way and then the other like a piece of meat between two dogs.

"Oh my I think I'll take a seat in the middle." Joker waltzed in licking his lips and eyeing the scene before him. "Now don't break Mrs. J before I get a chance to jump in there."

"**Back off clown boy.**" Crow had won the tug match by punching Edward while he was distracted. I was pulled into his wet lap and I wrapped my arms around him, I would be so sore tomorrow.

"And once again the clown messes with my beautiful plan." Edward hissed.

"Oh shut up both of you. I've got us a place to stay and we should move quickly. Batman won't be distracted forever." He looked me up and down. "I should be the one to carry my beautiful bride over the threshold though, tradition I believe."

"There's no way in hell I will let you do that Joker." Edward was clutching his can in his hands and looking especially vicious.

"**She's ours. We carry her.**" Crow hissed smashing my face to his chest.

"Sorry boys but the man with the bomb gets it." He opened his coat to reveal several grenades fixed together. He held the string and tugged on it lightly. Edward paled and Crow loosened his grip. Apparently Joker won this time.

"Can I at least get dressed first?" I whined against Crow's chest.

"Oh you look just fine. We'll come back for your stuff later. Put some pants on bird boy lets get down to business." Joker pried me from Crow's grip and carried me bridal style out of my own apartment. I sent pleading looks to Edward and Jonathan but they just sat there white knuckle clutching the arms of my couch looking on with murderous eyes.

"You'd better not drop me." Joker smelled like gasoline and anarchy. I really hoped no one saw me being carted around by him. Especially in my state of dress.

Sunday 11:53 PM

"And this is our new humble abode." Joker carried me from the van we were riding in. I saw an abandoned warehouse looming in front of me. There were men wearing clown masks walking around the building holding guns and other various weapons. "I've got a better security system then the old place too." He kicked open the door to the warehouse and marched inside.

It was set up like a house. He pranced around the building showing me where everything was. There were only three bedrooms, three bathrooms, a kitchen, a living room and a room where he was setting up a place to 'work out'. It looked as if someone had been living there the fridge was stocked, the beds were made and there was a comfy couch sitting in front of a large screen TV in the living room.

"I've already got my room set up the boys can decorate theirs at will." He sat down on the couch and held me in his lap. A gloved hand started trailing up and down my wounded leg.

"And where am I going to sleep? There are only three rooms and three beds." I looked up at him wishing I was fully clothed. I felt like he had almost made up a plan and I didn't like where it was going.

"Why with me of course. Can't let my future wifey sleep around with the common rabble can I?" He licked his lips and grabbed my knee hard, almost busting the stitches in the process.

"Ah finally a room to call my own. I call middle!" Edward's voice rang out and I could hear him giggle with joy.

"**We want our baby now Joker. You blow her up and you will taste fear.**" Crow hissed as he walked past the couch to claim his own room.

"Sorry doll face don't get too comfy. Papa J needs to go keep the Batman off our trail." He dumped me off his lap and stood up adjusting his coat in the process. "I'll send some men to collect your things. Just try not to get too excited without me." He laughed and walked off leaving me red faced and with the extreme urge to punch his face paint right off.


	16. Sleeping Arrangements

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**So far the tally of the poll is:**

**Crane/Scarecrow: 3**

**Riddler: 1**

**Joker: 1**

No one gets any loving until it hits 10! Keep those votes coming in!

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 16: Sleeping arrangements

* * *

Monday 2 AM

I was exhausted but refused to fall asleep. I was sitting on the couch between Joker and Crane they were fighting to see where I would be sleeping. Joker made up a game in which whoever I fell asleep on could take me to bed. Edward was glaring from the far end of the couch. He was fiddling with his cane as if he were trying to gather up his nerve to do something.

"Hey Bird boy." As Crane turned to look Edward smashed his cane into his face knocking him out instantly. He then pushed me off the couch and shot what looked like pepper gas into Joker's face. He began laughing hysterically and writhing around on the floor.

"What was that?" I had pulled myself off to the side to get away.

"Crane's nightmare gas, maybe it was a bad batch though." He looked down at the writhing cackling Joker and shrugged. "Looks like I've won." He picked me up and carried me to his room.

"No funny business Edward." I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open.

"Oh I cross my heart honey drop. Daddy's keeping it all ready for when we finally tie the knot." He tossed me into his bed then bolted the door closed. Somehow in less then an hour he'd drawn no less then eleven question marks on his walls with green paint. I burrowed under his covers and rolled into what I like to call 'the cocoon of warmth' and peeked out at him.

"Good night Edward." My eyes were peeking out from between the sheets. He had stripped down to his boxers and was standing there staring at the bare side of the bed.

"Doesn't daddy get any covers?" He pouted.

"Don't mess with my heat." I growled and curled up into a ball.

Monday 5 AM

I could feel Edward shivering and I peeked out of my steaming hot cocoon of blankets. I felt sorry for him so I unrolled them and slipped them over his shaking body. He then promptly wrapped them all around himself leaving me in the cold unforgiving world. I try to help him out and he outright steals all my hard earned heat. I was pissed. I snuck out of bed and unlocked his door. He didn't stir. I crept out of his room and made sure no one was in the living room. I then limped to Jonathan's room and tried his door, locked. I tried tapping softly. _Common Jonathan I'm cold._ I rattled the knob but I heard no sounds inside.

"Jonathan?" I tried whispering softly and tapping against his door. "Common please still be awake." Nothing. If I had a credit card I could have popped the lock in under a minute and then I could dive into his warm covers and promptly steal all his heat.

"Cold?" Joker's voice whispered from behind me. I whipped around and came face to face with a nearly naked Joker. He was soaking wet and a towel hung dangerously low on his hips. He had washed all his makeup off and was licking his lips suggestively.

"Nope I'm fine." I kicked Jonathan's door out of desperation, hard. I heard a thump from behind the door as if someone had just fallen out of bed.

"Looks like Crane locked you out." He was leaning closer to me now; I could smell the soap off his skin.

"Now why would he do that?" I kicked the door again and backed up as far against it as I could.

"Time for bed Mrs. J. It's about time I give you a toss around it." He leaned forward as if to kiss me.

Just before Joker could kiss me Jonathan's door whipped open and I fell back inside. "Hurry lock the door!" I was trying to kick it closed and Joker gave me a hurt look.

"Aww now don't be like that Mrs." The door promptly slammed into his face. I grabbed onto one of Jonathan's legs and clung for dear life.

"You save me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh you're so warm." I was practically grinding my face against his leg.

"V? You might want to stop doing that if you want to sleep tonight. **Or walk tomorrow.**" I looked up at a very aroused, very injured Crow. I slid up his body and inched away.

"Sorry Jonathan." I looked at his injured face and saw that he'd removed his stitches sometime while I was sleeping. "You took them out yourself?"

"**Yes we took them out. Now get in bed before we throw your ass in there and take it.**" He looked exhausted and had dried blood on his lips and nose. I quickly jumped into his bed and proceeded to make myself another 'heat cocoon' with his blankets.

"Oh they're still warm." I snuggled up in them snuggling the fabric and Jonathan's scent.

"**Oh hell no. You'd better share.**" Crow jumped into the bed and started pulling the sheets off me.

"Nooo my heat!" I thrashed against his intrusion but had to submit when he began shaking me around like a doll. "You're no fun." I pouted and snuck under the blankets to use his chest as a pillow.

"**V go to sleep, you move again and I don't care if Crane bleeds out I will take you myself.**" I froze mid nuzzle and clung against him until I fell asleep.

Monday 11 AM

The bed was moving, that or I was falling. I hit something soft and it wheezed under me. I peeked out of the covers and saw Crane looking up at me.

"Any reason why you decided to throw us both out of the bed?" His hands crept to my ass and squeezed. "Any reason?"

"Is your door locked?" I lifted an eyebrow.

"No but it can be."

"Too late." I whispered seductively as I leaned over him. "You need to be taught a lesson Mr. Crane."

"Oh do I now?" His eyes became glazed over with lust but before he could pull me down to kiss me I began to tickle him. He cried out and started to thrash wildly under me.

"This is for shaking me around like a doll this morning." I tickled him until he was blue in the face. I then bolted from his room and slammed the door behind me, holding it shut with all my strength.

"**V I swear to all that is holy that when I get out of here you won't be able to walk for a fucking month!**" He was trying to wrench the door open and I almost was pulled back into the room until I was suddenly floating up off the ground and pulled back. My world suddenly flew by in a blur as I was rushed to a darkened room and the door slammed shut.

"Finally got the little missus all to myself." The light clicked on and I was lying on a purple bed. I heard a click and looked up to see Joker, still clad in last nights towel, braced against the door. A loud pounding came from the other side; he just smirked and blew me a kiss.

"I think I'd much rather take my chances with Crow right now." I slid back against the bed until I was up against the headboard. He gave a pout and strutted right over to the bed and began crawling up it like some kind of animal.

"Looks like you missed your chance. Now it's my turn to play." I did the only logical thing I could think of. I pointed to his closet and screamed.

"Oh my god it's Batman!" His head snapped around so fast I leapt from his bed and had the door unlocked and open in under five seconds. I launched myself out of his room and slammed the door shut behind me.

"The Batman's found us!" Edward burst from his room in nothing but his boxers and hat. He was swinging his cane around wildly almost hitting Jonathan in the process. He was looking around as if the Batman was hiding in every corner.

Jonathan was standing there with a very pissed look on his face. His lip had reopened and blood was dripping down his sculpted chest in slow small droplets. I took my chances and hid behind him anyways. Joker burst from the room completely red faced and foaming at the mouth.

"Fucking bad joke sweetheart." He lunged at Jonathan who just stepped out of the way. I screamed and took off running, or I would have if I hadn't run straight into Edward who had been swinging his cane around still freaking out about the Batman joke. The cane hit my head with a loud 'crack' and I fell into blackness. I never felt myself hit the ground or Edward begin screaming in terror as Scarecrow and Joker lunged at him and dragged him away from my prone form.

Thursday 8 AM

My head was killing me. I reached up to touch it and met with bandages and a sharp snap of pain down my spine. I pried my eyes open and found myself lying on Joker's purple bed. The room was empty and the door was wide open. I tried to sit up and found myself dressed rather oddly. I had a blue t-shirt on with a scarecrow doodled on the front, purple Capri pants, and green toe socks with question marks all over them. I staggered out of bed and wandered into Jokers bathroom to see what happened. My eye twitched when I saw that not only his sink but his shower were dyed green. He had painted a giant smiley face on his toilet seat and his mirror had doodles all over it. I took a moment to bottle down my anger and I stared at myself in the mirror.

"Oh dear lord I look dead." My hair was matted with blood and so messy it would take me a week to fix it. I was so pale that I was nearly glowing and my eyes had dark rings under them. I looked like the bride of Frankenstein. I closed my eyes and slowly backed out of the bathroom. I tried to remember what had happened last when an image of Edward looking scared out of his wits flashed into my mind. I zombie walked out of Jokers room and into Edwards. It was empty. I made my way down to Jonathan's, empty as well. I slowly walked all over the warehouse and didn't find hide nor hair of any of the men.

I stomped my foot in anger and heard a dull thud, an empty sound. I looked down at the carpet I was standing on. I pulled it back and found a small trap door, I opened it expected to see yawning darkness in front of me. Instead I saw a neat set of stairs lit all the way down. I followed them making sure I didn't fall, I pulled the door back shut behind me. I didn't hear the screaming until I was fully down the stairs. There was a door right in front of me and I could hear someone screaming and begging for mercy inside. I didn't recognize the voice crying out for help. I opened the door and saw a man rolling around on the floor screaming that he was covered in bees.

"I'm allergic to bees, oh god they're everywhere stinging me everywhere!" He rolled around and banged his head against the floor until it began bleeding.

"**That's not all you fear is it? What about those snakes you've just rolled into?**" I heard crows voice from the corner and turned my head. He was wearing a burlap mask and staring intently at the man on the floor as he now screamed about snakes shooting bees from their mouths.

"Crow?" My voice was soft but he still heard it and turned to face me. I stared into the burlap mask and he stared back for what seemed like hours. He pulled the mask from his face and I was once again looking into icy blue eyes. He looked like hell. He had rings darker then mine under his eyes, he hadn't shaved in days and his lips were dry and cut open. His hair was practically matted to his head and I'm sure he'd been wearing that shirt for days, it was soaked with sweat and clung to his body.

"V?" Crane was back in control and rushed to my side grabbing both of my arms as if I were about to run fleeing. One hand moved up to cup my chin and was shaking as he slid his thumb over my lips. "V there was so much blood, so much." His voice was soft and I almost didn't hear it over the screaming of the man from the floor.

"What happened?" I rubbed my hand over his cheek feeling the rough stubble scrape against my skin. I pulled him from the room and closed the door behind us.

"We all freaked out when you started yelling that Batman was here. Edward wasn't fully awake and nearly cracked your head open with his cane. Joker and I were going to beat him senseless until we saw how bad you were bleeding." He gently stroked a hand over my bandages. "Joker flipped out, more then he ever has before. He was gone by morning and last I heard he was calling out the Batman and Harvey Dent. Edward is still around somewhere but he's mostly been making some kind of trap to kill the Batman once and for all. We thought that if he was gone you would come back to us." He fell to his knees and buried his face in my chest. His breathing was heavy and he was holding me so close I hurt.

"You went back to being Scarecrow full time?" I eyed the burlap mask on the floor by his leg.

"V you were out a long time." He looked up at me almost in tears.

"What day is it?"

"Thursday."

"So I was out only a few days?" _He looks this bad from a few days without me?_

"V, you've been gone for over a month. We could rob only so many hospitals and blood banks before we got desperate."

"A month?" I fell to my knees in front of him as my world swam a bit.

"I'm sorry V." His voice was so soft and cracked a bit.

"Jonathan?" Where had the world gone to while I was unconscious?

"Yes V?" He looked afraid as if I were going to disappear at any moment.

"We need to find them before they kill themselves." I rested my forehead against his as he held me.


	17. Love and the Rabbid Riddler

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.**

Latest results from the poll:

Crane won in a landslide vote. He gets the first shot at V. If you want to skip the lemon I left warnings on where it starts and stops. Enjoy.

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 17: Rabid Riddler

* * *

Friday 7:01 AM

I was back to at least looking mostly myself. Jonathan made sure I had showered and was eating again. It took me a few hours to finally get the strength to force him into the shower and make him shave. He finally was starting to look more like himself again. I had a big bowl of oatmeal in front of me when he walked into the kitchen this morning.

"Morning." My voice was still a little rough.

"**Morning, woman.**" Crow was out and he looked exhausted.

"Been up all night Crow? Where did you put Jonathan?" I shoveled another bite of honeyed graininess into my mouth.

"**Jonathan is sleeping right now, I've got you all to myself. About damn time too.**" He poured himself a bowl of cheerio's and drowned them in milk before sitting next to me. We ate in silence for a moment as I watched him treat the cheerios as if they were little people and he was Godzilla eating them.

"Those poor cheerio's, what did they ever do to you?" He paused with the spoon just in his mouth, some milk dribbled down his chin. He shoveled them into his mouth then made a loud crunching sound. He then grinned and leaned closer to me.

"**You know V, there's no one here to save you this time. We have this place all to ourselves.**" He practically purred in my ear. I was about to smack him with my spoon when he did something unexpected. He ran his tongue down my neck and softly bit at my shoulder. I shivered and grabbed a hold of his hair.

"Do that again." My voice was practically a whisper but he complied and my eyes nearly rolled back into my head. His tongue was like hot velvet on my skin and who knew that I liked being bit so much.

"**Enjoying this?**" His voice was husky against my neck. I could feel his hands sneaking around my body and sliding under my shirt.

"Maybe I'm enjoying this too much; I might need the opinion of a doctor." I pulled his face from my neck and pulled his lips to mine. He kissed me roughly and pulled me into his lap, I could feel his nails lightly running over my back.

"**Oh you need a doctor now?**" He fisted his hand into my hair and pulled my head back roughly exposing my neck to him. He started kissing and nipping at the exposed flesh. I could feel him starting to pull at my shirt with his free hand, then the soft popping and ripping of tearing fabric.

"Maybe I want both of you right now." He was making me so hot and I was about to toss him to the ground and take him myself. I could feel how much he wanted me when he started grinding his length against me through our clothes.

"**We both want you.**" I heard a crash as he knocked both our breakfast bowls off the table and laid me down on top of it. He wrapped my legs around his waist and thrusted against me through our clothes again. "**The good doctor is in but I get to go in first.**"

* * *

(If you want to skip the lemon go down to the next bar.)

He pulled my shirt off and began kissing me all over my chest as his hands fumbled with my pants. I lifted my hips to help him undo the zipper and ground against his length again. He groaned against my chest and pulled my legs from his waist.

"**No mercy for you woman, you're ours. We'll make you scream our names until your throat bleeds.**" Scarecrow ripped my pants off and fell between my legs kissing and suckling at the soft exposed flesh of my thighs. I groaned as he started nipping and biting to leave marks against my pale flesh.

"Get those pants off now, I need you." I was so hot that I was sure my clothes would burn right off. Scarecrow didn't waste any time and ripped his pants and boxers off before grabbing my thong with his teeth and ripping it off. His mouth was on me in an instant licking and sucking. His tongue and teeth were everywhere making me thrash against his mouth and arch against the table. He did something with his tongue and my mind went blank as I came hard against him.

"**Oh you like that?**" He was up and kissing me moments later, I could taste myself on his tongue and it just made me burn hotter for him. He roughly grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his waist. I could feel him stroking himself against me.

"Please, I need you." It came out as a whimper and he slammed his lips to mine and entered me, shoving himself in fully and holding me against him. My nails raked down his arms scratching him open and making him bleed a little. He growled deep in his throat and began slamming into me until I was sure the table would break under us. His lips almost never left mine and his hands were everywhere. I held onto him for dear life as he claimed my body with his own.

"**Mine. Always mine.**" He growled against me and pounded me as if his life depended on it. I was sure if we had any neighbors they would hear me screaming as his thrusts wound me higher and higher. "**Scream my name.**" His voice was cracking as he increased his pace a thin sheen of sweat making our bodies stick together.

"Scarecrow!" I felt like my body exploded as he drove me over the edge. My whole body was shaking against his and I heard him groan as he reached his own peak. He thrusted a few more times making sure I'd milked him dry before panting against my throat. My vision cleared after a moment and I stroked his damp hair trying to catch my breath. I pulled him in for a kiss and saw his eyes had cleared but still burned with fire. "Jonathan?"

"My turn now V." He kissed me firmly and grabbed one of my legs, throwing it over his shoulder. At once he was thrusting into me again as if trying to rid Scarecrow's mark on my body. His hands were stroking me everywhere and I was writhing against him. His mouth soon joined his hands and I could feel his tongue over every inch of my body as he licked and thrusted me into another orgasm.

"Oh Jonathan." My voice was nearly a whimper as he pulled out of me and picked me up off the table.

"Oh we're not done yet." He carried me to his room and tossed me onto his bed. He was back inside me before I could blink and he pounded into me like a man possessed. He marked my body with his mouth drawing blood on a few spots. I was screaming his name as I came yet again, my body writhing on the sheets under him. "Oh god V." He groaned and came again, his nails digging into my hips as he finished.

(Okay it's over for now : P)

* * *

We lay panting in each others arms on the bed. Neither of us having the strength to move out of each others embrace.

"Gods V, that was amazing." Jonathan whispered against my hair, his arms wrapped around me. My face was against his chest and I wasn't able to even begin to make coherent sentences yet. I looked up into his possessive eyes and nuzzled his chin making him chuckle. "What's wrong V? Did we accidentally fuck you senseless?" He managed to pull a blanket over both of us and we passed out in each others arms.

Friday 8:15 PM

I woke up abruptly as I was dunked into the tub. I felt Jonathan slide in behind me and I turned to snuggle into his body, still drunk from the sex earlier. He started to softly scrub my body clean making sure to carefully rub against each mark he left on my skin. I languidly writhed against his body making him hard for me again.

"V as much as I would love another round I don't think either of our body's could handle it." He sat me up so he could begin cleaning his own body. I could see scratches and bite marks from when I had gotten too heated in the moment.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" I took the washcloth from him and started softly cleaning his body. He leaned forward and buried his face into my chest when I reached his back. He had long scratch marks going from his shoulders down to his ass. They weren't deep but they stung him as I carefully cleaned them.

"I'm hoping you do more of this in the future. We both loved it." He licked at my chest making me playfully push him away.

"What happened to not being able to take another go?" I pouted and he pulled me in for a kiss.

"Don't tempt us V." He groaned and stood up helping me out of the bath with him. He started drying me with a soft towel before draining the tub. I took the time to stare at his tight ass before quickly looking away as he stood.

"So what's for dinner?" I wrapped the towel around his body and pulled him in for another kiss.

"We're going out to eat, I'm dressing you up." He smirked before picking me up and carrying me into the room and dumping me on the bed.

9:15 PM

We were finally dressed and had made our way into town. I had to play nice to keep Jonathan from crashing the car, apparently I was very distracting. He stopped at a small diner and we went inside. It wasn't too busy so we were able to get a table to ourselves. The food was good and I'm sure Jonathan didn't hear a word I said. His body language said he was having a nice dinner but his eyes were saying that once we got home I was dessert.

Once we had finished dinner and were moving to leave but were stopped when there was a small explosion from the front of the restaurant and the room filled with green smoke. I tried to reach for Jonathan but my world went dark before I even hit the ground.

I don't know how long I was out or where I even was. I was in a cage suspended over a large pool of water. I was alone. My eyes darted around looking for a way out as I crawled around the cage. There was a large lock keeping me from opening the door and I did the only thing I could think of. I ripped the under-wire from my bra and started trying to pick the lock. I had no idea what I was doing I was just hoping I wasn't making things worse. To my surprise the lock clicked open after a few minutes of fiddling with it. I felt safe until the lock hit the water and a large explosion of sparks erupted. The water was electrified. It was a good 8 foot jump to the floor before me. The water was electrified.

_Oh dear god I'm going to be sick!_ I had been swinging the cage for awhile now and I was sure that I was going to vomit. I had the cage to a comfortable distance and flung my self from the opening. I hit the floor hard and the breath was knocked out of me. I was sure that I spent the last four minutes cursing and writhing on the floor before I picked myself up and searched for a way out.

I found a door hidden behind a fake wall, it was locked. _What a surprise._ I shoved my bra lock pick into the handle and started twisting it around hoping that by some sheer luck it would pop open. Apparently the waffle gods had blessed me because the door opened in under a minute. I slipped out the door and started walking down the hallway trying to figure out where I was.

I felt like I had walked for miles before I found another door, unlocked this time. I stepped in and was met by an entire wall of TV's. They were monitoring various parts around the city and what looked like torture rooms. I walked up to one that had a blinking red light under it and peered into the screen.

Batman was grappling around the room attempting to save the several people chained up around the walls. He was avoiding the flooring and I wondered if it had been electrified. I moved from screen to screen to see if I could find Jonathan anywhere but I didn't find a trace of him.

"Well riddle me this! What kind of mouse has escaped its cage and now roams freely around my works?" I recognized that voice. I spun around to face Edward.

"Oh god Edward you look like death warmed over." His green suit was ripped and his bowler hat sat lopsided on his head. His shirt was ripped open and his tie was loosely hanging onto its knot. He had a thin sheen of red stubble across his face and his eyes held dark rings underneath. He blinked for a moment in surprise as if he didn't believe I was really there.

"V?" His voice was now a whisper as he limped towards me. I rushed to his side and he grabbed me around my middle and buried his face into my chest. "Oh god V I thought you would never wake up." His hands fisted into the back of my shirt and he was shaking so badly that I was fearful of his health.

"Edward, what happened to you?" I removed his hat and set it upon my own head before stroking his hair softly. He held onto me as if he could never let me go. After a moment he looked up at me, his eyes watering and red.

"V. If we hadn't had to worry about the Batman you wouldn't have gotten hurt. I'm so sorry baby." He rested his head against my chest again and took a shuddering breath. "There was so much blood and I thought I had killed you." His nails were digging into my back and I fell to my knees in front of him.

"Edward what are you doing here?" I stroked his cheek softly and looked into his eyes.

"Simple. I'm going to kill the Batman, then I'm going to kill Crane. Once they're gone I'll make you my riddle queen and we'll have lots and lots of puzzle babies." His eyes held a crazed tint to them. "Scarecrow tried saying you were his but I know the truth." He pulled my face to his so I could feel his warm breath on against my lips. "You woke up just for me." He ground his lips against mine and I wondered where my sweet Edward had gone.


	18. Green with Envy

Housekeeping

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the sexy men from Batman**

This chappie is for all the Joker fans…don't worry riddle fans your shots coming up soon.

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 18: Green with Envy

* * *

Friday 11:31 PM

Edward had chained me to his chair. Somehow after making out with me and describing the multitudes of puzzle babies we were supposed to have he chained me up. Apparently Batman had saved the day and cleared one of the twelve riddle rooms Edward had rigged up. I felt like a dog on a leash, the iron cuff securely around my ankle letting me get everywhere except the door. I thought he had snapped his red hair was standing on end as he bashed his hands against a helpless control panel.

"You must be cheating Batman! Are you looking up the answers on the internet?" He screamed into the microphone as Batman cleared yet another riddle and was growing ever closer to our location.

"Edward killing Batman isn't going to solve anything." I tried pleading with him. He turned to me and the glare he sent chilled me to the bone. I wanted to cry but if I did I would probably end up on his lap being stroked like some cat.

"Batman caused this problem, his death will solve it." He turned back to his television monitors and fiddled with some dials. I scanned from TV to TV hoping for some sign of Jonathan but I didn't see anything. I slipped the last remaining under wire from my bra and began fiddling with the chain around my ankle.

"Where is Crane? Edward you can't hurt him." I continued to fiddle with the cuff while Batman held his attention.

"Crane won't be found unless I want him to. If Batman manages to solve my riddles then I'll just take you and flee. There's a dress you need to try on and a nice chapel I have reserved." He flicked a few buttons setting off various traps to try and slow Batman down.

"If Crane dies I won't marry you." I nearly smiled as the cuff clicked open and I slipped my foot free. I crept out of the chair and to the door easing it open.

"Stop saying his name!" He slammed his hands down on the panel and looked over to the now empty chair. His gaze shot to mine as I flung open the door. "Take one step outside this room and I will personally make sure you can't walk for quite some time." He pushed himself away from the computer and took a step towards me. "V come to daddy now."

"Sorry Eddie, this bird's gotta fly." I launched myself out the door and started running down the hall as fast as I could. I could hear him burst out the door behind me but I just kept running as if those hell hounds were on my tail again. I had lost a lot of my stamina from being comatose but I could still run as if my life depended on it, it probably did. I would have made it to the end of the hall if a cane hadn't appeared under my feet and tripped me. My ankle shifted painfully as I went down and the air was forced from my lungs in a painful burst. Before I could get back onto my feet something heavy crashed into me and flipped me onto my back.

"Stop running. V I swear you won't run away from me again." His voice spewed venom and I thought he was going to hit me as one of his hands raised above his head.

"Please don't hit me E." I squeezed my eyes closed and braced myself but the pain never came. I opened my eyes to stare into a watery pair of green orbs. He was crying. His tears softly pattered against my face and neck as his lip quivered.

"V, oh my little puzzle queen." His hand softly stroked my cheek. "You don't know what its like. Every time I've tried to be there for you one of those other heathens grabbed you from me. I've been beaten, nearly drowned, abused and threatened within an inch of my life just because I love you." He was shaking, his hand making my vision quiver with the force of his actions. "I just wanted you to be Mrs. Nigma. Why did those other two have to butt into my romancing?"

"Eddie…" Before I could say another word his face was buried in my chest and I felt a strange pain. I was hurting from his pain. He was the only one of the creepy little trio who actually said that he loved me. I softly stroked his hair as he breathed into my shirt. I felt like a teddy bear that was being coddled by a mourning child.

"V. I never meant to hurt you." He looked up into my eyes and I nearly cried. There was so much pain in his gaze that I didn't know how one man could survive it. I was being torn in two different directions at once. I wanted to comfort Eddie but I wanted to be comforted by Jonathan at the same time. Hell I'd rather be tossed around by Joker then going through this right now.

"Edward, once Batman finishes your riddles he's going to lock you back up in Arkham. I don't want to see you hurt." I stroked his cheek and he closed his eyes, leaning into my hand. My life felt like it had been turned upside down and thrown into a blender. I couldn't break any of them out of Arkham and I'd probably be admitted myself if they found out about me.

"Victoria," He stroked my cheek and pulled me into a sitting position. "its time we left for greener pastures." I didn't understand what he meant but within moments I was assaulted by green smoke from his cane and my world blissfully slipped away from me.

Saturday sometime during the sunny bright time

I woke up on silk sheets on a giant green bed, rubbing my eyes I looked around to find myself in a green room covered in question marks. Sighing I moved to crawl out of bed hoping to find an exit when a cold breeze froze me in my tracks. My clothes were gone. In their place was a green lace baby doll top, a green thong and stockings. Blushing as red as my hair I roamed around the room looking for clothing. As I was digging around in a drawer the door swung open revealing Edward wearing a pair of green boxers and a green button up vest. His bowler hat was tipped sideways on his head and his cane was twirling in his hands. He looked a lot better then before; he had shaved and trimmed his hair. The dark rings under his eyes had lightened and he looked somewhat healthy.

"Looking for something?" His eyes grazed my body making me blush again. First he kidnaps me, then he chains me up, then I'm gassed, stripped and laid out on his bed.

"Some clothes would be nice." I looked over at him and slid the drawer shut using my hips.

"Oh you don't need clothes, daddy likes what he sees right now." He strutted over to me and grabbed me by my hips. "So I was thinking about those puzzle babies we were discussing earlier." He licked his lips.

"Oh and what about these non-existent children?" I tried to pry his hands off my hips but he just slid his cane behind me and used it to pull me closer.

"I'm thinking that we should start working on them now." He grinned lecherously at me.

"What happened to getting married first? I was sure you were pretty adamant about that." I tried to slip from his grip but he just pressed himself up against me and leaned down until he was nose to nose with me.

"Well I've had to rethink my priorities. I'd rather have you nice and knocked up before the wedding. Show the world that you're mine and baring the future geniuses of America." He pressed his lips to mine before I could say another word and I tried to push him away. He just chuckled and threw me towards the bed. I tried to get around him but before I knew it I was pinned down and he had my arms held above me in a show of dominance.

"Eddie stop this." I squirmed under him trying to ignore his body above mine. Before he could kiss me again the door was kicked down and my jaw nearly dropped seeing who stumbled in.

"Oh I agree lets stop this right now." Joker looked like hell. His suit was hanging off his body ripped in several places; his face was covered in blood and smears of white paint, his green hair hung limply against his scalp. I had never seen him look so damaged, ever.

"Why does everyone burst in when I'm about to have a romantic romp with my lady?" Edward nearly howled and jumped from the bed pointing his cane at Joker. "You left her! The day after she was hurt you ran off and abandoned her. I won't let you or anyone else take her from me again you clown!" He ran at Joker swinging his cane like a man possessed. Joker nimbly dodged him and pulled a gun from his coat.

"Hate using these little things but I'm in no way able to play fair right now." He shot Edward in the leg then smacked his head with his own cane, knocking him out.

"Oh god don't let him bleed to death!" Even though he was about to do horrible things to me I still cared for him in a twisted sort of way.

"Don't worry Mrs. J. He'll live, just a flesh wound. Now let's see about getting you out of this horrible green room and into mine." He smiled and his teeth were bloody. I slid off the bed and stomped over to him and quickly slapped him across the face.

"If you hadn't tried to rape me the last time we were together then none of this would have happened!" I wanted to find something heavy and beat him over the head with it.

"Now, now. Calm it down you're getting all emotional and womanly." He grabbed me and pulled me close. He smelled like gasoline and burnt wood. I beat against his chest with my hands until I felt like they were going to throb off my wrists. "There, there. Now calm down little woman. I had to save the damned straw boy to find you and we're going to leave before he gets here." He licked his lips leaving a trace of blood on his scars.

"Jonathan's alive?" My eyes rose to his burning brown gaze and I tried to look as excited as I felt.

"Well now I don't like that. Not one bit. I think it's time that Mr. J reminds you why you're his Mrs." He pulled me from the room and I squeaked as his hand gripped my arm with bruising force.

"Joker what are you doing?" I tried to keep up with his long strides as he nearly sprinted down the hallway.

"I'm looking for a closet. Ah here we are!" He flung open the nearest closet door and shoved me inside before following. "Now you know I'd never hurt my woman right?" I could almost feel the smirk on his face.

"Joker you're bound to do anything you damn well please. Let me go. Why are we even in the closet?" I tried to push past him as he clicked the dim bulb above us off.

"Well my dear, its time that I show the little wifey what she's been missing." He pushed me up against the wall of the closet and shoved his lips onto mine. I tried pushing him away but his hands were everywhere. He dropped the gun and the cane at our feet and was busy ripping the lacy underclothes off my frame. I tried clawing at him but just managed to rip his suit even more off his body.

"Joker you're insane stop!" I beat at his chest as he laughed at me.

"Oh you think I'm crazy. Well if you hadn't noticed I'm not much for romance. This is as good as it gets take it or leave it." He leaned down and actually ripped the baby doll top open with his teeth before running his tongue over my body. I grabbed his hair to try and pull him away but he started nipping at my hips making my skin shiver. "Oh I think she likes it." He laughed against my skin and licked his way back up to my mouth.

"This isn't funny Joker." _Why do I have to be so attracted to bad men? Why not a nice banker or firefighter?_ I went to push against his chest again and felt bare skin. He was sliding his clothing off at an alarming pace and my hands found scar after scar knotting his flesh.

"Is there even any skin left or are you all scars?" I tried to distract him hoping to slip away. No such luck, he pinned me against the wall again with a leg between mine.

* * *

(Ok adults only beyond this line, rabid fan girls in front please)

"Oh no questions baby doll. Any more talking and things could get rough around here." I wanted to say something but he slid to his knees before I could speak and shoved my legs around his shoulders. He ripped the thong to the side and dove against me like a starving man eying a hot meal. His scars were hot against me and his tongue should be considered a lethal weapon. I tried to speak but my voice came out in a strangled squeak as stars seemed to appear before my eyes.

My legs had turned to jell-o and I was burning alive. He made me orgasm as if it were an Olympic sport. As I was panting to catch my breath he was on his feet and shoving his lips against mine again. I pulled him closer and shoved my tongue in his mouth feeling the scars for myself. His nails were digging into my hips drawing blood as he lifted me around his waist and ground against me.

"Oh little V daddy should save you more often." He moan against my lips before shoving himself to the hilt inside me. His body was radiating heat like a furnace and he pounded me as if it were his job. His lips and tongue were fighting mine never letting me catch my breath. It was like making love to chaos and anarchy at the same time. I could taste the blood, sweat and power behind him. He drove me over the edge again and again making lights explode behind my eyes over and over again. Just before he joined me in the spastic bliss he dug his teeth into my shoulder drawing blood and making me cry out. He then kissed me again making sure I could taste my own blood before quickening his pace and driving us both over the edge one last time. If he hadn't been holding me up I would have been in a quivering pool of orgasmic pudding at his feet.

(Ok it's over please grab a towel and head to the shower area to relax.)

* * *

"Remind me why we didn't done this sooner?" He hadn't moved in several moments and I knew he wasn't asleep, I think we were holding each other up.

"Because you seemed to be more apt to fleeing my advances then taking them like a good little girl." He sounded exhausted and we were sticking together from the sweat.

"And the biting?" My shoulder was burning from where he bit me, I could feel blood still trickling against my flesh.

"Oh that's to show all the little boys and girls that daddy's back. Can't let anyone start pawing at what's mine remember." He chuckled and slid my legs to the floor before pulling away. Without him against me I was suddenly freezing and I started feeling around for the discarded clothing at our feet.

"If we go by that logic I belong to all three of you." I found the thong and slid it on wincing at how raw I felt.

"Well if you look at it that way…" He trailed off and I felt his tongue on my shoulder again lapping at the blood. I pushed him away and he fell against the door, which had been opened letting in cold air and making me shiver.

"The hell?" I covered my chest with my hands and wanted to sink into the wall and hide. The afterglow was fading fast as I shamefully gazed into the icy blue orbs shooting balls of blazing fury at me.

"**When we're done with you, you'll be in a wheelchair for a month. That's a promise.**" Jonathan shoved his coat at me before pulling the naked Joker out and slamming the door shut. I slipped into the coat and pulled it closed around me. I didn't like the noises coming from outside the closet and all too soon the voices were joined by a third.

"What the blazes? Why is Joker naked and where is my puzzle queen?" Everything went silent for a moment before I heard a loud explosion and what sounded like someone being beaten with a stick. "Well if Joker's going to fight naked then so shall I!"

"Why me?" I looked up at the ceiling as if god were glaring at me with a disapproving stare. "Why do all the crazy ones have to be hot?" I hung my head and curled up into a ball at the bottom of the closet.


	19. Fleeing the Scene

Housekeeping

I've gotten a few reviews about the guys watching Casanova and getting ideas. I haven't seen the movie and am really struggling to even get into it. Even with the hotness of Ledger I can't seem to watch more then a few minutes at a time a day. It's coming soon so just hold on and maybe I'll just read the cliff notes and go from there. I'm really mixing things up here and not sticking to really any kind of Batman storyline. I've been addicted to playing Batman Arkham Asylum and Arkham City and wanted to throw a few guys in to spice up the plot.

Any how enjoy.

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 19: Fleeing the Scene

* * *

I don't know how long I sat on the bottom of the closet but the noises outside had finally stopped. I slipped into Jokers discarded clothing and adjusted it the best I could to cover me. The pants were huge and I had to roll them up and tie them around my waist with what was left of his shirt. His coat hung comically off my frame and I gave up on the idea of slipping into his socks or shoes. I really wasn't that desperate. I opened the closet door and saw a trail of blood leading down the hall. Still sore I limped down the hall and peeked into the room where the blood stopped. All three guys were beat up and lying on the floor looking like hell warmed over. I couldn't take seeing them kill each other over me.

I adjusted the coat closed, seeing as I didn't have anything on under it, and took a deep breath. This was going to be hard. I started walking down the hall checking every door until I found one that led outside. I stood in the doorway and just stared for awhile. Should I stay? Should I go? I cared a lot for these men and they just kept hurting each other because of me. I hung my head and dug my nails into the door frame. I needed some time to get my head together before I jumped back into this. I walked out into the world and closed the door behind me. Surprisingly there weren't any armed guards or even Batman nearby so I walked for awhile down the street until I came to a payphone. Against my better judgment I called the only person who I thought could help me, Vicky. She picked up on the first ring then spent a full minute screaming at me at how I shouldn't have made her think I was dead and how much of a horrible person I was. Several minutes after the call her car came screeching down the street and stopped just long enough for her to get out of the car, beat me over the head with her purse and throw me in the back seat.

"V you're the worst person I know. Disappearing for so long then just out of the blue calling me for help. What the hell? And why does it look like you're wearing Jokers suit?" She drove like a woman possessed until we were back at her apartment.

"I was in a coma." At least I could say that without lying. "I woke up in a warehouse and this was the only thing I could find to wear." I jumped out of the car as she ushered me up the stairs and into her place. It was actually pretty nice, like an Ikea catalog, and everything was pretty shiny.

"Well seeing as Arkham still is out of commission until they can get it back up to health code you're going to be okay job wise." She threw her purse onto her white block type couch and walked back into her room.

"They still haven't fixed it?" I watched her walk back out with a handful of clothing that she shoved in my arms before dragging me to her bathroom.

"Well turned out that once the power went out Killer Croc and Clayface broke free and took turns eating patients and police." She shuddered and slammed the bathroom door shut leaving me to change. I slipped out of the mangled suit and spent a few moments wiping what was left of Jokers face paint off my body before I slipped into some tight blue jeans and a pink t-shirt. I was really wishing for a bra but I would take what I could get. I picked up the remnants of the suit and took one last smell of Jokers scent before dropping it into the trash bin under her sink. I wanted to keep it but I didn't want another visit from Batman if he found me with it. Even though they were criminals I loved the guys enough not to turn them in.

"Do you think they'll ever get the asylum back up and running? Having a job would help keep my mind off current events." _And help me keep from running right back to them. I really miss my plushies and Cranes sexy body._ I sighed to myself as Vicky tossed me a beer and motioned for me to attempt sitting on her couch.

"Oh they'll have it up and running soon enough. Batman seems to have got himself a sidekick…bird boy or something like that. They're cleaning up the psychos left and right. Hopefully they'll even catch the Joker by the end of the week." She took a swig of her beer and eyed me as if I'd grown another head.

"Bird boy? Thing's just keep getting weirder and weirder Vic." I took a sip of my beer and cringed. I hated beer.

"So how did you end up in a coma anyways? I didn't see your name on any hospital admissions." She was blunt and straight to the point. I thought quickly before she could tie me up and send me off to the police.

"Mob put a hit on me. I, uh, got hit during one of the attacks and woke up with some mob doctor on Joker's payroll patching me up." I groaned, now she would know that Joker had something to do with me and then Batman would show up. Then the grappling, the screaming and him trying to shove his tongue down my throat would start right back up again.

"Well the mob and Joker aren't on the best of terms right now. He probably had you patched up to piss them off." She shrugged and pulled her phone from her pocket. "The police should be here soon enough, I called them while you were in the bathroom."

"What?" I almost dropped my beer and eyed her windows wondering how fast I could jump through one and flee.

"V you've been missing for so long that Batman himself is the only thing keeping the police from declaring you dead."

"Why would batman not think I'm dead?"

"Because some people don't give up on the ones they care about." The gravely voice of Batman made my blood run cold and I was literally shaking as I turned to see him standing in the doorway. Batman actually used the door for once.

"You work quick." Vicky stood up and took my beer as she walked back to her kitchen. "I'll leave you two alone."

"I can't believe this." I wanted to shoot myself in the leg. I would rather be walking down the isle carrying Edward's triplets then sitting here in the same room with Batman again.

"Believe it." He sauntered over and picked me up before I could protest. "I'm going to take you somewhere safe; the mob doesn't take kindly to someone who rises from the dead." He marched me to the window and grappled to the nearest building. I was pale and shaking by the time we were on the rooftop.

"Do you really need to do the whole swinging from roof top thing? I'm scared of heights and have motion sickness, really not the best combination for this." I tried to edge away but he just pulled me against his body and dug his armored hands into my hair. I wasn't a damsel in distress and his dark knight gallivanting wasn't going to win me over.

"I saw you being kidnapped by the Joker. He took you to his warehouse." He pulled my head up to face his. I expected fury in his eyes but he looked like he wanted to snuggle instead.

"You did?" I tried to push him away but apparently in Batman lingo it meant 'kiss me you fool'. Next thing I know he's crushed his lips to mine and holding me against him like he owns me. His hands were wandering and I swear I felt him groan when he found that I had no bra to get past. I tried slapping at his armored body hoping that I might set off one of his Bat gadgets long enough to beat him over the head with it.

"If that's a new interrogation technique I would so like to get some training in." Batman pulled himself from me and I managed to get a glimpse of a man wearing a red armored top with an R on it. He had black pants and a yellow short cape tied around his shoulders. His black diamond mask covered his eyes along with a dark hood making him seem mysterious. This must have been the bird boy, I wanted to vomit.

"Robin, you're supposed to be following her trail to see who had her." Batman's voice was flat and he pushed me behind him.

"I did, it led to an empty house that looked like someone was beaten pretty badly inside." Bird boy tried to peek around Batman to glimpse me again.

"I'm going to take her to protective custody. Go patrol the scene and I'll meet up with you later." Batman really did not want this guy to be near me. Maybe if I throw myself off the side of the building they won't notice. I eyed the distance from the edge and started wondering the odds.

"Oh don't worry about that, I'll take care of it. Anyways you're being summoned." He pointed over his shoulder at the Bat signal glowing in the sky.

"Fine but we're discussing this later. Don't touch what isn't yours." Batman grabbed my arm before I could flee and carried me over to Robin before giving him a look that could melt through steel. He jumped off the side of the building and began grappling away.

"Okay now what did you do to seduce Batman?" Robin grabbed my arm and pulled me closer as if inspecting me. He seemed to only be in his early twenties and had a thin layer of stubble across his chin. I didn't like the way his eyes grazed my body and I wondered if I would be safer in a bucket of rogues then alone with him.

"I didn't do anything, he's been like this since the day I met him." _Why did I leave the house again?_

"Really because you seem a little shady. Once I get you to the safe house I think some interrogating is in order. A lot of interrogating" He handcuffed me quickly then threw me over his shoulder as he pulled out his own grappling gun and took off in the opposite direction of Batman. Within moments I was screaming and begging for him not to drop me. He didn't grapple as smoothly as Batman and nearly dropped me several times, laughing each time he did. He kept grabbing my ass as he 'adjusted' my weight with each grapple, I was sure that he wasn't planning on asking me twenty questions once we reached the safe house.

Just as he was grappling over a large stretch of deserted road over the narrows something whizzed by my head making me scream and nearly writhe out of his grip. He disengaged his grapple and dropped me onto a car before he hit the street. My head spun with pain as I hit the cold metal of a Volkswagen, damn thing must have been tank proof as it didn't dent at all.

"Oh lookie here it's the little Robin. Batman doesn't seem to be here to save you now little bird." My head was swimming but I managed to make out a group of eight or so men surrounding Robin. Most of them looked like beefed up street thugs carrying guns but the one who was doing all the talking looked different. He wore an expensive looking suit but it was odd, one side was pristine white and the other kind of a burned leathery black. One side of his face was charmingly handsome but the other looked red and burned. He was flipping a coin in his hand and was acting like he'd already won the battle.

"Two face. I thought you were on your way to Arkham. No matter I'll just send you right back." Robin pulled some kind of extendable staff from under his cape and prepared to take all these guys on. I wiggled off the top of the car and snuck off down on of the alleys. Those guys had guns and I wasn't sticking around for that.

I took off running, trying not to step on anything sharp, and didn't stop even after the gunfire started. I didn't know where exactly I was in the narrows or where I was going but I just didn't want to be there anymore. It was hard running with my hands cuffed behind my back but I managed and only stepped on seven drunken homeless men on my escape. I was a handcuffed woman with no shoes or weapon. The chances of me getting shot or stabbed were exceptionally high at this point. I looked around for any sign of any rogue I might know. I took care of more then a few while I was at Arkham, maybe one of them might save me? Just when I thought that I would have to flag down a masked vigilante for help I noticed an open vent on the side of a building. Not thinking twice I jumped into it and wiggled down the steel shaft until I was in a nice sized square metal vent. It was the size of a full sized bed and I could probably sleep here safely for awhile. I felt even safer with the nice green lantern left in the corner. _Green lantern?_ I took a closer look at it and it wasn't a lantern at all, it was a glowing green question mark trophy type of thing. I squirmed until I managed to get my hands in front of me, still cuffed of course, and then picked it up. I nearly dropped it as an all too familiar voice spoke from a small speaker on the bottom.

"Oh you've finally found that one batman. That one was mere child's play compared to the others I've scattered around for you."

"Edward?" I nearly screamed at the trophy. I thought it was a recording until his voice returned much quieter then before.

"V?" He sounded confused.

"Edward please help me, I'm sorry that I left. I was kidnapped and felt up by the batman then Robin dropped me on a car and I'm handcuffed and hurt and…" I was crying like a baby. The events of the past few days slammed into me with the force of one of Batman's kicks.

"V stay right there. Papa's coming to save his baby." The trophy went silent and just glowed with a pretty green light that warmed me as I shivered in the cold metal vent.

"Please hurry." I curled up into a ball and clung to the trophy as if it could make everything all better.


	20. I'd Rather be a Rogue

Housekeeping

_Thinking_

**Alternate Personality Speaking**

Speaking

Chapter 20: I'd rather be a Rogue

* * *

I clung to the Riddler trophy for what seemed like ages until I heard a scuffling from the entrance of the ventilation shaft. I sat up and held it like a club, hopefully I could at least distract the intruder long enough to get away. I hoped. My hands were shaking as I could hear someone sliding closer and closer to me the dim green glow from the trophy making me stick out like a beacon in the darkness. I prepared to chuck the trophy as a body came into view but paused when I saw a pair of bruised green eyes staring at me in shock.

"Edward!" I dropped the trophy and launched myself at him. He barely had time to sit up before I wrapped my cuffed arms around him and kissed him as if the world was ending. He seemed shocked for all of a moment before kissing back and pushing me against the wall of the ventilation room. I could taste blood in his kisses and pulled back to see how badly he was beaten up.

"V you scared the hell out of us. And to top it all off you went and got kidnapped by Batman again along with his baby robin toy." He looked upset. Both of his eyes were bruised and he had a cut along his cheek. His lips were busted and I could see finger marks around his neck. I started crying again.

"I left because you all keep hurting each other over me." I did my best to stroke his uninjured cheek. "You always get hurt." I was so glad that he came to get me and I hadn't been found by Batman again.

"You were worried about me?" He seemed surprised and he pulled something off the cuff of his suit to unlock my handcuffs.

"I always worry about you." The cuffs opened with a soft click and I rubbed my bruised wrists as they ached horribly. Before Edward could say anything else I pulled his hat off his head and plopped it atop my own.

"That's my hat V." He made a grab for it but I pushed him away.

"Nope it's mine now." I made a grab for the trophy to take along with his hat but he pinned me down and tried to grab his hat again.

"Now V, you know that I don't go anywhere without my hat on." He smacked his hand on the metal of the vent as I squirmed to the side just in time to avoid him. I saw my chance as he put his knuckles in his mouth and kicked his leg away hoping to slide out from under him. Instead it just pulled him down on top of me until we were nose to nose. He stared down at me in surprise.

"I wanna wear your hat E." I tried to scoot out from under him but he grabbed my legs and wrapped them around his waist. He leaned down until his lips were just inches from my own.

"Oh you want to be the Riddler then? Wear trendy clothes and be a mastermind that rivals Batman himself?"

"Sure. I bet I'd look sexy in green." I smirked as he looked stunned for a moment. "Can't picture me a rogue E? Wearing some trendy sexy green outfit sauntering around hiding riddles?" His look bordered on predatory as he crashed his lips onto mine, hat forgotten in the moment.

* * *

(This time Riddles is mine so if you wanna skip you know where to go)

He kissed me as if I were the only thing keeping him alive. My hands dug into his hair and pulled him even closer. His tongue forced its way into my mouth as his hands found their way under my top; he groaned finding no bra to get in the way.

"God V, my little riddle queen." He kissed down my chin and to my shoulder, running his tongue along the bite Joker left. The feeling made me shiver; I ripped his coat off and pulled it to the side.

"I'm going to wear your coat Eddie."

"Like hell you are V." He ripped my shirt off and buried his face in my chest licking and sucking on any inch of flesh he could find. His coat forgotten I arched against him and nearly ripped the tie from his neck. His mouth was hot and soft at the same time. I pulled him back up to kiss me as I ripped his shirt clean off, buttons flying in all directions.

"Why do you wear so many clothes E?" I flipped him onto his back and pulled his shirt off. He had so many bruises and cuts along his torso. The question mark shaped scar seemed to catch the dim light from the trophy and I leaned down and ran my tongue along it. His breath hitched and he ripped the hat from my head to dig his fingers into my hair. I traced the scar several times as I fumbled with his belt and ripped it off as he popped the button on my pants.

"I would wear nothing if it pleased you V." He flipped me back over and in one motion had my pants off and his leg in between mine. His mouth was on me again and I ripped his pants open struggling to get them down. He actually chuckled as he squirmed out of his pants, making sure that he ground against me as much as he could. I heard a dull thud as he kicked his shoes off and the rustle of fabric as his pants joined them. He kissed down my body again making sure to leave some bites of his own on my hips before sliding the thong down and kissing every inch of skin exposed.

"Oh Eddie." My mind went blank as he dove between my thighs as if he were a kid in a candy store. His hands left my body for a moment but his mouth remained his teeth and tongue driving me wild. I was so close when he pulled away and dove to my mouth to kiss me again. Before I could protest he slid himself against me making me gasp and wrap my legs around his waist. I pulled him to me for another kiss as he drove himself deep sending me over the edge.

"Already V? Was this Riddler too much for you?" He smirked and began thrusting into me with seemingly no pattern at all. I was clinging to him as he drove me higher and higher. I kissed down his chin and left a bite of my own along his shoulder. He grabbed my hips and drove into them as hard and deep as he could making me groan and hold onto him as if he were slamming me apart. The room was steaming up from the heat of our bodies and I was sure he was nearly deaf from my moaning. He did a little twist with his hips with one of his deeper thrusts sending me off into space as I came.

"Oh fuck Eddie!" My nails raked down his back and I was still seeing stars as he moaned and joined me in orbit.

(Okay now I need a shower)

* * *

We were both panting for breath as we came down and I placed soft kisses along his chin. He stroked my hips softly before pulling my lips to his own with another deep kiss. I was exhausted and could hardly feel any part of my body anymore. He just gave me his sexy bad boy smirk before kissing me again while sliding from my body.

"Still want to be a rogue little V?" He found his hat and before he could slide it onto his head I grabbed for it and managed to snag it and set it atop my own.

"Yep. I told you I'd look stunning in green. I think you'll be out of a job E." He pulled me up against him and stole my breath with another kiss before sliding his coat over my arms and buttoning it closed.

"That you do my little riddle queen, that you do." I watched him squirm back into his clothing from my glazed little world. I sat there in nothing but his coat and top hat while he held his broken shirt staring in wonder as not a single button remained.

"You were wearing too many clothes." I smirked and he slid the broken garment on his body before redoing his tie. He slunk over to me and snatched the hat from my head, kissing me breathless once again.

"My hat V." He started to lead me out of the vent but I pointed back at the trophy glowing in the corner.

"Can I at least have that one E? Its so pretty and green and shiny." My eyes were getting harder and harder to keep open and I wanted to just curl up on a cozy bed and snuggle the hell out of whatever was closest.

"I'll get you another V. We probably should go; you're not exactly subtle when you're enjoying yourself." He smirked and pushed me out the vent, making sure to get himself a good view in the process. I slid out into the darkened world staring at the white van idling near the alley. Edward slipped out behind me and wrapped an arm around my waist.

"I couldn't bring the green car, too many eyes in the neighborhood." He whispered in my ear and led me to the van. Once we were both inside I curled up on his lap and took his hat yet again from his head.

"My hat E." I nuzzled against his chest and started to drift off.

"Of course it is V." He looked up at the driver. "I believe that there's someone waiting for us. Lets hurry shall we?"

"Oh the priest?" The goon driving seemed confused before pulling a map from the visor.

"What priest?" I looked up at Eddie's smug face but he just stroked my chin and covered my ears for a moment. His heart was loud against my ear but it lulled me into sleep. I was sure that he couldn't do anything if I wasn't awake and able to agree for myself. Plus I trusted him what was the worst he could do?

I was awoken from my nice nap by a pair of hands shaking me and I looked around confused trying to figure out where I was. I didn't recognize the room I was in but Edward was holding onto my hands and grinning wolfishly.

"Aren't you going to answer the question?" He pouted a little at me. "Aren't you?"

"Oh sure." I looked around to see who had asked the question and was met by a tired looking priest holding a bible. I was sure that the color drained from my face but before I could open my mouth to say anything else he slammed the bible closed and addressed us both.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride." The priest looked on waiting for the kiss so he could leave. I looked over to Edward with shock on my face but before I could slap him or run screaming from the church he pulled my lips to his and kissed me enough to make the priest blush. He excused himself and exited through a small door on the side of the room. I pulled away from Edward and slapped him. I noticed a glint on my left hand and saw that I had a simple white gold band with a green stone in the center surrounded by diamonds. I also wasn't in his coat anymore I was in a strapless green bridal dress with question marks stitched all over it.

"Don't look so surprised V. You could have always said no." He grinned wolfishly at me again.

"I didn't know we were in the middle of a marriage ceremony!" I turned to flee and saw several goons sitting in chairs behind us; some were even crying and wiping their eyes with little green handkerchiefs. Each goon was wearing green and had question marks somewhere on their outfits. I looked back at Edward but he didn't look as though he knew what he did wrong.

"I thought you wanted this V." He gave me a pout before pulling me against him. He had cleaned up and smiled at me in a way that made me melt a little inside.

"You had me marry you while I was unconscious. That doesn't seem exactly legal…or binding." I pulled his hat from his head and shook it at him.

"Oh V you signed everything so it is exactly legal and binding. My little riddle queen." He picked me up bridal style and carried me out of the room as the goons stood up and started chucking handfuls of rice at us. I squirmed around in his grasp as he took me outside to a green limo idling in the drive. It was decorated with 'Just Married' painted on most of the windows and had a line of batman dolls tied to drag behind the car. Many of them were tied with little nooses.

"How long have you had this planned Edward?" _Where the hell did you get a green limo and time to plan all this?_ He slid into the back of the limo and held me on his lap, a bottle of champagne was already open and waiting and two glasses stood half full on a small table inside.

"Oh I had this lined up and in waiting from the first day you came to clean my room." He smirked and took a sip of the champagne before handing me a glass and intertwining my arms. "Now lets go enjoy our honeymoon…Mrs. Nigma."

"Oh god Edward what have you done?" He lifted the champagne to my lips and we both took a swig before the limo started moving.

"Oh I've got myself the prize V. Now lets go celebrate our new lives together, before anyone unpleasant decides to show up." He held onto me as the limo stopped for a light but the doors on either side opened up and two very bloody and pissed off men stepped inside before slamming the doors shut.

"Well isn't this a pretty picture." Joker reclined on the seat across from us, his arms crossed and a scowl on his futures. He was wearing another one of his suits but it seemed singed on the edges. The smell of gasoline permeated the limo and made my eyes water.

"**Stealing from us now Edward. Oh you shall taste so much fear.**" Jonathan was wearing a black suit and had his glasses were broken and sitting askew on his face. One sleeve was torn and I could see what looked like a gunshot wound bleeding freely. His lip was busted and I could see blood on his teeth while he spoke.

"Sorry to ruin all your fun boys, but you're a little late for the reception." Edward sipped his champagne and pushed a button on the side near the bottle, two barrels lowered from the ceiling and pointed at the duo. "Now how are you going to steal away my bride if you're dead?"

"**She's not your bride Nigma.**" Crow was seething and I wanted to crawl onto his lap and hide. Edwards arm was like steel holding me to him so I couldn't leap to his arms.

"Oh but she is. Signed the paper and everything." He sat there smug before both Joker and Crane pulled slips of paper from their jackets and held them out for him to see.

"You see Eddie," Joker licked his scars and smirked. "The last time our little V was passed out we all took our turns having her sign these legally binding documents."

"That's impossible! V is mine you're papers are worth nothing!" He threw the glass of champagne at Joker who caught it and took a swig.

"Actually it was quite easy. No one would dare dispute them." Jonathan was back out and my head was swimming.

"Wait a damn second!" All three men were staring at me now. "When the hell did I sign three marriage certificates?" I was seeing red and that bottle of bubbly was looking like a good weapon right about now.

"Remember when you were passed out in the med ward of Arkham and all three of us were chained up in your little room?" Joker's smile was a mile wide.

"Yea." I eyed him warily.

"We weren't as restrained as everyone thought." He grinned before finishing off the glass of champagne and waving it in Edward's direction. "Another glass for the new husband?"

My head was hurting and I felt like strangling everyone in the back of the limo, maybe even the driver. I grabbed the bottle of champagne but before I could lunge off Edwards lap and start my killing spree Jonathan grabbed it from me and took a big swig.

"**Relax V, after all we're all on our honeymoon now.**" He grinned refilled Joker's glass before leaning forward to fill Edwards.

"This is insane." My voice sounded soft and I felt like curling up and hiding somewhere.

"Aren't we all?" Joker just smiled before relaxing in the seat and sipping more of the bubbly champagne.


	21. This Can't be Legal

Housekeeping

Okay I'm taking liberties with scarecrow...just sit back and enjoy the new and improved P.O.V cams! And for those asking I did not abduct M. Night Shyamalan. I own nothing but my own mind and V. Enjoy.

_Thinking_

**Sexy Scarecrow Voice**

Speaking

Chapter 21: This can't be legal

* * *

I managed to pry myself off of Edwards lap and sat in the corner of the limo with my head in my hands. This couldn't be true could it? Married to all three rogues? How could all three certificates be validated?

"I think we broke Mrs. J again." Joker chuckled and sipped more champagne. He pulled a pocket watch from the depths of his coat and clicked it open. "We're running late. Now what in the world could have made you two run behind for so long now?" He glared at Edward who just slipped a giant smile on his face.

"Oh we just took the time to consummate our marriage in a very interesting way." Edward pulled another bottle of champagne from the mini fridge and popped it open. I watched him take a swig and recline in his chair as if this was a normal day for him.

"She was our first." Crane took a big chug of his bottle before inspecting the wound in his shoulder. "Didn't have to shoot me though, V's going to ruin her dress when I steal her away later."

"How the hell did all three of you get legal marriage certificates? Seriously!" I snapped my head up and glared at all three of them. "How can I be married to three men at once?"

"Relax Mrs. J. Honestly does it matter that you've got all three of us after you?" Joker leaned forward and grabbed me, dragging me onto his lap and holding me down.

"Let me go Joker." I tried to pry his hand off me but he just laughed and forced some of his drink down my throat. I choked on the bubbly liquid and wanted to smash his face with the glass. I was quickly developing quite the anger issues. Why didn't I just take the job cleaning hotels and buy a cat? Cat's don't do dastardly things like this.

"Stop fighting it. True I'm not a big fan of sharing but I'd like to say that I've invested in my stock wisely." His hand cupped me through my dress making the other two men growl at him.

"Hands off clown!" Edward tried to pull me off Joker's lap and I was in yet another tug of war match. "V is my wife. Stop putting your grubby paws all over her!"

"Guys stop it you're hurting me!" My arms felt like they were being ripped from their sockets. I could feel myself bruising from the force of their fingers digging into my flesh. The tug of war match stopped when a bottle crashed over Joker's head and I was pulled into the lap of a pissed off Scarecrow who cradled my face against his chest.

"**That's it; I'm going to kill you two now. Screw the agreement you hurt our V and all bet's are off.**" He was slurring his words a bit and I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"What agreement?" I pulled myself from his chest and looked up at his face. "Jonathan tell me what the hell is going on or I swear I will throw myself from this moving limo right now."

"V calm down." He fisted his fingers into my hair and pulled my face to his. His lips inches from mine. It looked like he was about to speak but Edward beat him to it.

"It started out as a plan to save you but then we all couldn't decide who should keep you. We all love you and decided to try and share for once." He sat glumly in his chair and played with his hat which was now hanging between his hands. "I wanted you to myself V. I want a house full of little riddle babies running around with my hair and your eyes."

"She'll be having little scarecrow babies with her hair and my eyes." Jonathan was glaring at Edward. He tucked my head under his chin and started rubbing my back softly. I felt betrayed; they plotted this whole thing up without thinking about me at all. This was the most selfish things I'd ever had anyone do to me. Next thing they'd be telling me that I was carrying all of their children and this was a plot to create an army of little rogues.

"Oh shut up both of you. I don't care what our kids look like but I know she's going to have at least eight of mine." Joker was pressing his hand against his bleeding head and looking almost dejected.

"And when did this agreement take place? Before or after you all took liberties with my name and marriage." I was stuck between seething and crying. I wanted to run away and hide where no one could find me.

"It's not like that V. We all agreed to marry you because we need you. You complete us." Edward looked up at me and set his hat back atop his head. "You keep Joker from being too violent, you keep me from losing my mind trying to destroy the batman and you keep Cranes libido in check. That and the whole destroying the world with his fear toxin plot getting put on hold."

"Hey I'm still violent, you saw what I did to Dent and that little fling of his didn't you?" Joker scowled and kicked at Edward. "I'm still the same guy as ever, no woman's going to change that."

"Everyone shut up, you're making her cry." Jonathan's voice was soft and I stared off into nothing, not wanting to face anyone. The ride was silent until the limo stopped and we all slipped out into the darkened world. Joker pulled me away from the others and carried me over the threshold of yet another warehouse apartment. I didn't take the time to look around at anything. I really wanted to be alone for awhile. I hung limply in his grasp, not feeling entirely myself.

"Now here's our room Mrs. J." Joker set me down on the bed and I stared at the floor. "I'm gonna go make sure we're all stocked up so just play nice." He tried to stroke my cheek but I pulled away and he recoiled as if I'd hit him. I heard him stomp out of the room and slam the door. I stood up and locked it behind him and slid the heaviest dresser I could against the door so no one could get back in. The room was windowless so I couldn't escape either. I curled up on the bed and tried not to lose myself as I felt torn apart from the inside. Even though the world was spinning around me I could almost feel something wrap around my body and hold me close. I felt safer and just let the tears flow.

Joker Vision

This just wouldn't do. V was mine and I planned on proving my point as soon as the two little pansy boys were out of the picture. She wouldn't even let me touch her after the little heart to heart in the limo.

"Joker where did you put my wife?" Edward rushed over and pointed his cane at me. As if that little stick could do anything to me.

"My woman riddles. Go fuck that cane and leave me alone." I wanted to blow something up. Maybe some fireworks could brighten her day. Edward tried to smack me with his stick so I grabbed it and smashed him over the head with it. He crumpled to the ground in a heap and I just stepped over him. Crane was smart enough to keep his distance as I pulled a knife from my pocket and fingered the blade. I needed to go release some tension, seeing V cry made me feel all weird and squishy inside. "I'll be back later, no one touches my woman."

Nigma Vision

I was seething. That pig of a clown took my woman from me, MINE! I had a whole evening planned to woo her into my bed again. Dinner, movies, glowing trophies just for her. I pulled my cane from its compartment in the limo before following everyone inside. It hurt seeing V cry, every time. True maybe I should have woken her up at the beginning of the ceremony but I couldn't risk her leaving me. Something about that woman made me feel alive. Before long he'd have her prancing around in face paint and horrible clothing choices. I saw him leave his room and heard the click of a lock and the dragging of furniture.

"Joker where did you put my wife?" I wanted V in my arms as I stroked her hair and made her feel safe again. I pointed my cane at the clown and prepared to shoot some sleeping gas at him.

"My woman riddles. Go fuck that cane and leave me alone." He had the nerve to growl at me. ME! If it weren't for my ingenious planning V could be dead or in the arms of the Batman. I saved her; I broke out of Arkham for her. I told Joker which generators to switch off to free us. He deserves to hurt the way I hurt watching V fall apart. I tried to smack him with my cane but the bastard wrenched it from my grip with his Neanderthal grip and I was soon falling into darkness.

Jonathan vision

"I'll be back later, no one touches my woman." Joker had the nerve to toss my V into his room. At least she was smart enough to barricade herself inside. I could feel Scarecrow breathing down my neck; he's been up in arms since V disappeared. And to top it all off Edward had the nerve to force her into a ceremony. We had all agreed that we'd keep this to ourselves, nothing to push her over the edge.

"**I'm gonna go check up on our woman Johnnie boy. Get yourself patched up. You're bleeding all over and I can't save V if you die.**" I saw his dark form drift off towards the door as I inspected my shoulder. Joker's bullet went straight though so I should heal properly. Just need to stop the bleeding. I walked past Edward's prone form and into my little study, shutting the door behind me. This coat was ruined anyways. I stripped the coat and shirt off before inspecting the damage again in the light. No stitches needed thankfully.

"Now where did I leave those bandages?" I adjusted my broken glasses as I pulled a box of first aid supplies from one of the drawers of my desk. I was use to bandaging myself up so it didn't take that long at all. Moving my arm a bit I relaxed knowing that I still had enough mobility to fight my way out of a corner if needed. I had a few stashes of fear toxin lying around that I could use. Now I just needed V to stay calm and I'd get her away from all this madness. Maybe I'd get a teaching job somewhere far away from the Batman and…who am I kidding. I needed to hear the screams, needed the fear. I'll keep V out of my work life and make sure she's safe. But then again maybe she'd like to stay at my side, wear my colors. I could just imagine her wearing nothing but my burlap mask, crawling over the bed towards me. I stopped and rubbed my eyes, I needed to focus.

Scarecrow vision

I didn't like how things were turning out. After spending all that time following her around the asylum then watching her sleep, I wanted her all to myself. I wanted to lock her away where only I could touch her, but the way she felt under Jonathan's body was too good to ignore. I would share her for now. I'd longed to hear her scream but when she did the sound felt flat in my ears. I didn't want her to scream in fear, this wasn't like me. I spent day after day following her around, the asylum, her home, that supermarket she walks aimlessly around. This woman was mine and I wasn't going to let anyone, let alone two costumed freaks, take her away from me…us.

After exiting that horrible lime limo I watched as the clown grabbed and carried her off like some beast with its kill. My time would come and when it did I would touch her with my own hands, make her scream my name with my own body. It will be glorious.

"I'll be back later, no one touches my woman." The clown was leaving, finally. He would be a tough one to dispose of; Jonathan's fear gas didn't affect him like the others. I could feel the gears in my straw mind clanking together trying to formulate a way to end him. I needed to be close to her, to touch her. My mind was made up, leaning against Jonathan I got his attention.

"I'm gonna go check up on our woman Johnnie boy. Get yourself patched up. You're bleeding all over and I can't save V if you die." I could feel the chills running up his spine at my voice,I loved it. Even though I was tied to him I could still own him if I wanted. Now all I wanted was the red head in the other room. Priorities shift, plans change but a woman screaming and writhing under you lasts forever. I drifted over to the door and slipped into the room. Having no body tended to have its advantages. She was curled up on the bed and I could feel the pain radiating off her body. I didn't like it. I wanted her by my side as the world burned and screamed at the power of its own fear. I wanted a true form but I would wait. I curled my cold body around her own almost wishing she could feel me. I always had power over Jonathan but now he had something to hold over my head, and she tasted amazing.


	22. This is Getting Kind of Creepy

Housekeeping

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. And until someone complains I'm throwing in more POV cams. This chapter is due to my addiction to MR. Pibb and oh so sexy rogues. Enjoy!

_Thinking_

**Sexy Scarecrow Voice**

Speaking

Chapter 22: Things are getting creepy

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V Cam

I woke up on Jokers bed and thankfully it was absent of Joker. I still felt a cold chill wrapped around my body so I got up and stumbled to the bathroom, a hot shower would help me calm down. Rubbing my arms I started the water and shut the door behind me. I stripped and climbed into the bliss of warm water. I used Jokers shampoo and it burned like hell but I just assumed that it was specially made for his hair. I started to wash my body when that cold chill surrounded my body again. I turned the heat up on the water but it still remained. I shivered and looked around for a draft, which was weird seeing as the bathroom was steaming from the heat.

"This is getting kinda creepy." I went back to scrubbing my body and the chill grew stronger around my chest and hips. It was almost like someone was holding me but I shook it off. I was alone in here and probably getting paranoid. It wasn't until the chill started drifting lower that I finally snapped. "Oh my god! Stop touching me and get the hell out!" I threw the washcloth at the open air behind me and suddenly the shower almost seemed too hot. I peeked out of the shower and looked around. Maybe I was going crazy.

Scarecrow Cam

She finally stopped crying and got a full nights rest. I could almost feel her relaxing against me as she slept. I imagined curling up with her upon the bodies of our fallen victims and my tongue licked my ragged lips. I was lost in thought when I felt her shift and pull herself out of the bed. She was going to take a shower. Oh I loved it when she bathed, all the soap and silky pale skin. I wanted to jump into Jonathan's body and break down the door. Instead I followed her into the bathroom and watched her strip for me. I would never tire of that, each layer of shed clothing made me creep ever closer to her.

She washed her hair with the infernal clowns shampoo and I frowned seeing the results. This just wouldn't do. I climbed into the shower with her and wrapped once more around her body and that's when things started to get…weird.

She shivered in my embrace and I could feel the goosebumps on her flesh. She even turned the water heat up as if it would help her. I rested my arms around her chest and hips and pressed up against her back. Could she feel me? She went back to bathing and I almost brushed it off as a coincidence until my hand drifted lower. I wanted to feel her again and she froze just before my hand could get to its goal.

"Oh my god! Stop touching me and get the hell out!" She jumped around and threw her cleaning cloth at me. My mouth opened in shock. No one talks to the Scarecrow like that. I wanted to punish her before it dawned on me. She had felt my touch. Judging by the way her eyes were darting around she couldn't see me though, this was getting interesting. I needed to get a second opinion on the matter and I left her to bathe in peace.

Edward Cam

I awoke sometime during the night in my own pool of blood. I groaned and pulled myself into a sitting position. These clothes were ruined; I wanted to keep them as a memento of my marriage to V. I smiled to myself at the thought, she was now and forever Mrs. Victoria Nigma. I would just have to get the other two men out of her life and we could focus on starting a family, oh how I was looking forward to that. Joker's door was still closed and I didn't see any signs of forced entry so I was hoping that he hadn't returned yet. Oh my poor V.

The room was spinning as I made my way to my feet, grabbing my cane I steadied myself and limped to my room. I couldn't let V see me like this, she would cry. Wincing as I probed the wound it didn't seem too severe. I needed a shower and a fresh set of clothing. Then I would start planning on how to woo back my dear wife's heart and bring her back to the safety of my bed.

"Oh my god! Stop touching me and get the hell out!" V's screams woke me from my sleep and I sat up quickly. My vision spun but my V needed me! I quickly slipped on a pair of boxers and grabbed my cane. I would break down the damn door if I needed to, Joker must be molesting my baby. I couldn't have that! Oh no Joker would suffer.

Jonathan Cam

Oh the sweet peace of an uninterrupted sleep. I couldn't remember the last time I woke up feeling so refreshed. Usually Scarecrow kept me up most of the night whispering in my ear. Wait. Where was that bag of straw anyways? He usually never stays away from me this long, could I be slipping back into sanity?

"Oh my god! Stop touching me and leave me the hell alone!" V's scream tore me from my bed. The pain from my wound was pushed to the back of my mind as I rushed to my door. Just before I could fling it open and rush to my woman's aide a familiar voice pulled me back.

"**Oh relax Johnnie boy, she was screaming at me.**" My head snapped to the left to see the dark form of Scarecrow leaning against my desk. His straw hat was tipped down to cover his face.

"What did you do?" If he so much as bent a hair on her head I would find a way to hurt him. But then his words sank in, she was screaming at him. At him, as if he were a physical body.

"**She can feel me Johnnie. How does that make you feel?**" His mouth broke into a ragged grin and I was speechless. He could touch _my_ V? That shouldn't be possible; he was part of my psyche, my sick and twisted little mind. The thought of him jumping to her sent chills up my spine, what would he do to her?

"Stay away from her Scarecrow." My words held venom but he just laughed and looked up at me with his empty eyes. He opened his mouth to speak and a crow flew out. Not again, not yet. I needed to get to V she needed me not him.

"**Time for a shift Johnnie boy. I'm driving.**" His laugh chilled my bones and he jumped into my flesh like a well worn glove. I could accept him as part of myself but when it came to V all bets were off.

Back to V cam

Even after washing out that shampoo my scalp was tingling. I got out of the shower and wrapped a big fluffy towel around my body. I heard a frantic pounding on the door and I wondered what was wrong. Before I could rush to see what was going on I caught my reflection in the mirror. I nearly fainted, my red hair was gone. Every bit of red hair was gone and replaced with Joker Green. My jaw dropped and I tugged a bit at my hair in shock.

"Oh god no. Please tell me I slipped back into a coma and am dreaming all this." I pinched myself and winced at the pain. I was awake and I didn't know how long my hair would stay like this. My eyes were tearing up from anger and I hurried to pull the dresser from the door. Before I could unlock the door, the locks clicked open by themselves and a frantic Edward burst into the room wearing nothing but his boxers.

"Where is he?" He was brandishing his cane and froze when he saw me. "Oh god V. What did that monster do to you?" He took a stand of my damp hair and rolled it in his fingers. I saw his gaze harden as he looked towards the bathroom as if expecting Joker to waltz out at any moment.

"He's not here Edward. I freaked out in the shower, there was no one there." I frowned still wondering where that cold feeling had come from. "I used some of Joker's shampoo; I really hope this isn't permanent." His hands were rubbing my arms and I relaxed a little, I missed his touch.

"Oh my poor little V. I should have known that, that cad would leave such a dastardly trick behind to try and mark you. But not to worry for green is my color." He pulled me into his arms and I held him. I still hoped that this wasn't permanent and I would get my red hair back soon.

"Just don't start drawing question marks on my body and I think I'll be okay." He was so warm and smelled like something sexy. I couldn't stay mad at him and I sighed nuzzling against his neck. Edward was so adorable.

"Oh I can't promise that V but I will try to restrain myself." I heard the smirk in his voice as his hands crept from my back down towards my ass.

"You know I really wanna get back at Joker for this." I smirked as a plan popped into my head, it involved a giant hammer and some explosives.

"Oh and how would you like me to hurt him my love?" I saw Edwards eyes light up as he slid his can around me to pull me closer to his body. "Oh I do have an idea." His grin grew and he pushed me back towards Jokers bed. Just as he pushed me down onto the bed and crawled atop of me a growl came from the door.

"**Get off our woman Riddles**." Jonathan was standing there and I could see Scarecrow seething behind his eyes.

"I'm a little busy here." Edward narrowed his eyes and one of his hands tightened around his cane. I moved to sit up and the towel popped open exposing my chest to the world.

"**That wasn't a suggestion Edward**." His eyes dropped to my chest and I heard him groan. He didn't seem surprised that my hair was green and I wondered if he had anything to do with it.

"Notice anything odd Jonathan?" I wanted to pull my towel closed but Edward had shoved his face in my cleavage and was nuzzling around like a hungry baby. My whole body felt like it was blushing.

"**Well for starters you don't have the right man atop of you.**" He strode into the room and grabbed Edward by the hair pulling him from my chest.

"Let go bird boy. This is my wife and I can do what I please with her!" Edward swung around and smacked Jonathan upside the head with his cane. He seemed pleased to have actually hit him. I moved to grab my towel but before I could roll out of the way Jonathan had jumped on top of Edward and they were wrestling over top of me.

"Ahh be careful!" I squirmed out of the way of Edwards cane and tried to pry them apart.

"**I'll end you riddle boy.**" Scarecrow was baring his teeth and actually bit Edward on the arm as he dodged a punch.

"Gah I need a rabies shot now you, you rabid beast. I shall never let you have my bride! Never!" Edward struggled and I was flung onto my stomach with him on my back. I tried to pull myself away but they were now grappling over me. Jonathan's waist was in my face and Edward was pressed against my back.

"Guys stop don't hurt me!" I squealed and they both froze and looked down as if noticing me for the first time. I looked up and glared at both of them but they both just smirked. "Guys?"

"Oh my dear V I think we can have some fun after all." Edward pulled me up so my back was against his chest.

"**We would never hurt our V.**" Scarecrow pulled my towel away and I squirmed in Edwards grip.

* * *

(Ok prepare for some sleep deprived fun…or skip it if you're a prudish pat)

"Guys?" I looked from Edward to Jonathan and it seemed like they had changed plans from fighting to something else entirely.

"Oh don't worry my love we'll be gentle." Edward pulled my hair from my neck and began kissing along the exposed flesh making me shiver.

"**We do need to work on our sharing.**" Jonathan's lips crashed against my own and his hands wandered my body. I was fighting a losing battle with the urge to fight with both sets of rogue's hands wandering my flesh. I felt Jonathan pull me back until he was reclining on the bed and Edward leaned more onto my back, spreading my legs with his.

I was in a battle with Jonathan's tongue and I wrapped one of my arms around his shoulder to fist my hand into his hair. Edward's hands were driving me crazy as they dipped lower and lower. I accidentally bit Jonathan's lip as Edwards fingers slipped into me and I whimpered. Jonathan's hands pulled me against him and his bloody kisses became more insistent. His free hand slid mine down his chest to the bulge in the front of his boxers.

I started stroking Jonathan in time with Edward's fingers in me. This was a new experience for me and I trusted both these men. I heard a rustle of fabric behind me before Edward plunged his full length into me with a groan.

"Oh god V. Mine all mine." His fingers dug into my hips as he kissed along my back. I moaned as he started pumping in and out of me and I stroked Jonathan with more vigor.

"**Just like that V, oh yes just like that.**" I started kissing down Jonathan's chest still stroking him through his boxers. I wanted more. I pulled him free and started licking him like a popsicle and he cried out, digging his hands into my hair and thrusting against my face. I took the hint and shoved his length in my mouth using my tongue to make his eyes roll back into his head.

Edward's pace quickened and hit a spot in me that made me moan loud against Jonathan's length. He forced my head down onto the full length of him as his body shook.

"**V we're gonna…**" He came in my mouth and I took it all in. As I was licking him clean Edward hit that spot again and I came so hard I was shaking.

"V oh god Daddies gonna blow." He pounded me hard and deep as he came before lightly biting my shoulder. "Oh V I love you."

"**Time to switch.**" Jonathan flipped Edward off my back and took his place. Edward pulled me into a kiss before I could protest. He was kissing me breathless I almost forgot about Jonathan until he pulled me back onto his length. "**Oh this is ours.**"

"Don't get too comfortable bird boy, that's riddle property." Edward glared at Jonathan and I slid down his body and took him in my mouth before they could start fighting again. Edward's eyes rolled back into his head and Jonathan began thrusting as if he were trying to brand me inside. I used my tongue and hands on Edward as Jonathan ground out a heavy pace inside me. All too soon we all came and I collapsed onto Edward's lap.

(Ok go take a shower or three)

* * *

Edward pulled me up to rest my head on his shoulder as Jonathan collapsed onto my back. We resembled a sandwich at this point and I was sure none of us could move. My hips were sore and I was sure that Jonathan's nails had broken my skin and made me bleed. My body was humming and my brains nearly melted with the experience. I could feel both their hearts thrumming inside their chests and I wrapped my arms around Edward.

"**She's still ours you know. This changes nothing Riddles.**" I wondered if Jonathan had gotten anything out of this or if Scarecrow had taken it all for himself. I nuzzled against Edwards chest and he groaned before stroking my hair.

"She's my wife bird boy and future mother to my children." Edward sounded drowsy and I saw he could barely keep his eyes open. I was so tired that I started drifting off myself. I felt a shift as Scarecrow slipped off my back and to the other side of me. I was snuggled in between two very sweaty and satisfied men. Just before I finally was consumed by sleep I felt Jonathan's arms wrap around my waist and his face nuzzle into my back.

Joker Cam

I hope the little Mrs appreciates this gesture. I couldn't find anything to blow up as the bat and his little bird toy were out like ants on a picnic. I hid in the library for awhile and held a few hostages with nothing but a pencil. Oh how I love that disappearing pencil trick. While one of the pitiful fools was begging for his life he dropped a book on how to woo the woman of your dreams. It scuffed my shoe so I spent a full ten minutes giving him the 'do you wanna know how I got these scars?' speech and left him bleeding and dead. Not a drop of blood on my suit either, I'm that good. I leafed through the book he dropped and wondered if women actually fell for these kinds of things.

I naturally couldn't leave any witnesses knowing that I actually read a book, let alone one on how to woo a woman. Oh the fun I had, with the screaming and the blood. It made me giggle inside. Slipping said book into my vest for safe keeping I stopped by a florists shop and broke in. I wasn't sure what Mrs. J liked so I picked a bit of everything. I even took a few boxes of those expensive chocolates they keep behind the counter. I had better as hell get some tail for this. Maybe I could tie her up and…well I'd get to that part later.

Stealing a taxi was the easy part, getting home without the bat noticing something's wrong…well that's a whole other can of beans. I picked up a few poor souls looking for a ride and well they got the ride of their lives. At least until I shoved them in the trunk and let the car coast into the river. I strutted home with my flowers and candy and a few sweet words that were sure as hell bound to drop some panties. Maybe I should have gotten some edible ones on the way back? Too late for that now.

It was too quiet when I finally got home and I didn't like it. Not. One. Bit. The door to my room was open and I cautiously crept to it. Had my woman been stolen by the batman again? Were Riddles and Straw Boy back in Arkham? My eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw the scene splayed out on my bed in all its naked glory. Mrs. J had dyed her hair green for me! It must have been too much for the others and they had taken turns with my woman.

"Oh I'm going to do some stabbing tonight." I threw the flowers and candy on the floor and glared at the two men who took liberties with my wife. They even had the nerve to do it on my bed. Oh once they were gone it would be time to punish Mrs. J. Even if she had dyed her hair just for me there would be hell to pay. I would make damn sure that she wouldn't be able to walk for a week. Maybe even two.


	23. Stabbings and the Invisible Man

Housekeeping

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Joker kinda went on a rampage and destroyed all the POV Cams so they're gonna be mia for awhile. And this chapter may scare small children, read with caution. Enjoy though!

_Thinking_

**Sexy Scarecrow Voice**

Speaking

Chapter 23: Stabbings and the Invisible Man

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I was oh so comfy between the two men who were radiating heat like a furnace. My body was aching and tired but I was content. At least I was until something grabbed my ankle with near bone breaking force and started pulling me off the bed. I woke up screaming as I was flung out of the room. I landed roughly on the cold floor outside. I looked up just in time to see Joker slamming the door. I heard the locks click and fear spread throughout my whole body. Edward and Jonathan were naked and practically comatose from our play earlier.

"Joker don't hurt them!" I managed to get to my feet and begin banging on the door with all my might. I was sure that he was going to kill both of them and then probably do something horrible to me. I looked at the lock and whined not knowing if I had any clothes at all that I could pull wire from. The other side of the door was silent and I pushed away from it to try and find some help.

Walking was probably a bad idea as I ended up waddling like a penguin and blushing as red as my hair used to be. I searched Edwards and Jonathan's rooms and didn't find any of my clothes. I ended up putting on a pair of Jonathan's boxers and one of Edward's vests for support. I was sure that the buttons were about to explode off the tight vest but I would worry about that later. I made my way to the kitchen and looked through the drawers hoping that there was a key lying about.

"If he hurts them I'll…I'll." I didn't know what I would do. I hugged my arms to myself and shook for a moment hating how helpless I felt. I had no one at all to help me. Something poked at the back of my mind and I thought back to the shower where I could have sworn that someone had been touching me. Did we have a ghost? Could he help me?

"Is anyone here that can help me? Mr. Ghost?" I whined not caring if I looked or sounded crazy right then. Joker had looked like he was in a stabbing mood and I wouldn't be responsible for the deaths of any of the men I loved. After a few moments of nothing I slammed my hand down against the counter and cried out as I felt something pop. I held my hand to my chest and bit my lip. _Oh my god I think I just broke my hand!_

"Guys I think I'm hurt." I called out but the door didn't open, no one came rushing out to help me. Cradling my hand against my chest I made my way back to the door and listened hoping that I wouldn't hear any death rattles or stabbing. It was still silent. I was just about to give in and try to create a make shift bat signal when I felt something cold wrap around my injured hand. I quickly turned around but no one was there. I winced as the bones in my hand shifted before the coldness wrapped around my body as if it was holding me.

"Um Mr. Ghost?" I was kinda freaking out at that point. We had a freaking ghost in our new place and Joker was probably adding two more to the mix. I could almost make out the individual fingers on the ghostly hands as they slid up and down my arms in an almost comforting way. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up when I felt puffs of cold air hitting my skin. The ghost was breathing on me.

"Can you help me?" My voice came out in a squeak, I was terrified. The ghostly hands slid to my injured one again and the coldness seemed to dull the pain. My eyes still looked around trying desperately to see what kind of creature was helping me. I couldn't even make out a squiggle of difference in the air around me. After a moment of rubbing my hand I was being pulled towards Jonathan's room. I stumbled along after the coldness and stopped once I was in the middle of the room. I looked around wondering what it wanted me to find.

A sudden soft laughing made my head snap to the left and all I saw was a desk with papers on it. I was about to run out the door and beg Batman or even his little Robin to save me. Wait…no I'd still rather lick Joker then do that. I cautiously stepped towards where I heard the laughing and looked around. The laughing was right next to my ear and I jumped again, hitting my hip against the hard wood of the desk.

"Will you stop that? Seriously I'm hurt and you're just making it worse!" Tears were swimming in my eyes as I rubbed my now bruised hip. The laughing stopped and a cold hand started tracing my bruise. The pain dulled and my heart sped up. "What did you want me in here for anyways? My men are probably dying in that room and you've got me all the way over here!" Probably not the best idea to piss off a ghost but I was desperate. "And quit laughing at me it's creepy as hell." I tried to make an angry face but I probably looked like I was high because that laughing was back. I felt cold fingers latch around my wrist and lead my hand across the desk to one of the drawers. I opened it up and found a canister of Jonathan's fear gas.

"How the hell is this going to help me get them out?" I waved the canister around hoping for an answer. Instead I heard a soft hiss and I looked down at my hand. Really bad timing on my part because it discharged a large cloud of white powder in my face and I began coughing and rushing out of the room. I dropped the canister and tried to bring some air into my lungs. The world was spinning and warping around me and I could feel myself shaking.

"**Finally got you all to myself**." A voice called from across the room. My head snapped up but I didn't see anyone there. The floor was warping into an almost liquid state and the couch was rotting and spilling thousands of beetles across the floor. The sounds of their feet scraping against the polished wooden floor made my skin crawl. I whimpered and backed myself up against the wall as a creature pulled itself up out of the floor and stared at me.

It was as tall as Jonathan but lanky almost inhuman. A tall straw brimmed hat obscured its features but I could make out straw sticking out from its neck. What looked like a hangman's noose dangled like a necklace around its thin neck. It was dressed in an old ragged red shirt and brown pants. It was far too thin to be human and straw was leaking out from the cuffs of both its pants and its shirt. Long almost talon like fingers slid from the cuffs of the shirt and stretched as if they'd been cramped into a small space for far too long. I saw a pair of scuffed brown shoes slide out from the pant legs. Straw was falling to the floor making small piles around the body. I should have been afraid but I was more curious then anything. This was the creature living in Jonathan's head. It had to be.

"**Now don't scream just yet. I want some time with my new squeeze**." It laughed and the sound was hollow and had en edge to it like the sound of nails on a chalkboard. Ever so slowly it moved one of its hands up to raise the brim of the hat and expose its face. Its mouth was ragged and still had bits of string sticking out from the lips where it had been cut into the burlap. I didn't see a nose but there were two gaping chasms where its eyes should be. They were almost black and it looked like fire was burning in his eyes. The dark fire that I recognized in Jonathan. He just smiled showed a row of sharp blackened teeth.

"You're Scarecrow?" My vision went red around the edges and my hands were clawing at the bugs crawling over my flesh. This couldn't be real but I felt everything, the pain from the bugs biting me, the pain of my fingers clawing at my flesh. My heart was racing so painfully fast I was afraid I was about to die. I wasn't going to give up though, I was going to fight.

"**Not just any Scarecrow my pet. I'm ****the**** Scarecrow in the flesh**." He looked down and poked his ragged clothing. "**So to speak**." He laughed and lifted the shirt up off his body showing an almost emaciated rib cage bruised and stitched as if he'd had an autopsy. Straw was sticking out of the wound and he pulled some out, a black tar like substance dripping from its tips. He dropped the straw and looked up at me, grinning in a way that made his mouth take up most of his face. My legs gave out on me and I slid down to the floor as the beetles swarmed over my legs biting and clawing at my flesh.

"You're not real, you can't be real. You're just part of Jonathan's head. He created you." I was now freezing this fear toxin was really strong. All the heat was being pulled from my bones and I felt like I was dying.

"**Oh I'm real. Now calm yourself child, don't want you do die on me.**" He strode over and pulled me to my feet, his hands burning as hot as fire. He smelled like freshly cut straw with a bit of burned flesh thrown in for flavor. I was pushed up against the wall and his hands slowly moved from my neck down to my hip where my bruise was. He pushed against it roughly making me squeak. "**Oh does it hurt? I can take the pain away if you want me to. All of the pain.**" He pressed against me and his tongue slid from his mouth against the flesh of my neck. It was inhumanly long and was cold, almost like the cold of a blade cutting flesh. He groaned and his hand was now stroking my injured flesh.

"Let me go." I managed to ignore the beetles for long enough to grab his shoulders and push him back. He just laughed and looked amused. I was pushed back against the wall roughly and he stared deep into my eyes.

"**Oh I'll never let you go now. I've got your taste little V. We're going to be together until the world burns. Now don't scream. I find that I don't much like hearing you do it.**" His hand slid along my hip to the inside of my thigh and I couldn't take it anymore. I kneed him in a very sensitive place making him whimper and pull away from me. I ripped the straw hat from his head and grabbed him by his straw hair. I tried beating his head against the wall but the toxin made every move shaky. "**Oh you've got some fire in you. I like that.**" He was laughing and grabbed me by my hair and threw me to the ground near the couch. He straddled me and I kicked trying to squirm out from under him.

"**I knew there was something in you I liked. Let's see how hot your heart really burns.**" His fingers trailed across my stomach until they rested just above my heart. I felt a pinch and then a burning pain as two of his fingers started disappearing into my skin. His finger pushed right into my heart and pain radiated throughout my body. I grabbed his hand and tried to pull it free while I thrashed around trying to get him off of me. Suddenly my body locked up and I couldn't move a muscle. My jaw locked shut and my vision was swimming. "**There we go. You've got a place in your heart for Johnnie boy now you'll have one for me.**" He pulled his finger from my flesh and licked the blood from it. Leaning down he smiled with his sharp blackened teeth before jamming his tongue deep into the wound and I could almost feel it wrapping around my heart. He was eating me, he had to be. I tried to fight it but he just pulled away laughing. My blood dripped off his tongue and he lifted his shirt again showing his straw and tar bleeding body.

"**Let's leave a little surprise for Johnnie boy won't we. Something to show him that you belong to me. And you will always belong to me.**" He pulled his flesh open and ripped some tar drenched straw out and held a hand full of it over me. "**This may hurt, but remember that Scarecrow loves you baby.**" He slammed his fist into my wound and my vision swam for a moment. I blinked back some tears and he was above me licking his lips.

"The hell did you do?" I punched him in the chest and my hand came back full of straw. He tried to pull it away from me but I just threw it to the side and grabbed another.

"**I just made you immune to the little toxin that Johnnie boy makes. And h****ey stop that. I can't just go to Wal-Mart and get more of that stuff you know.**" We got into a struggle as I pulled more of his straw and tar out of his chest until he flipped me away from him and began pulling the mess of straw back into his body. I sat up and rubbed my head, the room wasn't spinning anymore and the beetles were gone. Whatever he had done had taken the toxin right out of my body.

"Seriously straw boy what all did you do?" I was getting tired of being pushed around like a toy. I would probably regret this later but I tackled him to the ground and straddled him. His body felt strange under mine, too thin yet strong. I grabbed a handful of his straw hair and pulled on it.

"**Oh yea play hard with me. I love it.**" He grinned and before I could jump off of him he flipped me onto my back and leaned over me. "**Does little V wanna play? Because Big Bad Scarecrow is so turned on right now.**" His tongue slipped out of his mouth and he began licking up and down my neck. I enjoyed it when Jonathan or Edward did it but it just felt weird when he did.

"Get the hell off me." I grabbed his tongue and tugged on it until he pulled it back into his mouth with a pained whine. He left black tar all over my hand and neck and I tried rubbing it off.

"**You didn't mind it when I did it through Johnnie. Common toots you know you want me.**" He pinned my arms above my head and leaned down over my chest. His tongue slipped back out and he began popping the buttons off the vest as if they were nothing.

"That was different and you're breaking Edwards vest." I should have been screaming and trying to burn him with fire. That wouldn't hurt Jonathan would it? I cringed thinking of him getting hurt because I was trying to horribly murder his alter ego.

"**Oh shut up V. Do you know how long it took me to get to you? How long I worked to get you all to myself? I'll tell you this, it wasn't fucking easy.**" He was pouting, the big bad master of fear was pouting. I couldn't help myself, I started laughing. Oh he didn't like that. He grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me like a doll. "**The hell is so funny?**"

"What's so funny? I'm going insane. I'm talking to a figment of one of my man's personalities and he's pouting at me." I was probably going to die but just the picture of the scarecrow pouting was worth it.

"**Oh I'll give you something to shut you up.**" He crushed his ragged burlap lips against mine and I instantly shut up and tensed. I tried to pull him away but he just forced my mouth open with his freaky tongue and nearly shoved it down my throat. His hands forced my vest open and I heard the buttons flying in all directions. He pulled his mouth from mine giving me time to breathe before attacking my chest like a starving beast. He was nipping and sucking so hard at my flesh that I could feel blood being pulled through my skin. I pounded on his head and he just kept going lower and lower.

"Scarecrow stop!" He looked up at me with one hand in the boxers I was wearing. His tongue was tracing lazy patterns on my stomach pulling up feelings I didn't want to share with him. If Jonathan had a tongue like that I'd spend a month in bed with him. I couldn't stop the blush from crossing my cheeks as I tried to pull the vest closed around my chest. This guy was nuts.

"**Aww V I don't get one for the road?**" He was pouting again.

"You want a kiss?" I looked suspiciously at his attempted puppy dog eyes. He crawled back up my body and leaned over me.

* * *

(Anyone who doesn't want nightmares skip to the next bar. This is a product of half a pot of coffee and no sleep for a full day.)

"**Oh I'd love one.**" His lips crashed on mine again and I could feel his teeth grazing my tongue as he forced his into my mouth again. I squirmed under him until he ground something against me that I was sure no scarecrow should have. I grabbed his shirt and tried to strangle him with it but it just ripped away in my hands. He pulled away letting me breathe again and pulled the broken fabric from my hands. "**I thought you only wanted a kiss?**" He was smirking down at me.

"The hell did you grind against me?" I tried to scoot away but he slid down and started running his tongue along my breasts.

"**Why do you ask? Do you wanna see it?**" He looked up at me and I blinked in confusion.

"No…maybe. Get off me." I tried to push him off but he just smirked and pressed his whole body down against me.

"**Oh I'm in the mood for some show and tell. Now try not to scream, don't want anyone joining in.**" He pulled away and I kicked him in the face. He grabbed the boxers and we got into a struggling match, I slipped out of them and started to crawl away. He pulled me back to him and bit my hip.

"Let me go before…oh my god." My brain melted. There is no way in hell a human tongue should be able to do…that. The straw of his hair was scratching my inner thighs and his fingers were digging into my hips holding me into place. In a matter of seconds he had my legs shaking and stars flying past my eyes. I really should kick him in the face again but my legs were jelly and I probably resembled a fish out of water at that exact moment. He stopped and slid back up my body until we were face to face again.

"**Aww too much for you V? Cat got your...**" He didn't finish his sentence as I pulled him down by his noose and crashed my lips against his. He froze for a full second before taking advantage and kissing back. I grabbed a handful of his straw hair and pulled on it hard making him groan and writhe against me. I really must be going crazy because I was enjoying it. I really needed to lay off the rough sex with Jonathan. I heard a rustling of straw before his pants slid down his legs.

He pushed me back a few inches with the next kiss and grabbed my legs, wrapping them around his waist. The straw and tar from his stomach were dripping onto mine making me squirm under him. With one stroke he was in me and I was damn sure that wasn't made of straw. I gasped and he moaned before starting a pace that should have broken me in two. One of his arms snaked under me to raise my hips against his and the other grabbed my shoulder and held me down. His burlap lips were on mine again and his teeth cut my tongue open making him groan. His hips were smashing against mine with almost bone breaking force and I was whimpering under him trying to meet his thrusts.

His lips never left mine and we swallowed each others screams as we came. My insides felt like they were burning from the heat of it. Our bodies nearly shaking apart from the feeling. My legs were shaking as they unwrapped from his hips and he was panting for air.

(Okay you can grab your torches and pitchforks now)

* * *

"**Gods woman you'll be the death of me.**" He looked exhausted and a thin sheen of sweat was on his body. I was covered in straw and still seeing stars flying behind my eyes. "**Common V I didn't break you. Johnnie boy would kill me if I did.**" His voice was weak and shaking as he collapsed on top of me. I snapped out of my blissful haze as a cold chill swam down my spine.

"Oh god Jonathan. I was supposed to save them." My eyes went to Joker's door that was still shut tight. I tried to pull myself from Scarecrows grip but he just held on tighter and groaned.

"**Stop thrashing woman. I can barely move, how the hell does Johnnie boy keep up with you?**" His face was buried in my chest and I grabbed him by the hair and pulled his eyes to mine.

"I swear to god that if they're dead because you drugged me and humped my brains out on the floor I'll make you hurt."

"**Oh relax V. Joker's just been doing his whole 'do you wanna know how I got these scars' speech the entire time. I'd say we've got another twenty minutes before he comes back out here.**"

"Wait you knew they'd be fine the entire time?" I looked down at him and I saw red on the edges of my vision again.

"**Well yea, you think I'd let my free ride die at the hands of some clown? I've still got plans for this world I'm not throwing them away just yet.** **Now hush up and let your straw daddy relax.**" He groaned as I pushed him off me and just laid there staring at the ceiling. One of his hands rested on his chest and the other was rubbing his face as if he were trying to wake up.

"You're an ass, and I need a shower." I was covered in tar and straw and I didn't want to know how I'd get it all off. I pulled the broken vest back on and slipped into the boxers. I was going to take a shower until the water went cold and then find a way to set my new 'straw daddy' on fire. Maybe I'd even roast marshmallows.

"**Oh I'll join you as soon as I can. I just…uh…need to take a second.**" Scarecrow was trying to dress himself and failing badly. I made it two steps towards Edward's room before Joker's door burst open and all three men walked out. All eyes were on me but Jonathan was able to see the whole picture. He looked from Scarecrow to me and back again. He looked like he was about to kill somebody and was clenching his hands in rage.

"V get your ass in the shower, I'll deal with you later." His eyes were cold and I limped as fast as I could to Edward's room. Peeking out I saw Jonathan standing over the still half naked and panting Scarecrow with murder in his eyes. "I'll teach you to touch my woman crow."

"**Our woman Johnnie boy.**" He managed to get his hat on before Jonathan started kicking the hell out of him. My eyes widened in shock and I saw Edward inching his way towards his room. Joker had even backed up and was looking at the floor wondering what the hell was going on. Both he and Edward shared a look before quickly rushing back into their respective rooms.

"I think bird boy's lost his marbles V." Edward shut his door and locked it. He had a fresh set of finger marks around his neck and his hair was nearly standing on end.

"If only you knew E." I looked down at my body and shook my head. "I'm stealing your shower. I really need it."

"That's fine V. I'm just going to make sure all my locks are working." He opened his door and peeked out again. "Once Jonathan's done with kicking a hole through the floor I think we should try and get some rest. Or a sedative."

"Yea I'm sure that's just what he needs about now." I limped to the bathroom and had one of the weirdest showers of my life. Was it cheating on Jonathan to sleep with one of his split personalities? My head hurt just thinking about it.


	24. That Akward Morning After

Housekeeping

_Thoughts_

**Sexy Scarecrow Voice**

Speaking

This chapter was brought to you by the awesomeness of all my reviewers. And to you Scrambled-Dry I would love to see what you can do with a ghostly Scarecrow. Go for it, I'd love to read it.

Chapter 24: That Awkward Morning After

* * *

It took forever to scrub all the tar like substance off and out of me. I shuddered pulling straw out of places that it had no godly right to be. I looked down at my chest and I had a bruise like mark from where Scarecrow had shoved his tarry straw into me. Leaning against the side of Edward's shower I let the warm water wrap around my body as I tried to relax. How the hell could I look Jonathan in the eyes after…that. My head was hurting just from trying to wrap my thoughts around it.

"V you've been in here awhile are you alright?" Edward walked into the bathroom and peeked into the shower.

"I hope so Eddie." I brushed some of my wet green hair from my eyes and I heard the rustle of the shower curtain. Two strong arms wrapped around me and I turned to bury my face in his chest.

"I'm here my little riddle queen." He rested his chin on my head and softly stroked my back. We stood there until the water got cold then he wrapped a towel around me and carried me to the bed. I was asleep before he even pulled the covers over my body. I was exhausted.

I woke up so warm and toasty. I opened my eyes and saw that I was on Edward's chest and he was breathing deeply still asleep. I turned to see who was snuggled into my back and saw that Joker and he was actually snuggling me. His arms were wrapped tightly around my middle and he'd even taken his makeup off, that or rubbed it all over my back during the night. Ever so slowly I wiggled out of both their grips and snuck into the bathroom. Checking in the mirror I was surprised to see that I wasn't covered in makeup.

Creeping out of the bathroom I slipped into a pair of Edward's boxers and another one of his vests. I really needed to get some clothing for myself. I don't know how neither of them woke up but I slipped out of the room and hoped I didn't find Jonathan sitting in a corner foaming at the mouth.

His room was unlocked and he was sleeping peacefully in his bed. I didn't see Scarecrow anywhere and relaxed a bit. Maybe I wouldn't see him again. I really hoped that Jonathan didn't hate me as I slipped into his bed and wrapped my arms around him from behind. His whole body froze and I felt him snap wide awake. He spun around and pinned me down before relaxing.

"V what the hell are you doing in here." Oh he was angry. So much for going back to sleep.

"You're still mad at me aren't you?" I gave him my best puppy dog eyes expression and he sighed before noticing the bruise on my chest.

"I'm madder at him right now. What did he do?" He let go of my hands and stroked the bruise softly.

"A lot of tongue and straw." I sighed and he snapped his gaze to me again.

"I meant here." He pushed on the bruise making me wince.

"That's what he did. He cut me open, shoved his tongue in me, and then shoved some of his black tarry straw there." Maybe I should have just snuggled up to Joker. I'd rather face a stabbing right about now.

"He what." He was softly pushing on the bruise as if I were about to explode with straw.

"Any ideas why he'd do that?" I winced as he pressed on an especially tender spot.

"Did he shove straw anyplace else?"

"Well I was pulling straw out of strange places." I remembered the shower and shuddered a bit.

"You're mine V. I won't let him take you from me." He grabbed my chin hard and pulled my eyes to his.

"I'm not going anywhere Jonathan." He was really scaring me right now and I was sure he could see it. He pulled my face to his chest and held me close. I wrapped my arms around him again as he kissed my hair. It almost felt like he was shaking so I nuzzled his chest and kissed it.

"Go back to sleep V. I'm sorry I scared you…it just I don't think I could survive losing you again." His voice was soft and it made me want to cry.

"I love you Jonathan." I murmured into his chest and closed my eyes.

"I love you too V. I won't let him hurt you again." He murmured into my hair and I was out like a light again.

"**Wakey, Wakey V.**" My eyes snapped open and I looked up to see Scarecrow looking at me through Jonathan's eyes.

"Where did you put Jonathan?" I tried to pull out of his grip but he just rolled on top of me and grinned.

"**Oh he's around. He owes me after kicking half my stuffing out.**"

"After what you did I'm surprised that he didn't set you on fire." He just smirked again and started nuzzling against the bruise on my chest. "That still hurts you know." I tried once again to push him off.

"**Sorry V. Just had to leave my mark on you. Show Johnnie boy how serious I was about you.**"

"If I knew that it wasn't going to hurt Jonathan I would so kick your ass." I was mad, I wanted my Jonathan.

"**Aww don't be mad. I just left a little piece of myself in you, so you can see me and feel me without needing the toxin.**" He was using Jonathan's tongue to try and distract me.

"If I can still see and hear you then why are you in Jonathan?"

"**My bodies a little strung out right now. But don't worry I'll be back to make you scream again soon enough.**" His head snapped up and his grin faded off his face. It looked like he was fighting with something before Jonathan's body went limp on top of mine. He was heavy and knocked the breath from my lungs.

"Jonathan." I wheezed and managed to slide him off me. The bruise on my chest was burning and left me gasping for air. Looking down I saw the edges of the bruise actually expand until it was the size of a fist. I tried shaking Jonathan awake but his body stayed limp and his eyes were unfocused. I only wished I knew what was going on in his head. I pulled the covers back over him and curled up against his side. I really, really hoped he wasn't dead.

"Ah you freak what are you doing in the bed I share with V!" Edward's voice practically screamed across the apartments. I sat up and saw that Jonathan hadn't moved and was still just breathing slowly as if he were asleep.

"Where did you put Mrs. J you green patsy." I could hear Joker growling and I slipped from the bed to prevent World War J. I kissed Jonathan's head and slipped to Edward's door. Joker had pinned Edward down and was strangling him with both hands.

"Stop it both of you!" I yelled a little too loud, my voice cracked and pain shot through my neck. Joker let Edward go and jumped from the bed, pulling me into his arms.

"Ah calm down Mrs. J. Big daddy J has you now." He was stroking my back and licking his scars.

"Let her go you buffoon." Edward squeaked and pulled himself out of bed.

"Back off Riddles." Joker growled and I felt his fingertips digging into my back.

"Guys stop it." They both looked down at me. "Something's wrong with Jonathan."

"Well yea we saw that last night." Joker spoke slowly.

"He's lost it V you really shouldn't go near him anymore." Edward was slipping into some clothes.

"No guys something's wrong. He won't wake up." I felt Joker tense and Edward's eyes went wide. I was picked up as both men quickly rushed to Jonathan's room. Edward checked his pulse and checked his eyes.

"What happened?" He looked up at Joker. "Did you hurt him to get closer to my wife?"

"Calm down Riddles, I still needed the good doctor." I was pushed up against the wall as Joker strode over and checked Jonathan out as well. "Well that's interesting."

"What?" My eyes were moving between all three men.

"Seems your little birdie's slipped into a coma. Last time I saw eyes that glazed over it was when you were out." He stood up and adjusted his suit.

"What!" Both Edward and I exclaimed. I slipped to the floor and sat there staring at nothing.

"Damn it Joker you broke my riddle queen again." Edward was at my side in an instant making sure that I hadn't slipped back into a coma as well.

"I'm going out." Joker had a mad gleam in his eyes and he pulled a knife from his pocket.

"Again?" Edward looked up at him with a look on his face that I couldn't place.

"I don't handle change very well." He licked his scars. "And I don't like seeing my Mrs. cry." He stormed out of the room and I heard his door slam. Edward buried my face in his chest and held me close. All too soon I heard the front door open and slam shut. Joker really couldn't handle too much emotion, the hell would he do if I got knocked up? Blow up half of Gotham?

"Common V. I'll check up on Jonathan in a moment, you haven't eaten in awhile. I'm not letting you waste away in front of me." He picked me up and carried me to the kitchen. He walked from cabinet to cabinet with a confused look on his face before grabbing a can of spaghetti o's. I watched him actually cook them before putting them in a bowl before me. "Now eat my little V. I'm going to check on Jonathan." He kissed my forehead before walking out of the kitchen.

I poked at the meal with my spoon before taking a bite. I was starving but I made myself eat slowly. I broke Jonathan. I stared at the bruise on my chest, what exactly had Scarecrow done to me besides what he said. He didn't really exist, did he? Would he get rid of Jonathan and take his place? I looked down at my empty bowl and sighed.

"V baby don't freak out." Edward was in full suit and adjusting his tie.

"You're leaving me too?" My eyes started watering. He sighed and moved to my side.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to need to get supplies in case he's out as long as you were. As much as I like the thought of him being out of the picture I'd rather share you with him then Joker." He frowned for a moment before pulling me into a kiss. "Don't worry my little Riddle Queen, I'll never abandon you." He wiped the tears from my eyes before leaving. He paused at the door and looked back at me once before he was gone.

The emptiness of the apartments beat at me. This must have been what Jonathan felt when I was gone. I cleaned my dish in the sink and padded back to his room. He looked like he was sleeping. I adjusted the covers over him and kissed his forehead. I really didn't want to spend hours curled up in a corner bawling my eyes out. That wasn't going to help him. I slipped back into my old ways and started searching for a broom.

Several hours later I was panting sitting on the floor of the kitchen. I had scrubbed and polished every inch of the apartment I could, especially the mess that was Joker's bathroom. My fingertips were stained green and bleeding from the chemicals I'd had to use. I'd done what seemed like a hundred loads of laundry and I was sure I'd rewashed several loads. I dragged myself to my feet and checked on Jonathan. My blood froze, he was on the floor. I ran to his side and flipped him onto his back. He was still breathing and his heart was still beating. How did he get on the floor? I tried to lift him back onto the bed but my legs buckled and I ended up with his face against my chest sprawled out on the floor.

"**I blame you for this**." Scarecrow's voice made me nearly jump out of my skin. He was sitting off to my right with a scowl on his face. He looked like hell; his straw hair was standing on end in some places and missing in others. His shirt was still gone and he had straw and tar bleeding everywhere. One of his arms was wrapped up with bandages and I couldn't tell but I thought that both of his eyes were bruised.

"You look like hell." My arms wrapped around Jonathan protectively.

"**Well I sure as hell feel like that right now.**" He snapped at me. He closed his burlap eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. "**He kicked me out V. Any idea what that means?**"

"You can't use him to do nefarious deeds anymore?"

"**Very funny. I've been with Johnnie boy so long that he can't exist without me. No Scarecrow, No Jonathan.**" He spoke as if it meant nothing to him.

"He's going to die?" I started crying and Scarecrow groaned. He rested his head in his hands and took a deep breath.

"**No V he's not going to die. He just won't wake up until he lets me back in. Doesn't help that he changed the keys.**"

"Can you help me get him back into bed, I really can't breathe." Jonathan was really heavy and I could only ignore the dark spots dancing in my vision for so long.

"**Women.**" Scarecrow sighed before standing up and struggling to pull Jonathan's body back into the bed. In the end he was covered in straw and tar but safely nestled back into the covers.

"How do we get you back in his head?" I sat up and rubbed my chest, the burning ache was back.

"**Hell if I know.**" Scarecrow sat down next to me and tugged at my hair. "**You don't look so good yourself my little scream queen.**"

"Well yea whatever you did to my chest hurts like hell."

"**Oh relax; your body just isn't used to me yet. First few times will hurt but then it'll be smooth sailing. And I do hope for a few more times.**" He licked his lips and I smacked his hands away from my hair.

"I'm not sleeping with you again. Not only is my Jonathan in a freaking coma because of you, but I don't wanna be pulling straw out of there again."

"**Oh you loved it. Now come here and give your Straw Daddy another kiss**." He puckered his straw lips up and I punched him as hard as I could. He just laughed and pinned me down under him again. "**Oh V you do know how to please your man.**" He licked his lips and I wished that Jonathan would just wake up and kick his ass again.


	25. My Own Sleeping Beauty

Housekeeping

_Thoughts_

**Sexy Scarecrow Voice**

Speaking

Chapter 25: My Own Sleeping Beauty

* * *

I stared up at Scarecrow. He was dripping his black tar from his bleeding mouth all over my neck. A giant grin was plastered over his face. If I didn't find a way to get him back into Jonathan's head he'd never wake up. I'd grow old taking care of my vegetable husband. I punched Scarecrow again and he rolled off me laughing.

"**Oh V I just love this foreplay! When do we move to the bed?**" He sat up and wiped some tar off his chin and licked his burlap lips.

"We don't. Once Jonathan wakes up he's going to kick your ass." I huffed.

"**Oh I'd love to see that.**" He grabbed my ankle and pulled me under him again. He forced his lips on mine and shoved his tongue down my throat again. I bit it as hard as I could and he pulled away whimpering. I choked on the black tar in my throat and was forced to swallow it. My throat was burning from the heat of it. "**You crazy bitch! I love you.**"

"Like hell you do, if you did you wouldn't have hurt Jonathan!" I tried kicking him in the face but he just grabbed my foot and flipped me onto my stomach. He jumped on my back and grabbed me by my hair. His teeth grazed my neck as his free hand slid down my hip to trace my bruise.

"**Do I need to remind you how much I love you V?**" He growled in my ear and ground against me slowly.

* * *

(Scarecrows beating at my brain for this one. Skip it if you wish)

"Getting a hard on isn't love Scarecrow." I hissed at him.

"**Well until I can get a body of my own to marry you and give you a few brats it'll have to be enough for now.**" He hissed in my ear and ripped Edward's vest open. His hands were gripping my chest and massaging the flesh in a way that should have been indecent.

"Stop it now Scarecrow." I tried to squirm out from under him but he'd been bleeding tar everywhere and every move made me slip around in it.

"**Oh my little V. Now I know why Jonathan loves this so much.**" He sat up but instead of letting me free he grabbed the boxers and ripped them off. I quickly elbowed him in the face and tried to crawl away. "**Oh you minx. Let's see you fight this one off.**" He grabbed me by my hips and started licking me all over with his tongue.

"No fair using that tongue." I whimpered as it slid against my inner thigh. Why couldn't Jonathan have a tongue like that? Why did it have to be his evil Scarecrow? I was about to kick him away when I saw Jonathan's hand twitch. Did I imagine that?

"**Really want me to stop V?**" He sounded cocky as he licked his lips. I grabbed him by his noose and pulled him up to kiss me. He fisted his taloned hands in to my hair and his tongue was down my throat again. I kissed him for all I was worth and sure enough Jonathan's hand twitched again. I pulled away from Scarecrow.

"Jonathan?" I half expected him to jump out of bed like a white knight.

"**He's a little too weak without me V. Baby will never wake up.**" He grabbed my by my hips and shoved himself inside me again. I saw Jonathan's hand make a fist before Scarecrow shoved his lips on mine and his tongue down my throat. I could feel his straw leaking out of his body as he pounded me into the floor. He kept his burlap lips on mine and his hands gripping my hips. I tried to pull some of his hair from his head but he twisted his hips just right and hit something inside of me that sent stars flying past my eyes. I whimpered and he hit it again. I could feel his fingers pierce the flesh on my hips as he pounded me over the edge. He nearly howled as he came and once again I was burning inside. He pulled away from my lips and looked down at me with a predatory glare. Just before he could slam his lips on mine again his head stopped, a hand was fisted into his straw hair.

"What did I tell you about touching what's mine?" Jonathan was awake, I think. His eyes were still glazed over but they held a fire I'd never seen before. He ripped Scarecrow off my body and threw him to the other side of the room where he disappeared into the wall.

"Jonathan?" I reached over and stroked his face. He turned his gaze back to me before grabbing my chin hard in his hand.

"You're mine V." He pulled me into the bed and pinned me down. He started scraping the tar off my body and throwing bits of straw away.

"I thought you were gone." He took a deep breath before meeting my eyes. He leaned down nose to nose with me, almost as if he were a whole other person.

"I'll leave you V when hell freezes over." His lips crashed onto mine and his tongue forced its way into my mouth. I grabbed his hair and pulled him closer. He forced my legs apart and thrusted himself right in me. He groaned and pulled back enough to start kissing down my neck.

"Oh Jonathan." I whimpered as he claimed my body as his own. The whole bed was shaking and I was drawing blood down his back with my nails. He bit down on my neck hard enough to draw blood and his hands were holding me with a bruising force. He pounded me over the edge time and time again. My vision was blurring and my voice was burning in my throat when he kissed me again and forced us both over the edge. I whimpered as he lay panting on top of me. I couldn't move even if I wanted to.

"My V. Only my V." His voice was strained and soft.

(Ok the bed is trashed move on)

* * *

"He said you weren't coming back." I stroked his hair and his breathing slowed from its panting to a more normal pace.

"I let him back in." He was frowning and I stroked his cheek softly. "V I didn't want to let him in but I couldn't leave him out here with you."

"Don't ever leave me again." I pulled him up for another kiss before he rolled off me and pulled me to his chest.

"Oh I won't." Jonathan was back. My eyes watered and I nuzzled into his chest. I probably wouldn't be able to walk for a week but I didn't care. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. "Did I break you V?"

"Probably, check back next week and see if I can walk then." I murmured into his chest.

"Get some rest; I'll make sure that no one takes you from me again." His hands were working wonders on my back and I was soon blissfully asleep in his arms.

"You fiend what did you do to my poor little V!" I woke up to screaming and I groaned. I rubbed my eyes and I saw Edward standing in the doorway with both hands full of medical supplies.

"Back of Riddles. V's mine." Jonathan practically growled. Edward dropped everything he was holding and leapt on the bed.

"You were just playing comatose so you could violate my wife, you monster!" Edward took a swing and cracked Jonathan right on the jaw. His head lolled back and his body went limp. Edward clutched his fist to his chest and shook a bit.

"Edward don't hurt him anymore! Scarecrow put him in the coma. He just woke up and you knocked his ass back out." He pulled a package of pills out of his coat pocket and pulled several out. He grabbed me by the back of my head and forced me to take them all. I choked them down and pulled away gagging. "The hell were those Edward? Are you poisoning me?" My eyes were wide and I was shaking a bit.

"I'd never hurt you baby. Those were just morning after pills V. If your having anyone's baby its going to be mine."

"Eddie I'm already on the pill." I sighed and rubbed my forehead.

"Not taking any chances by ember beauty. Now lets get you cleaned up and I'll take care of this…filth." He pointed at Jonathan with a scowl on his features. I sat up and whimpered as a horrible pain shot though my hips.

"Eddie I don't think I'll be able to walk."

"The fiend!" Edward picked me up and carried me to Jonathan's bathroom. He set me inside the tub and got some water going. It soothed my legs and bruises as it raised up high enough for me to bath comfortably in. "Now just relax V. I'll go get you something for the pain." He kissed me, his tongue battling mine. He stood up and straightened his suit before walking back out into the room.

"Hey Edward!" Jonathan's voice rang out and I tried to look out into the room but I could barely move. I heard Edward cry out before a loud crack sounded, almost like furniture breaking. A loud thump followed and I couldn't tell if I should cheer Jonathan on or rush to Edward's side.

"What happened?" I called out and Jonathan appeared in the doorway. He was sweating and looked like hell warmed over, his chin was bleeding freely. He staggered to the tub and climbed in behind me.

"Just taking care of a little business V. Don't worry I'm here now." He wrapped his arms around my chest and pulled me back against him. His lips brushed my ear and his thumbs stroked my shoulders.

"Please don't tell me he's dead." I leaned back against him and closed my eyes.

"Ok I won't tell you then." He held me and we sat in the bath just holding each other until the water was ice cold. I had just started to fall back asleep when Edward groaned from the other room. I could hear him staggering to his feet and falling against the wall.

"I'm going to stab you again Jonathan! I swear it! You hurt my little V!" Edward was ranting but he didn't come into the bathroom. I heard him stomp to his room and slam the door.

"He won't stab me." Jonathan muttered into my hair and his arms pulled me closer against him.

"Are you sure? I can't exactly jump to your defense right now."

"V I can't even move, but I'm sure he won't stab me as long as I have you here."

"So we're stuck in the tub aren't we?" I sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

"Unfortunately it would seem so. But I'm not complaining."

"Jonathan?"

"Yes V."

"I don't wanna have to live in this tub for a week." I fake whined and I felt him chuckle against me.

"Don't worry V. I'm sure eventually I'll be able to move again."

"I hope so." I closed my eyes and tried to get comfortable.

"V wake up." Something was poking my side. I groaned and swatted at it with my hand. It started poking me again.

"Nuuu stop the poking. I don't wanna go back to school." The hand stopped poking and started trailing along my cleavage making me groan. I opened my eyes and Jonathan was grinning down at me.

"Fear of school V?" I pulled him down for a kiss.

"Not a fear, just an intense loathing." I groaned as he pulled away. "Why do I need to be up again?"

"I made dinner."

"Anything edible?"

"I'll have you know I can cook, decently." He added quickly.

"Hopefully its not spaghetti o's." I looked up and he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Honestly?" I sighed and pulled a pillow over my head.

"Common V I'm not letting you starve. You haven't been eating a lot over the past week. Now up we go." He pulled me out of bed and I saw that I was wearing just one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers. The shirt was nearly busting at the seams and I was sure would never fit him right again.

"I think my chest broke your shirt." He carried me to the kitchen and set me down on a chair. A big bowl of pasta was set before me and I sighed before digging in.

"I have plenty of shirts, but I have only one V. Now eat until I'm satisfied that you won't collapse out of hunger." Jonathan sat down and poked at his bowl.

"Can't cook either can you bird boy?" Edward sat next to me with his own bowl of the cheap pasta.

"Shut up Edward." Jonathan groaned in disgust as he spooned some into his mouth.


	26. Houston we have a problem

Housekeeping

_Thoughts_

**Sexy Scarecrow Voice**

Speaking

Chapter 26: Houston we have a problem

* * *

It's been two weeks since I'd last seen Joker and the apartments had practically become a war zone. Edward and Jonathan were constantly fighting and more then once I had to drag them apart due to blood being spilt. But that wasn't what was worrying me right now. I stared down at the empty blister pack in my hands. I had just gone through my entire week of 'period' pills but hadn't had one yet. I was biting my lip as I dropped the pack into the trash with a shaky hand. I couldn't say anything to the guys, not until I was sure. Last thing I needed was for them to actually start stabbing each other over this. I crept out of Joker's bathroom and walked over to where Edward and Jonathan had collapsed on the floor.

They had beat each other over the head with the last of our TV trays then choked each other out. I had pried their hands off each others necks and it looked more like they were snuggling then trying to kill each other. I needed help but the one person I could turn to I hadn't seen in two weeks, besides Joker of course. I crept into Jonathan's room and closed the door behind me. I really hoped that this would work; I was scared as all hell.

"Scarecrow? Scarecrow I need you, the flesh and blood you. Please don't show up in Jonathan's skin." I looked around the room but nothing happened for several minutes. Just as I was about to hang my head and retreat to Joker's room I heard the sound of straw on fabric.

"**I knew you would come back to me my little scream queen.**" Scarecrow was lying on Jonathan's bed completely naked save for his hat strategically placed over his hips. He was grinning showing off his sharp blackened teeth.

"Scarecrow please get dressed I need your help." I rubbed my arms as a nervous shake overtook me. He was up at once and dressed a large scythe in his hands and murder in his eyes.

"**What's wrong V? Did something…**" I walked over and pinched his burlap lips closed with my hands.

"Scarecrow you can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. Not Jonathan, not Edward and not even Joker." He lifted an eyebrow as if to say _'And how the hell would I tell the other two creeps anything?'_ "I mean it." He nodded and I let his lips go. "Scarecrow I need you to help me get into town to a store or something. I really need to grab a few things that I can't let the guys know I have."

"**Like what? What's going on V?**" The scythe was now strapped to his back and his taloned fingers were on either side of my head, softly stroking my cheeks. His eyes were burning into mine as if searching for something.

"Well don't freak out but I haven't gotten my period yet." As soon as the words left my mouth he froze. "I need to go buy some tests but I don't want anyone to know until I do."

"**V are you…?**"

"I don't know. That's why I need your help. You said that you could be away from Jonathan for awhile so I was hoping you could go with me and protect me or something." My nervous shake was back and I was pulled against his straw filled body as if I were made of glass. Scarecrow had never held me this gently before.

"**I'll follow you to the ends of the world V. Let's go get these tests before the boys wake up.**" He walked over to Jonathan's desk and pulled some keys out of the drawer. "**I hope you don't mind if I drive.**"

"Is it even safe to let you drive? How would that even work?"

"**Well you'd have to let me jump into your body for a bit. Like what I do with Jonathan.**"

"You're not putting up a room in my head Scarecrow." I frowned but he shook his head and held up a hand.

"**Temporary arrangements baby. I'll hop back out once you're safe back home. I much prefer being outside your body driving in then inside your body driving.**" He gave me a cocky grin before waltzing over and stroking my cheek.

"And how exactly would that work?" He slid his hand down to the bruise on my chest and it throbbed.

"**Just close your eyes baby. I'll let you see what's going on, but I'll do all the work.**" He pulled me into a kiss and I closed my eyes. Within moments I felt like I was falling until something wrapped around my very being pulling me back up. Scarecrow was gone but I couldn't move my body.

'_Scarecrow?'_ The words seemed to echo in my head instead of coming out of my mouth. Fear raced through my veins until the force wrapped around my soul seemed to hold me closer.

"**It's always scary the first time V. I'll try not to make a habit of this.**" The words came out of my mouth and I knew that Scarecrow was inside me. I should have been shaking with fear or rage but I felt safe. He was warm and fuzzy inside me and I could hear every thought he was having, every feeling running through his body. Without his cocky attitude to hide behind I could feel that he actually loved me. His straw heart was beating in time with mine and he had a possessive streak a mile wide.

'_I don't think I'd mind it too much, you're all warm and fuzzy inside. I thought you'd be all vinegar and hell fire.'_

"**Don't look too much into it V. I only feel this way around you, everyone else is just a screaming flesh bag. I wanna burn the world and make love to you on the bodies of our fallen foes.**" He was serious about that as he walked my body over to Jonathan's desk and pulled some money out of a hidden drawer. After he stuffed my pockets with cash he slipped me into a comfortable pair of shoes and put my hair into a pony tail.

We marched out to the front door after making sure that Jonathan and Edward would be out for awhile. It probably didn't help that Scarecrow used my foot to kick them in the ribs to make sure they were really out. _'You're being an ass.'_

"**I love you too baby, hey maybe it's my baby?**" He whispered in my voice and stroked my stomach as we marched outside. There was a small blue car parked off to the side of the warehouse apartments and he unlocked the door. He double checked that we were safely strapped in and that the car was safe before turning it on. I thought that he'd drive like a man possessed but he drove like an old woman. He was being so cautious I thought that he'd become a whole other person. We pulled into a local pharmacy and he parked the car and walked us inside. "**So what exactly are we looking for again?**"

'_Go to the family planning isle.'_ I saw him look up at the descriptions above the isles before walking down one near the back. He actually blushed as we walked past all the pads and tampons. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when we reached the condoms.

"**The hell is this shit V?**" He was whispering in my voice again so no one would take notice of us. He was looking at all the different boxes and choices. "**Ribbed for her pleasure? Sonic sparks for your partner, flavored lubes?**" For being in Jonathan's head he was clueless and I chuckled making his presence wrap around my soul again.

'_That's not what we need Crow. They're just down the isle now move it.'_ He reluctantly put the boxes back down and walked down to the tests. I wasn't sure which one would be best so I had him pick out four different types. There were traditional pink/blue lines, digital ones and ones that guaranteed you with up to 100% effectiveness of your pregnancy detection. _'Do you want me to take over while we check out? This is going to be awkward for all parties involved with this.'_

"**I'll just grab a bag of chips or a chocolate bar so this doesn't look weird.**" He grabbed a king sized chocolate bar as we walked to the check out lines. The cashier gave me a look of disgust until she saw the ring on my finger, and then she looked up in surprise.

"Oh honey a girl who buys this many tests must be terrified of having a baby. If you want I have a number you can call with a hotline…" She started speaking and pulled a card out of her pocket with the number of an abortion clinic. Scarecrow was seething with rage and the warm fuzzy feeling surrounding me turned cold.

"**I'm keeping my baby if I'm having it. Now how much do I need to pay you witch?**" He growled and the cashier slipped the card into the bag of supplies anyways.

"That'll be $34.23." She took the money and handed back the change.

'_I don't want to risk taking this home, see if they have a bathroom we can use._" I pleaded in my head.

"**Would it be alright if I used your facilities?**" Scarecrow was wrapped around me protectively and if I'd been Jonathan this woman would be screaming with a lung full of gas.

"Sure honey, here's the key to the employee restroom. All the way in the back, next to the coolers." She handed me the keys and patted my hand in a comforting way. "And don't forget that it's never too late."

'_Too late for what?' _ Hell I was wishing I had some of Jonathan's gas right now. Scarecrow marched me back to the restroom and locked the door behind us.

"**Lets just get this over with V. What do I need to have your body do?**" He pulled the boxes out and started reading them. I felt my eyebrow raising once he'd read the directions. "**This should be interesting.**"

'_This is embarrassing.' _ Scarecrow had me pee into four different cups and each one had a test stick balanced inside. I was blushing so hard and his presence was holding onto my soul so tightly I was sure we'd fuse together. His eyes never left the clock in the corner of the bathroom until it was time to check them.

"**Moment of truth V.**" He started pulling them out one by one and if I had been in control of my own body I'd have fainted. Two pink lines, a pink plus mark, a blinking pregnant, and last but not least a blinking pregnant pink plus sign.

'_Oh god.'_

"**V the hell are you going to do?**" Scarecrow dumped the cups down the toilet and chucked the tests into the trash. He started pacing and holding my arms over my mid section protectively. I could literally feel his mind clicking into 'straw daddy' mode.

'_I'm really freaking out here Scarecrow, what am I going to do?'_ I didn't think that eating the candy bar would help. Scarecrow made a show of ripping up the little business card in the bottom of the bag and throwing it away.

"**We're keeping our baby V.**" He grabbed the candy bar from the bag and shoved it into my pocket. He threw the bag away and marched out of the bathroom, chucking the key at the hapless cashier as we left.

'_I'm on the pill how the hell could this have happened?'_ I was in denial and lost in my own thoughts. We had almost made it to the car before something metal was shoved into the middle of my back and voice reached my ears.

"Oh look who I found, a little lost housekeeper." We turned and saw Larry from maintenance standing there with a big grin on his face.

"**The hell?**" Scarecrow wanted to strangle this guy but he was more concerned with me and the baby growing inside.

"I thought that I'd finally made you see reason. I blew up your car so you'd stop going into work and flirting with those men. I tried to scare you away by having my dad try to hit you with his car. For friggin sakes I sent you an eye to tell you I was watching you! I even hired the mob to scare you off!" His voice was raising by the second and his gun was shaking. We were both feeling fear, and Scarecrow didn't like that.

'_Crow remember Larry from maintenance? Please don't do anything to get me shot.'_ I was whimpering in my head and my soul wrapped around Crow's. He tried to comfort me the best he could while trying to plan on how to keep me alive.

"**What are you going to do to me Larry?**" He bit my tongue to try and make me sound more afraid then possessed.

"Well for starters you're coming with me." He walked us to a nearby car and made us get into the trunk. "Now we're going for a little ride." He grinned and slammed the trunk closed over top of us.

"**V I'm gonna have to come out of you a bit.**" Crow was shaking with anger.

'_I'm scared.'_

"**I have to find out where we're going so I can bring Jonathan to kill this flesh bag.**" I felt the car start moving and Crow seemed to pull out of me making me feel empty inside. The ride seemed to take forever and I grabbed my stomach protectively every time the car hit a bump or stopped unexpectedly. I was shaking and pale by the time the car stopped. I felt Scarecrow slip back into my body and I wrapped around him until we were nearly one being. "**Calm down V. Don't fuse us together or we'll be stuck like Jonathan and I. Just do what he says until I can see where we're going. I put a bit of myself in you so I'll always know where you are.**" He whispered and the trunk popped open. Larry pointed the gun at me again and waved me out of the trunk.

"Move it." We climbed out of the trunk and Crow had me looking around at everything as we were forced into a small apartment building. We were in the narrows and only a few miles from Arkham. Once we were inside I was forced to sit on an ugly brown plush chair and was tied up. I whimpered in my head when ropes were tied around my midsection and pulled tight.

'_Crow, the baby.'_

"**Don't worry V. I'm going to go get Jonathan now. Don't die on us, I need you. Stay strong, both of you.**" He gave my soul a comforting squeeze before slipping out of me again. I saw his ghostly body fly out of the house faster then a heartbeat.

"Now don't go anywhere." A gag was forced into my mouth as Larry walked into the other room and I heard him dial a phone. I tugged on the restraints but stopped when they tugged against my stomach. I was scared.


	27. Through a Scarecrow's Eyes

Housekeeping

_Thoughts_

**Sexy Scarecrow Voice**

Speaking

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 27: Through a Scarecrows Eyes

* * *

I didn't want to leave V. Here I thought she wanted some hard straw loving on the floor when she called me earlier; but instead she's knocked up and I'm really hoping it's mine. Hell I'd even be okay if it were Jonathan's, but I'm hoping its mine anyways. But then shit had to go to all hell and now she and the baby are in danger. My baby. Both my babies. I was flying and made it back to the warehouse in almost no time. I know I promised not to tell the guys but I would have to tell Jonathan to get the fires of hell under his heels.

They were both on the floor where we left them and I grabbed my scythe before smacking Jonathan upside the head with it. It never failed to wake him up and his eyes snapped open before narrowing at me.

"The hell Scarecrow?" His voice was strained and he struggled to his feet.

"**Wake up the other one we're going to war.**" I hissed. I wanted V back in my arms, now.

"What?" He rubbed his head and started to stretch.

"**V's in trouble, in more ways then one.**"

"What?" That got his attention.

"**Johnnie boy, V's pregnant. And she's been kidnapped by a gun toting freak from the asylum.**"

"V's…." He looked like he was going to pass out so I slapped him across the face leaving marks deep enough to draw blood.

"**Wake the green freak up and suit up. We've got a drive ahead of us and the Buick is at a pharmacy a mile away.**" Jonathan instantly dropped to his knees and started shaking the green one. I didn't much care for him but he made V smile so I'd let him live, for now.

"What in the seven hells is the matter Jonathan?" The green one, Edward, woke up and rubbed his head.

"Edward V's in trouble, scarecrow just brought me the news." Jonathan was up and pacing in moments.

"What? What happened to my little V you…you freak!" Edward shrieked.

"V's pregnant and got herself kidnapped." Jonathan snapped. Edward froze and his eyes grew two sizes.

"My little V's going to be a mommy?" His eyes turned cold after a moment. "Someone took the mother of my child!" He didn't even blink before he was running to his room and suiting up.

"**Hurry up Johnnie boy; I want both my babies in my arms by nightfall.**" I bared my teeth and tightened my grip on my scythe. "**Grab the gas and the antidote, I don't want her harmed. But we're going to kill him. I want him dead.**"

"Who Edward?" Jonathan was halfway to his room and spun around to face me. Edward popped out of his room looking confused at hearing his name. He was only half dressed and struggling with his tie.

"What about me?" Edward finished fixing his tie and buttoned the cuffs of his shirt.

"Scarecrow's putting together a plan. I'll let you know what he wants you to do." Jonathan marched into his room and began changing clothes and slipping on his suit. The special one with spaces for his gas tanks and mask.

"Sure he is Jonathan." Edward slinked back into his room and I watched him start panting purple dye around his eyes before slipping on a domino mask. I was glad that Jonathan had decided against that. I rushed into our room and paced, this was taking too long. She wasn't dead, I could feel her heart beating against mine still, but she was terrified.

"**We're killing the man who stole her, not the green one. You need to send him to Arkham to collect Joker.**"

"Wait Joker's back in Arkham?" Jonathan stopped fixing his tie and looked at me in surprise.

"**Yea he got caught by the bat and bird last week. Fool hijacked a cooking class to try and learn to cook for V. He's in isolation so he should be easy to break out. I'd leave his ass there to rot but we're going to need him and his stabbing arm.**"

"Are you going to jump in or am I going solo?" Jonathan had finished suiting up and was holding his mask in his hand.

"**I'll jump in soon enough; I want to keep tabs on V. Her heart is beating way too fast.**" Jonathan slipped the mask into a pocket inside his jacket. He walked out to meet Edward who was dressed up and ready to go.

"Edward I'm going after V. You need to go break out Joker from Arkham isolation. We're going to need him to help us kill this guy." Jonathan was waiting on me but I wasn't about to jump in yet.

"What guy? And why does it have to be me?" He was clutching his cane tightly and I could hear his gloves creaking against the pressure.

"Remember Larry from maintenance? He's the one whose been trying to kill V. My gas won't break Joker out, but your mind can." I wanted to chuckle at the face Jonathan was making when he forced those words out of his mouth.

"Wasn't he the one who killed that last housekeeper?" Edward's eyes were wild.

"**Jonnie boy hurry your ass up. She's in the narrows, white apartment building corner of Greenwood and Juniper, apartment 2 A. Second floor.**" I was getting restless and pacing.

"Yes now go get Joker. She's being held at the corner of Greenwood and Juniper in the narrows. White apartment building, apartment 2a, second floor. It's just a few miles from Arkham so hurry your ass up!" Jonathan all but screamed. Edward was gone in a flash and I jumped into Jonathan's body once he was gone.

"**Don't fight me on this Johnnie boy; I'm not taking any bull. I want my woman and I want her alive.**" I rushed him out to where the spare car was kept; Edward was already gone in the small black two door impala. We were left with a red four door Cadillac. Where I was careful with V I drove like the world was ending with Jonathan.

'_Crow we can't help her if we're dead! Don't blow so many lights you'll attract the bat!'_

"**I'm driving just fine now shut up.**" I was more careful to keep us out of the vigilante radar as we pulled up to the apartment. It wasn't quite dark yet but my poor V had been in there for hours now.

'_How long have you known Crow?'_

"**Known what Johnnie boy?**"

'_That V was pregnant.'_ His voice echoed with fire in our head. I chose him well when I picked him to carry me around in.

"**Just today when she found out. Now hush I'm going up the fire escape and I need to concentrate.**" Jonathan went silent and I double checked that I had the drug and antidote at the ready. I would have to be quick, once the gas started flying I would have to jump into V and keep her from breathing it. Neither Jonathan nor I knew what this stuff could do to an unborn child. The back window was open and I slipped in silently before a knife was held against Jonathan's throat.

"Well hello bird boy. Little Eddie here filled me in on the situation." I hated that painted freak. He was stronger then both my Jonathan and Edward combined so I needed him. He made me want to vomit.

"**Then you know how delicate this situation is. You're immune to the gas so I'll need you to inject V with the antidote.**" I handed him a small vial that he shoved into his pocket. I injected Edward with the other antidote and pulled the mask over my head. "**Take over Johnnie boy, my woman needs me.**" I pulled from his body and ignored the looks the other two men gave him. I slipped into the other room where an oblivious maintenance man was holding a gun against my babies head. Literally, the gun was pressed against her stomach and she was crying against her gag. I slid carefully into her body and took over; keeping up the façade that she was still helpless.

'_Crow he's been poking at my stomach with that gun. What are we going to do?'_

'_**The calvary is here baby. All three of them, well four if you count me. Once Jonathan starts spraying his gas I'm gonna make you hold your breath so try not to freak out.'**_

'_Don't leave me again.'_ Her voice was shaking and I wrapped around her soul to calm her down. I caught sight of Jonathan creeping up behind Larry as he raved. I could feel the gun jabbing into our stomach and I cringed.

"They'll be here soon. The mob men I hired will take care of you once and for all. You've let those mad men taint you and not even I can over look that." Larry was ranting. He raised the gun and dug it into our chin. "They'll never save you though. They don't know where you are and they care too much about their own skin to risk coming out here."

"You so sure about that?" Jonathan spoke and Larry jumped around, pointing the gun at him.

"Freeze Scarefreak. One more move and I'll kill her, you'll watch her brains bounce all over the floor!" Larry pointed the gun at us again. Jonathan gave a subtle nod and I filled our lungs with clean air and held it. A burst of white powder hit Larry in the face and a flash of purple pulled the gun away from our head. Larry began screaming and flailing around. V was so scared that our lungs were burning within seconds. The painted freak actually remembered to give her the antidote to protect the baby and we took a shaky breath. Joker started chuckling before laughing uncontrollably as the gas hit his system. Both he and Jonathan grabbed the screaming Larry and dragged him into the other room. The ropes loosened then were removed and the green man was in front of us in an instant. His hands were gently stroking our stomach with a worried expression on his face. I pulled the gag from our mouth.

"**We don't have a lot of time Edward. We need to get out before backup arrives in the form of an over sized bat and bird combo.**" Edward looked confused as he gazed up into our eyes.

"V? You sound different, is something wrong? Oh no did the antidote not work? Are you losing the baby?" He went quickly into babbling freak out mode.

"**V's not here right now. Only Scarecrow.**" Edward's jaw dropped and he grabbed our chin.

"How did you get inside my baby you straw freak. If you harm her or my baby I swear I'll…"

"**Not now you babbling idiot. Joker and Crane should be done with the body and we need to move. Get the woman out of here and back to the hideout!**" V was shaking and exhausted in the back of our mind. That couldn't be good for the baby.

"My poor V." Edward picked us up and I nuzzled against V's soul before pulling out of her body. She passed out and went boneless in Edward's arms. He clutched her tightly to him as he slipped out the back and I hurried to the other room. I wanted to watch Larry die.

"You're a little late for the party Scarecrow." Jonathan stood over a very dead Larry. He was covered in blood and Joker was still stabbing the corpse. He paused and looked over at where I was and it was almost as if he'd seen me.

"Well isn't this interesting." He licked his scars. Yep, he'd seen me.

"**Edward is taking V home, we need to move. The mob men will be here any second. If we're lucky the bat will think they did it and we can go back into hiding.**" Joker had stood up and was still chuckling as he walked over and tried to poke me with his knife.

"Have you been getting freaky with Mrs. J too?" Joker licked his scars again and sent me a glare that would make any normal man wet their pants and beg for mercy.

"**Oh I've been with her, good chance that babies mine too.**" I hissed and Joker actually dropped his knife. He growled in rage and lunged at me, passing harmlessly through my body.

"Thanks Crow now he's going to kill me." Jonathan rushed past Joker and we all hurried back to the warehouse. That green freak had actually listened and brought V home instead of running off with her. I ignored Jonathan and jumped right back into V's body. I know I promised not to make this a permanent thing but I needed her. My soul wrapped around hers and whispered into her mind.

'_**Don't worry baby. Scarecrow's here to protect you, both of you.'**_


	28. Things Just Got More Interesting

Housekeeping

_Thinking_

**Sexy Scarecrow Speak**

Speech

Disclaimer: I own nothing but V and the baby.

Chapter 28: Things just got a little more interesting

* * *

I woke up on Jonathan's bed groggy and confused. I was surrounded by pillows making a barrier to keep me from falling on the floor. I sat up and rubbed my stomach softly, I can't believe I'm pregnant. Any one of the guys could be the daddy, hell Scarecrow could be the daddy for all I know. This is what I get for sleeping with all the guys in such a short period of time. I hung my head and pulled my knees to my chest. What was I going to do? I know Scarecrow would stay with me no matter what, I could almost feel him if I concentrated hard enough.

I rubbed my legs and took a deep breath; I couldn't hide in bed forever. I slipped out of the bed and looked around. I couldn't hear anyone moving around, did they all leave me? I bit my lip and kept a hand on my stomach as I crept towards the door. It was closed and I pressed my ear to it, silence was the only thing I heard. I opened the door and walked out into the main room. The kitchen was a mess; it looked like someone had tried to actually cook in it.

I walked over and opened the oven before closing it quickly. There was a burnt husk of something inside and it smelled horrible. There was flour and egg all over the counters and I even stepped on a broken egg shell and winced as it poked my foot. I pulled the bits of shell out of my flesh and dumped it into the sink. I padded out of the kitchen as it was starting to freak me out. Seeing messy things made me want to clean them, and I didn't want to risk hurting my baby by inhaling cleaning fumes.

The living room looked just as bad as the kitchen. The couch was flipped over and one of the lamps was broken. The remote had been flung through the screen of the TV and I whimpered at the sheer violence of the scene around me. Both Edward and Joker's doors were open but I didn't see or hear them inside. I checked the lock on the main door and it didn't look like it had been kicked in. Where were the guys? What had happened? I bit my lip and held my stomach protectively again. Was I going to be a single mom? I paced for a bit until I couldn't take it anymore. I rubbed the bruise on my chest and hoped that he was close enough to hear me call.

"Scarecrow?" My voice echoed off the empty walls and I waited. I felt a brush against my soul before two lanky arms wrapped around me from behind. I grabbed them and held them close to me.

"**You're shaking V. Keep calm for the baby's sake.**" Scarecrow whispered in my ear.

"Did the guys leave me?" His hands tightened around me and his straw hair tickled my neck.

"**They'd never leave you V. They just went off for a bit to get some things. You probably shouldn't go into the kitchen.**" His voice trailed off.

"I saw it already, something died in the oven didn't it?" He chuckled and I turned around to face him. I buried my face in the burlap of his neck and nuzzled.

"**Hey now, calm down V. Scarecrow's here.**" His hands trailed down to cup my ass in his hands and I felt him groan. He started squeezing it softly and I peeked up at him.

"What's on your mind Crow?" He tried to look at me as innocently as he could.

"**Hey now. It's not like I'm trying to seduce you into bed, although I would love to make love to you on one.**" He gave a wolfish grin and took a step backwards, pulling me with him.

"Oh so you're actually being innocent? Nothing dirty going through that mind?" I cocked an eyebrow and his tongue flicked out to lick his burlap lips.

"**Damn it V, for some reason knowing you're pregnant is making me horny as hell. I need to be in you right now.**" He groaned and pressed his lips against mine.

"Crow where is everyone else?" I tried to distract him, he was fully aroused and his hands were squeezing the life out of my ass.

"**They went to town, they should be back soon so please give your straw daddy some loving.**" He groaned and kissed me again. I felt something shift inside of me and suddenly he was gone.

'_Crow?'_ My voice echoed in my head again and I froze. _'Oh my god Crow did you just possess me so you can get in my pants?'_

"**Maybe, is it working?**" He chuckled and walked me back into Jonathan's room. As soon as the door closed behind us he was leaning against it and grabbing my breasts. Well I was grabbing them but he was making me do it.

* * *

(Things are about to get weird, I blame sugar, lots and lots of sugar and the fact that I never sleep)

'_Crow the hell?' _ He was squeezing my breast and kneading them in my hands. I tried to fight him for control but he wrapped around my soul and pumped me full of warm fuzziness. Somehow he was even making my soul aroused; it was a very strange feeling.

"**I wanna know how it feels V. Then I wanna make you feel it but so much better.**" He groaned and walked me to the bed, shedding clothing as he walked. Soon I was lying naked on the bed with my hands trailing all over my exposed skin. In my mind I was blushing and trembling. I could feel him twitch and gasp as he started to stroke me with my own fingers. Sliding them up and down my area feeling myself getting wet.

'_You're opening a can of worms Crow. I don't want you jumping into me during sex. I want to be myself when I get off.'_ I whimpered as he slipped my fingers inside myself.

"**Gods V. Sex feels this good for a woman?**" He was going along at a frantic pace and my legs were shaking from the feelings.

'_Sex feels better then this Crow. Please get out of my head.'_ I whimpered as my hips jerked up as I was nearing my orgasm.

"**You want me to leave V?**"

'_No I want you buried inside of me, right now.'_ I groaned and I felt him slide out of me as I started to regain control of my body. I kept my fingers going trying to drive myself over the edge and I nearly screamed as Scarecrow's tongue joined them. He pulled my hand away and started writhing his tongue around inside me making me fall over the edge and squeeze his head between my thighs.

"Crow." My voice was tight in my throat and I grabbed him by his straw hair and pulled him up to kiss me. His thin body slid between my legs and I wrapped them around his hips. His tongue slid into my mouth and battled mine as he thrusted into me and groaned.

"**Gods V, how the hell does a normal man take this? Hell I almost couldn't take it through Jonathan, give me a body and I'd never leave yours.**" He was gentle with his thrusts at first slow and deep before picking up the pace. He bit his lip so hard he started dripping hot tar on my body and I pulled him down for a kiss. I dug my nails into his back and he threw all caution to the wind and began pounding me until the bed was banging against the wall.

"Fuck Scarecrow!" I came so hard I was screaming his name and he dug his taloned hands so hard into the mattress that they pierced the fabric. He exploded deep inside me like fire and was panting by the time he'd finished. A thin sheen of sweat covered our bodies and we were both panting and holding each other as if we were both about to fall apart.

"**My V. No matter what that's my baby growing inside you.**" He murmured into my ear and stroked my hips with his fingers. He slid off me and pulled my back to his chest, I could feel the heat of him against my flesh and I snuggled back against him.

(Yep I went there)

* * *

"I still can't believe that I'm going to be a mom." Scarecrow was stroking my stomach gently and his tongue slid along the back of my neck making me shiver.

"**And I'm gonna be a daddy. My own little Scarecrow soon to pop out and take over the world.**" He chuckled. I put my hand over his and we laid there for who knows how long, I really didn't care how long it was because it was so comforting.

"Well I see you've been busy." Jonathan walked in and closed the door behind him. He looked like hell, he had dark circles around his eyes and his suit was torn. He stripped down to his boxers and jumped into bed with me. He pushed Scarecrow's hand out of the way and began stroking my stomach with his own.

"Where have you guys been?" Jonathan leaned down and kissed my stomach softly. He moved up and kissed me until I was breathless.

"You saw the kitchen?" He pulled me out of Scarecrow's grasp and into his own.

"Yea, who died in the oven?" I nuzzled against his neck as he rested his chin on my head.

"Joker tried to cook. He thinks that you need to eat healthy home cooked meals to make the baby stronger. Edward convinced him that processed foods would damage the baby." He sighed and I could feel him glaring at Scarecrow.

"And the living room?" I could feel Scarecrow stroking my stomach again as he nuzzled against my back, lightly biting at my skin.

"We were having a friendly discussion on who the godfather should be." I peeked up at him and the circles around his eyes looked more like bruises.

"A friendly discussion?" I lifted my eyebrow but before Jonathan could speak again the door was kicked down and Joker waltzed in carrying a tray of sliced vegetables.

"Hey now. I don't think I like what I'm seeing here." He growled and jumped onto the bed where Scarecrow was but he vanished before Joker could make contact. "That's better."

"Wait Joker can see Crow now too?" I was confused but Joker just sat down next to me and pulled me into a sitting position.

"Unfortunately." Jonathan's voice was flat and he sat up as well shooting daggers at Joker with his eyes.

"Eat up Mrs. J. I'll be damned if that baby starves." He dipped some celery in ranch and shoved it into my mouth with enough force to make me choke.

"Joker you're gonna kill her!" Jonathan pulled the celery from my mouth and patted me on the back until I could breathe again. Joker was dipping another piece of celery into the ranch and I felt like I was about to be in a fight I didn't want to be a part of. I slid out of bed just in time for Joker and Jonathan to start fighting on top of the vegetables. I wrapped my arms around my chest and ran from the room. Edward was trying to clean up the kitchen so I went and hid behind him.

"V oh my goodness!" He pulled his coat off and wrapped me up in it. He glared towards Jonathan's room before pulling me against him.

"They're trying to kill me with vegetables!" I hid my face in his shirt and he stiffened.

"Don't worry V. Your baby's daddy is here now." He picked me up and carried me into his room. He slammed the door shut and locked it behind us.

"Did Joker really try to cook?" I looked up into Edward's eyes as he pressed me up against the door. He slid down my body until he was kissing my stomach softly.

"It was horrible V. Believe it or not he was trying to make you omelets." He nuzzled my stomach and wrapped his arms around my legs. "Don't worry baby, your daddy's here now." He kissed my stomach again softly before kissing up my body to my lips. He kissed me breathless and slid one of his legs between mine.

"Omelets in the oven, really Edward?" Seeing the softer side of the guys was keeping me all warm and squishy inside.

"You have no idea V." He kissed me again and I almost forgot about the other two men killing themselves over vegetables in the other room.


	29. Omake

Housekeeping

_Thoughts_

**Sexy Scarecrow Speech**

Speech

**This chapter is for .Mistress.92. She demanded an omake so here ya go. This is for viewing pleasure only and doesn't really fit in with the storyline. Or you could just assume that this led to V's little bun in the oven. Just sit back and enjoy the steamy goodness.**

Chapter: Omake

* * *

I sighed. The guys were running around doing their own things and had left me alone for a whole two days. A girl could only clean so much before she was left to her own devices. After spending an afternoon bored online I had an idea click in my head, the guys would either kill me for it or well let's just say I'm hoping they're up to the challenge. With a wicked smile on my face I ordered a few things and had them rushed over.

Wow when this place promises rush delivery I didn't expect delivery in under an hour. I snuck the box into Jonathan's room and ripped it open like a kid at Christmas. I sneakily grabbed my bundles and hid each one in each of the guy's rooms. Being around the rogues was really rubbing off on me I think. Boy they in for a surprise when they got home. I giggled and sauntered back into Jonathan's room, time to play with Scarecrow. I slipped out of my clothes and into a straw hat, and only the hat. With a grin on my face I curled up like a cat on the bed and licked my lips.

"Oh Scarecrow? Please tell me you're nearby V needs you." I didn't have to wait long as he appeared and froze once he saw me. His burlap jaw was about on the floor and his eyes were burning fire. I lifted the brim of my straw hat and arched a bit on the bed. "Scarecrow come play with your V."

"**V…oh mama. Straw daddy likes.**" He leapt to the bed and had his burlap lips on mine in seconds. His tongue was down my throat and I gently bit on it to make him groan. I really hoped that he had more clothes because I wasn't exactly gentle when I ripped them off his frame. "**Gods V you must really want to be full of Scarecrow.**"

"Make me scream Crow." I pulled him back down to me by his noose and he didn't waste any time burying himself between my legs and taking me by force. I wrapped my legs around his lanky waist as he set a bone slamming tempo. My whole body was shaking as he clung to me making damn well sure that I felt every movement of his frame. He drove me higher and higher until I fell off the edge with a scream and he followed shortly after filling me with his hot tarry goodness. I had a smile on my face and he was panting as if he'd run ten miles.

"**Gods V. I don't know what I did to earn this treat but damn I hope I do it again.**" He was covered in sweat and rolled off of me with a kiss. "**Scarecrow needs to drag himself back to Johnnie boy now V. I love you my little scream queen.**" With an exhausted groan he was gone and I spent a moment regaining the ability to walk. I slipped into the shower and cleaned the tar and straw from my body.

I had just finished drying off when I heard the front door slam, I peeked out and sure enough it was Jonathan. He looked tired but hopefully not too tired. I squeezed into my next outfit, a sexy nurses uniform minus the panties. I ran my fingers though my hair and hoped that I put the hat on right. This outfit was so tight I was afraid that it would burst off my frame at any moment.

"Hey Jonathan could you come in here a moment?" I called out and leaned against his desk. He walked in and dropped his briefcase when he saw me leaning up against the wooden desk.

"V what…" I smirked as he was rendered speechless.

"I think I'm running a fever, do you think you could take my temperature?" I bit my lip and gave him an innocent look. I could see dark fire flash behind his eyes but it was pushed back almost as fast as it appeared. Scarecrow had his fun now it was time for my sexy doctor to play.

"V what seems to be the problem?" He stalked over to me and licked his lips. His hand was on my forehead and his eyes were glued to my body.

"I just feel so hot I think I'm coming down with something." I pouted and his hand moved from my head to my neck and he pulled me up to a kiss.

"Well I'll just have to take your temperature won't I?" His voice was breathless and husky. He ripped the top off my body and buried his face in my chest while his hands made short work of my skirt. He flipped me over so my chest was on his desk and he kissed my shoulders and back. I could hear a rustling of fabric and his pants hitting the floor. I nearly came as he shoved himself deep inside me and dug his nails into my hips.

"Oh doctor." I managed to call out as he groaned.

"Oh V you're burning up, let me give you some medicine." He slowly started thrusting in and out of me while kissing all over my back and neck. Papers and things were falling to the floor with the force of his pounding as he quickly picked up the pace. I clung to his desk as he took me over and over again. I saw stars behind my eyes as he sent me over the edge and filled me up with his medicine. He pulled out and flipped me onto my back to claim my lips with a burning kiss.

"Oh Jonathan I love you." I murmured and he groaned rubbing himself against me again.

"V you're going to be the death of me yet." He pulled away with a giant pout on his face as he fixed his suit.

"Don't go." I pouted and he leaned over me to lightly nip at my chin.

"Sorry V but Doctor Dick needs some time to restock his medicine cabinet. And he's late for his meeting." He buried his face in my hair and dragged his hand down my body one last time. "My woman, my V. I'll show you how much I love you later tonight." I could tell that he wanted to just take me again on his desk but he fixed his suit, grabbed his briefcase and devoured me with his eyes as he left.

"Damn meetings." I pouted and dragged myself to the shower yet again. I washed myself off with cold water to keep my mind clear and focused. It wasn't even lunch time yet and I was still starving. I padded out of Jonathan's room in just a towel and quickly headed to Edward's room. He usually popped in around this time to make sure I was still here and not kidnapped by the Batman. I giggled as I slipped into my next outfit.

"V? My little puzzle queen are you home?" Edward's voice rang through the house and I leaned up against his bed playing with my hair.

"In here E." I had a wicked grin on my face as he walked in. He literally dropped his cane and jaw at the sight before him. I was wearing a pair of see through green negligee. A nearly transparent pair of stockings, a barely there green bra and a lacy thong that made him drool.

"V!" He took a step towards me and I motioned for him to stop.

"Oh E it looks like I may have blown your mind. I need to make sure its all still there first." I pointed to the bed and he climbed into it while shedding his clothing. He looked like he was about to rip out of his own skin to get to me and I innocently ran a hand down my body. "I'm going to riddle you Edward, for every right answer something comes off." He licked his lips and dug his nails into his green silk sheets. "But if you get one wrong I put something back on."

"My puzzle queen." His eyes were everywhere and I was sure there was no blood left in his brain at this point. "Oh riddle me baby." I grinned and licked my lips as I slowly kneeled on the end of the bed.

"Okay E. Just remember no touching until you win this game." I was hoping he would play by the rules because I wasn't in any mood to say no if he didn't. "I am the beginning of the end, and the end of time and space, I am essential to creation and I surround every place. What am I?"

"Oh that is an easy one my queen, the letter E!" His eyes burned my body as I moved to remove one lacy stocking. I grinned and tossed it to the floor.

"Let's see if you can get this next one. The more you have of it the less you see what am I?" He had a triumphant grin on his face.

"Oh you make this too easy V. The answer is darkness." He was gripping the sheets of the bed so tightly his knuckles were white.

"Correct E." I slid off the other stocking and tossed it to the floor. He was panting holding himself back and I licked my lips slowly making him groan. "I drive men mad for the love of me, easily beaten but never free." I batted my eyes as he actually paused to think. He licked his lips after a moment and grinned.

"Gold?" He sounded unsure, and a big smile crept along my face as I ever so slowly slipped my bra off and let it fall next to me on the bed. He looked like a wild animal starving for its next meal but I wasn't going to give in just yet.

"It cannot be seen, it weighs nothing, but when put into a barrel it makes it lighter. What is it?"

"Air?" He was sounding more and more unsure of his answers and I could tell that his mind was obviously somewhere else. I pouted and slipped the bra back on.

"Oh no Eddie the answer was a hole." His eyes grew two sizes when he realized his mistake and a determined look crossed his face.

"Riddle me again my fiery temptress."

"One by one we fall from heaven down into the depths of the past. And our world is ever upturned so yet that some time will last."

"Oh you are the sand in an hourglass my little minx." His eyes were burning as I slipped the bra off yet again. I crawled over to him and held him down before he could kiss me.

"Oh we're not done yet E. I am lighter then air but a million men cannot lift me. What am I?"

"You my dear are a bubble." With that he flipped me over and the lacy panties were gone in a rip of fabric. His lips slammed against mine with bruising force as he buried himself deeply inside of me. We both groaned and he began claiming my body with his own. He was burning like fire and his lips kissed every inch of my skin they could, leaving bruising marks in their wake. I fisted my hand into his hair as he suckled on a sweet spot on my neck. He blew my mind over and over again until he had stuffed me with his riddles. With a groan he collapsed on top of me and I could feel his heart nearly pounding out of his chest.

"God Eddie, I've never seen you so possessed." I was breathless and my whole body was still shaking.

"V, my little puzzle queen." He was struggling to even speak. "Play with daddy like that again and I won't stop until I've riddled you full of puzzle babies." I kissed him softly and his hands tightened on my waist. A loud beeping came from the pocket of his pants on the floor and he actually pouted.

"Aww E don't go." I nuzzled against his chin and he sighed.

"I'll be back for you my love. Daddy just needs to kill the Batman first." He struggled to pull himself off the bed and dressed in a hurry. He looked ragged and still hungry for another taste of his puzzle queen. He was leaning against his cane heavily as I sat up and brushed my hair from my eyes.

"I love you Eddie, you better come home to me." He flashed a wolfish smile before dragging himself back off to battle with the bat. I was sure I'd used up all the hot water as I languished under the spray for longer then I should have. I hoped Joker was hungry because his little Mrs. was insatiable today. I dried my hair and put it up in a fluffed up style and grinned. I raided his makeup drawer and lined my eyes with dark makeup before slipping some blue lipstick on. I squeezed into the fishnet body suit and made sure that I looked sexy before walking out into his room. I almost thought that he wasn't coming home until I heard the door slam and things start breaking. My poor clown prince was having a bad day.

I opened the door to his room and watched him pace the living room talking to himself for a moment. Leaning against his door frame I grinned and tugged on my hair. Just before he could destroy another of our TV's I made my move.

"Hey Mr. J." I poured as much sex as I could into my voice and his head snapped around. The anger left his eyes and he dropped the remote to the floor with a thud. His tongue flicked against his scars as his mouth moved to speak. I walked over to him and slid my hands over his vest as I looked up at him. "Wanna make purple?"

He howled like an animal and crashed his lips onto mine. My suit didn't last a moment under his fingers and knives and he busted his zipper ripping his pants off. He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He slammed himself home and lifted me up and down on his length as he staggered towards his bed. I was slammed into the door frame hard driving him deep inside me with a groan. His lips were on mine and his scars met my tongue. He ripped his suit off and we finally made it to the bed. He pulled on my hair hard making my back arch. His mouth left mine and he took one of my breasts in his mouth to bite and suckle as he pounded me within an inch of my life. He put all his rage and aggression into his thrusts and I could barely keep up with him.

"Oh god Joker!" I came hard around him and the world felt like it was crashing around us. He bit down hard on my shoulder again bringing me back just in time for him to explode. We were both panting and he looked up at me, his lips now purple and his eyes still glowing.

"Well Mrs. J it seems like purple may be too much for you." He grinned and ran his tongue up my neck until he could kiss me. "Now my clown queen, rest up because once papa J gets home we're gonna make lots and lots of…purple." He nipped at my chin and slid off my body with a groan. He clicked his tongue as he grabbed what was left of his suit before dropping it to the floor. "Naughty, naughty." He redressed with another suit from his closet and licked his scars as he leaned against the door frame. "Oh Mrs. J, I hope you like fireworks because tonight Gotham's going up just for you." He giggled and ran a hand through his green hair. "Rest up Mrs. J. Big daddy J loves ya." He slipped back out of the house and I tried to slide off his bed. I didn't fall far and sat up with a wince.

"Well Mr. J it seems like we broke your bed, again." I managed to get to my feet and I looked down at all the purple lip marks on my body. I was really starting to like the color purple. I risked using Joker's shower and limped back to the only usable bed left in the apartments, Jonathan's. I collapsed under the covers and groaned as my head hit the pillows. I was spent. Keeping three husbands happy took a lot out of a girl. I fell asleep with a smile on my face and hoped the guys could be trusted to make their own dinner tonight. V was out for the count.


	30. The Culinary Clown

Housekeeping

_Thoughts_

**Sexy Scarecrow Voice**

Speaking

Chapter 29: The Culinary Clown

* * *

(Starting right off with the good stuff since my readers are just that awesome)

My pregnancy must be a big turn on to all the guys because Edward was kissing me like no tomorrow against his door. He'd actually willingly ripped his own shirt off and broke the zipper on his dress pants.

"V just knowing that a little puzzle baby is growing inside of you makes me so excited." Edward was kissing up and down my neck and his fingers were going wild inside of me.

My brain was about melted from my earlier romp with Scarecrow and I could only moan at his ministrations. He ripped out of his boxers and was inside me in seconds. The door started shaking in its hinges as Edward started pounding me to heaven. My legs were wrapped around his waist and my hands fisted in his hair. His mouth was everywhere leaving bruising kisses on my skin and I wasn't exactly being subtle. He drove me over the edge again and again before joining me with a low moan.

"Gods V, my riddle queen. Mother to my puzzle babies." He nuzzled against my neck and he moved us to the bed with shaky legs.

(There ya go)

* * *

I laid my head on his shoulder and traced his scar with my fingertips as he held me close. For now everything was alright with the world and I drifted off into an orgasmic induced slumber.

I wanted to roll over but I was so warm and toasty. I cracked my eyes open to find Edward just snuggling me with a grin on his face. His hand cupped my lower stomach gently and he had stars shining behind his eyes. I nuzzled against his chin and he chuckled a bit to himself.

"Okay V we can't spend all day in bed; even though I want to. I've gotta make sure that I keep both my babies fed so lets get some food in you hmm?" He untangled his limbs from mine and helped me into a pair of his boxers and one of his dress shirts. By the time I finished fixing my green hair he was already slipping a pair of pants on and pulling me out of bed.

"As long as Joker isn't cooking I think I'll be alright." I followed him into the kitchen but we both froze seeing none other then Joker cooking right in front of us.

"Ah finally up I see. Now that little clown in my wife's belly needs to get fed so put her at the table." He waved a large wooden spoon at Edward and I was instantly carted to a chair. Edward sat down nervously next to me and Scarecrow popped up to my right. He was just peeking over the top of the table at Joker and I tugged on his hat to get his attention.

"**Shh woman. I'm stalking my enemy, that painted freak nearly took out my Johnnie boy with cut vegetables. I need to find a way to kill him, and maybe get you off under the table.**" He shot a grin with his burlap lips before turning to watch Joker again. I suddenly became very nervous as Joker checked something in the oven before using the giant spoon to stir something in a large pot on top of the stove.

"Eddie I'm getting kinda scared." I looked over to him and he was pale. We shared a look before Joker slammed some bowls down on the counter. We both jumped and snapped our gazes to Joker. He poured some soup like liquid into both bowls and walked over to us. He set both steaming bowls down and tossed some spoons our way.

"Enjoy my little missus." Joker sat down and stared intently at me. "Now feed that brat growing in your stomach." He pointed at my bowl and I shakily picked up my spoon. I looked down at my bowl and my stomach actually growled. It looked like vegetable beef soup and smelled good. I took a small spoonful and tasted it. My eyes grew wide and I quickly began eating as if my life depended on it. This was friggin delicious! My bowl was nearly empty by the time Edward took his first bite. He gagged and it looked like it took all his willpower to swallow. He pushed his bowl to me and I quickly devoured it, I don't know what was in it but both me and my baby wanted more.

"Joker more please." I held out Edward's now empty bowl and Joker actually looked surprised. He cocked his eyebrow and looked at the empty bowls for a moment.

"You uh liked that?" He licked his scars and grabbed both bowels before refilling one and placing it in front of me. I ate six more bowls before my stomach screamed at me stop. I groaned and rubbed my belly making both Edward and Joker look shocked.

"I don't know what was in that but the baby loved it." I felt all warm and fuzzy inside and I leaned back in my chair. I thought Joker couldn't cook.

"Well now look at that, I did something that not even the great Edward Nigma could do." Joker taunted. "I cooked…and it was edible." He chuckled and dropped the dishes into the sink with a loud clank. All this food made me drowsy and I laid my head down on the table and fell asleep while Joker and Edward were bickering.

_Oh god I'm gonna be sick!_ My eyes snapped open and I quickly launched myself off the bed I was on and hurtled to the bathroom. I kicked the door shut behind me before emptying my stomach to the point it hurt. I dry heaved for awhile and clung to the porcelain throne until my eyes stopped watering. I took a few calming breaths and flushed away the mess before staggering to the sink to clean my mouth out. I brushed my teeth and gargled some mouthwash, twice.

"**Morning sickness already V?**" Scarecrow appeared behind me in the mirror and I groaned putting on my best puppy dog eyes. He chuckled and walked up behind me to wrap his arms around me. I leaned back against him and held onto his arms.

"Hey Crow?" Something had been plaguing me in the back of my mind.

"**Yea V**?" He nuzzled the top of my head and I smiled.

"Does Jonathan know anything about babies or am I going to need to get a doctor?" Scarecrow froze behind me and his eyes snapped open.

"**Uh you might wanna ask him. I never really thought about that, doesn't the baby just grow and pop out when it's ready?**"

"I wanna make sure that the baby grows up healthy. Kinda need a doctor or a nurse for that."

"**I'm gonna go get Jonathan from his meeting, maybe one of the other guys know. You should ask, I'll be back in two shakes of a Scarecrow's tail.**" He was gone in an instant and I sighed.

"Scarecrows don't have tails." I shook my head and left the bathroom in search of the other guys. Joker was cooking again and Edward was tied to a chair, gagged, with a bowl in front of him. It looked like torture and once he saw me he sent me a pleading look with his eyes.

"Ahh Mrs. J good timing. I'm testing out my new recipe for potato soup, care to partake?" Joker grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and I sat down. Edward was frantically shaking his head from side to side as if to warn me.

"Actually before I eat I had a question to ask both of you." Joker turned and looked at me with a confused look on his face.

"Shoot Mrs. J, what's on your mind?" He walked over and sat down at the table close to Edward. He pulled the gag out of Edward's mouth and leaned back in his chair.

"How much do you guys know about prenatal care? I want to make sure the baby's healthy but I wasn't sure if I should just go walk into a clinic or if you guys knew anybody." Both guys looked at me clueless.

"What brought this on V?" Edward was trying to free himself of his bonds without Joker noticing.

"Well I've started to get, um, morning sickness. And cravings." I rubbed my stomach wondering why I was craving nacho flavored ice cream.

"How far along are you Mrs. J?" Joker was resting his head on one of his hands and motioned towards my stomach.

"I have no idea Joker. I'd like to find out though, and I'm getting really hungry." I pouted and Joker was instantly on his feet spooning some potato soup into a bowl and setting it in front of me. I took a bite and the next thing I knew the bowl was empty.

"What exactly are you craving V?" Edward had gotten himself free and was now at my side gently rubbing my stomach. He looked like he didn't trust Joker's cooking at all.

"Well besides Jokers cooking, nacho flavored ice cream." I had a weird taste on my tongue and I quickly pushed Edward away and ran to the nearest bathroom. Once again my stomach emptied itself and my eyes burned. What the hell did this baby want? I sat in front of the toilet for awhile until I heard a knock from the door frame.

"Hey V, you look like hell." Jonathan looked worried and looked like he didn't want to come any closer.

"I'm not gonna hurt you Jonathan. The baby's just keeping me from eating that's all." I sighed and stood up with shaky legs. At once Jonathan was by my side holding onto me. He walked me to the sink where I brushed my teeth yet again and caught my breath.

"Maybe we should drop you off at a clinic." I snapped my gaze to Jonathan who raised a finger to my lips to shush me before I could snap at him. "We're kind of recognizable V. I don't want the bat finding out that you've got a future rogue growing in you." He pulled me against him and nuzzled into my hair with a sigh.

"What about Scarecrow? Is there a way that I can bring him along without him driving?" I peeked up at him as he stiffened.

"I really don't like that he can just pop into you at will V."

"**I could try it. I wanna see my little baby inside V anyways, they can do that ultrasound thing and I'll be the first to see them.**" Scarecrow appeared with a giant grin on his face.

"V I'm going to have a chat with Crow here, go try to get some food to stay in you." Jonathan ushered me out of the room towards the kitchen and I sat down once again. A bowl of soup was placed before me and Edward sat at my side.

"V I don't know how you eat this stuff but I'm not letting my baby starve." Edward sighed and rested his head on my shoulder. I nuzzled his hair making him chuckle before I dug into the soup. I tried to eat it slowly to see if that would help and it did a little bit. I managed to keep two bowls down and I celebrated a bit in my head.

"Okay V it's decided." Jonathan walked out of his room and adjusted his suit. "Scarecrow will go with you to make sure nothing happens but you're taking a few of Edward's goons with you. I'm sure he won't mind letting you borrow some to take you to the clinic."

"You're letting her go alone?" Edward was on his feet in an instant. "If anything happens to my wife or my baby I will personally riddle you to death Jonathan."

"Just go call your men, I'm sure V wants to get there and home as quickly as possible." Edward stalked to his room and I could hear him talking angrily on his phone. I stood up and looked down at my clothes.

"Do you guys think you can go without killing each other while I'm out?" I pouted and headed towards where I kept my small stash of clothing. I pulled out a loose fitting pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt.

"I'm sure we'll be fine V." Jonathan sounded unsure and I gave him a look. "It's just weird not having Scarecrow in my head all the time. Well he's there but he's not."

"And where is he?" I slipped into the clothing and pulled some shoes on.

'**Right here baby.**' The voice echoed in my head sending a strange buzzing behind my eyes. I blinked it away and I felt Scarecrow brush against my soul making me relax.

"Gotta let me know when you're gonna hop in me Crow. I don't like you sneaking into my body." I pouted and Jonathan sighed before walking over and wrapping his arms around me.

"Relax V I don't know how he feels for you but as long as it's not the icy chill of death I'll be fine." Scarecrow chuckled in the back of my head at this and I snuggled against Jonathan's chest.

"Actually Scarecrow feels all warm and fuzzy, like I'm full of kittens." Jonathan froze and Crow shifted uncomfortably against my soul.

"Kittens?" Jonathan looked shocked and a big grin spread across his face. "Scarecrow has a softer side?"

'**Damn it woman you're ruining my reputation with my host. I'm gonna have to pound him back into shape once we're done with everything.**' Crow huffed and I felt like I'd wounded his pride.

'_I'll make it up to you later my big strong straw daddy.'_ I purred in my head making him groan. I chuckled before pulling my attention back out of my head.

"V you looked a little dazed there." Jonathan was stroking my hair and I was about to say something before a loud pounding started on the front door. I was instantly shoved behind Jonathan who had a canister of fear gas ready to go. Edward waltzed out of his room in full Riddler suit and opened the door. Two confused looking goons waltzed in wearing green outfits. They looked halfway normal but very uncomfortable.

"Finally I called you buffoons almost five minutes ago! Here's the address wait outside and bring her right home or I'll end you both." Edward hissed and Jonathan relaxed.

"I'll hurry home." I pulled Jonathan down for a kiss before walking over to Edward and kissing him as well. He relaxed against me but still shot a murderous glare at his goons. They quickly ushered me out to a small white car and strapped me into the passenger seat. The goon driving wasn't taking any chances and drove like an old woman.

Eventually we made it to a small clinic on the edge of Gotham and they waited outside while I walked in. I checked in and they didn't ask for much information, which I was glad because I didn't even have my ID with me. All too soon I was taken into the back where they seemed to rush through all the tests. I was weighed, had to pee in a cup, blood drawn, temperature, etc. My head was spinning from being carted around so quickly and I was finally sitting down on a table. A tired looking nurse carted in the ultrasound machine and had me lie on my back.

"Ah that's cold!" She had me pull my shirt up and pants down while she squirted the cold jelly on my belly.

'**This is weird V. What is that goop? It makes me feel queasy.**' Crow poked at my mind and shifted uncomfortably.

'_Don't you dare throw up inside my head. And its ultrasound jelly, they use it to help slide the machine around I think.'_ The nurse pressed the machine against my stomach and moved it around until she could get a clear picture of my baby.

'**What are those little squiggly things? Is that a baby or a parasite?**' Crow squeezed against my soul as he tried to get a better view through my eyes.

"Well would you look at that." The nurse sounded sarcastic and took some pictures for me to take home with me.

"Is that?" My eyes were wide and my jaw dropped.

"Congratulations, its twins. You look to be about six weeks along and they look healthy so far." The nurse handed me the pictures and a towel to clean myself off.

"Wait so I'm about a month and a half already?" I was that far along? How did I not notice this before?

'**Twins.**' Scarecrow went silent after that and I wondered if he actually passed out. I cleaned myself off and thanked the nurse. She just handed me a card and a prescription for some prenatal vitamins. I officially had a nurse to oversee the babies and I was a little dizzy from the information. Twins. Two babies. I had two babies growing inside me. The two goons dropped me back off at home and drove off just as quickly as they'd arrived. I walked inside and saw all three guys pacing nervously; they froze and turned their gazes to me once I'd closed the door.

"Well?" Joker blurted out.

"Is the baby healthy?" Edward was wringing his cane between his hands tightly.

"Are you alright V?" Jonathan kept looking from me to my stomach.

"Well I'm fine," I pulled the pictures from my pocket. "And I brought pictures of the babies."

"Babies?" All three men choked out with wide eyes.

"Yea looks like I'm having twins." All three men were pale and a collective thud when down as all three of them passed out. My eyes went wide and shock flooded my system. Scarecrow appeared next to me pale and rubbed the back of his head.

"**Give them time V. They're all new daddies and need to let their minds adapt to the fact that there's gonna be two bundles of chaos instead of one.**" He moved to rub my stomach softly. "**Two little crows to cause worldwide domination.**"

"What am I going to do about the guys though, they're gonna wake up right?"I bit my lip nervously.

"**Well I have an idea of what we could do while they're out.**" Crow chuckled huskily into my ear and pulled me towards Joker's room.


	31. Roguing Out

Housekeeping

_Thoughts_

**Sexy Scarecrow Voice**

Speech

A/N: Hey guys hope you like this next to last chapter. And no I'm not ending the series I'm starting a sequel so squeal with joy! Let me know what you think as I prepare Gotham for its newest Rogue!

Chapter 30: The Joys of Having Twins/Turning Rogue

* * *

I can't believe I'm already two months along. I sighed and poked at my stomach starting to see the swelling where my babies were growing in me. I was still having my bouts of morning sickness and craving anything Joker cooked. The guys were running around like headless chickens trying to start getting things ready for the babies. I sighed again and stalked to the kitchen to try and find some food before anyone got home. Sure in the past couple of weeks the guys were playing nice but I don't know how long that would last.

I plopped down at the table with a giant container of last nights 'Joker Potato Soup' and dug in. I don't know why the guys don't eat this with me it's friggin delicious. But then again that could just be the babies talking. Edward actually turns green when he tries to eat with me and Jonathan won't eat anything but salads lately. I hear a scraping sound coming from my dish and I look down. Oh great I just ate another gallon of soup. I'm gonna end up a friggin whale at this rate. With a groan I stood up and dumped the container into the sink.

"Now where could they be? Usually Jonathan and Edward have stopped in by now to check on me." I looked up at the clock in agitation, lately I've been getting kind of cranky off and on. Must be a hormone thing I guess. I tapped my nails on the counter top for another ten minutes before I sighed and walked into the living room. I collapsed onto the couch with a frown and clicked on the TV. We'd gone through several since the news of the impending bundles of chaos. I turned to the news and I stared blankly at the screen in shock.

"This is Brenda Starr with Gotham this evening! Today was a great accomplishment in the life of Batman and his side kick Robin! Earlier today they caught not just one but three of Gotham's nefarious Rogues!" Pictures of my Edward, Jonathan and Joker flashed up on the screen and I felt nauseous. I nearly went boneless and dropped the remote on the couch next to me as I tried to concentrate on the news. I wanted to stab something, or make it scream. Hell I'd start throwing out Riddles at this point. With a sniffle I looked back at the TV. "All three Rogues are safely back in Arkham Asylum which recently has been reopened as accounts of all patients have come back accurate. The streets of Gotham are safe once more all thanks to that dramatic crime fighting duo…" I threw the remote at the TV so hard that it blew up.

"How the hell did they get caught?" I wrapped my arms around my stomach protectively trying to shield my babies from my own anger. Was this my fault? Did the babies throw the men off their game? Had I made them soft and dulled their edges? What was I going to do now? I stood up and started pacing trying to pull ideas up to save them. I wasn't super crazy like Joker, I couldn't just rush in and stab or blow people up to get my way. I wasn't super smart like Edward; I couldn't sneak in or hack them out. The only thing I had of Jonathan was Scarecrow and his fear gas. I blinked for a moment before bellowing at the top of my pissed off mommy lungs.

"SCARECROW!" I swear that the room echoed and I had smoke coming out of my ears. The bruise on my chest throbbed once then twice before I saw a straw hat peek out at me from around the corner. At the sight of me crying and holding my stomach his eyes widened and he was wrapping me up in his arms tightly.

"**Oh hey honey. Um…did you see the news today?**" He rocked me slowly from side to side and my anger melted. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his straw chest and just started bawling my eyes out. "**Oh don't cry my little scream queen. Please calm down. I'll think of something.**"

"I'm going to be pregnant and alone." I wailed before sniffling and looking up at him. My moods today were freaking me out one moment I was depressed and the next I wanted to stomp something. "Why the hell did they get caught?" Scarecrow looked confused and sat me down at the couch before rubbing my back.

"**Relax V it's the pregnancy hormones making you a little crazy. Calm it down before the babies get riled up.**" He licked his burlap lips and took of his straw hat and placed it on my head. "**Now calm it down. Straw daddies here and he's going to try and make it all better.**"

"Okay I think I've calmed down." I felt better actually. I really hoped I wasn't like this the entire pregnancy; the guys would be terrified of me. "What are we going to do? I want my men back." I sighed and leaned up against his shoulder.

"**V you're pregnant. I'm not letting you rush head long into danger and risk loosing our little bundles of hellish joy.**" He rubbed my stomach and gave me a firm glare.

"They're my husbands Crow. I'm not going to sit around helpless while they're back in that hell hole." Crow chuckled and nuzzled against my neck.

"**Oh V I love it when you seethe. Jonathan and I are making plans off and on. It'd be more often but they've given him those damned drugs again to muffle my voice in his head.**" He sighed and tugged on his noose out of anxiety. "**I don't like it when he starts thinking on his own. Kid needs an extra head on his shoulders to keep him balanced.**"

"That's it Crow. I'm going Rogue and finding a way to save my men." I huffed before sighing and biting my lip. "But I don't have an outfit or a special power. If Batman showed up I'd probably run away screaming and hide in another vent."

"**That's always a good thing my little scream queen. You seriously don't want to get wrapped up in the ****Gotham**** underworld though. You're too soft and squishy they'd eat you alive.**" Crow sounded like he was scolding me and I looked up at him after a moment.

"I'm doing this Scarecrow. Screw Batman. If I have to blow up half the city to save the men I love I will. I'm going to start brainstorming now about an outfit, then a name…" I trailed off as a roll of nausea hit my stomach. "Oh god I'm gonna throw up." I ran to the nearest bathroom and once again greeted the porcelain throne with a bow.

"**I'm pretty sure random bouts of nausea and pregnancy hormones won't scare off Batman sweetheart.**" Crow rubbed my back softly and I sighed. "**I've got to try and get back to Johnnie boy now. If I hear that you've so much as left this house I'm going to give you the spanking of a life time.**" He took his hat back and gave me a half hearted smile. "**Oh hell you know we'd both like it. Just stay safe for the babies sake okay V? Remember Scarecrow loves you.**" With that he was gone and I sat on the bathroom floor thinking up ways to kill the Batman.

"Okay I've got a name but now I just need an outfit. Maybe something armored so I'm not so squishy." I was clicking around online trying to find an outfit for my new rogue persona. I'd decided on the name Mystery frankly because I couldn't think of anything that would go with all three guys. I didn't look like a Jester or a Crow. With a sigh I leaned back in my chair and wondered how the guys came up with their outfits. I rubbed my stomach absentmindedly while my mind drifted off. Going back into Arkham as a housekeeper was out of the picture. I didn't know if Larry had any friends still inside and those chemicals would surely hurt my babies.

"What colors should I even use? Edward's more of a green, Joker's purple and Jonathan's well I'd probably say more of a red or is he maybe blue?" I sighed and rubbed my eyes as I'd been sitting here for over three hours trying to think of a basic color scheme to begin my outfit. I had some weapons that the guys left behind that I could use. Joker left behind some of his knives, Edward left one of his canes and some of his sleeping gas, and Jonathan had left behind a small stash of his fear toxin. I was quickly gnawing through a pencil trying to get my creative juices flowing.

I threw the pencil across the room with a groan and pulled myself out of the chair and rubbed my ass. I stalked to the kitchen and raided the fridge for some orange juice before pacing. I needed a look to go with my new name. I needed a look then maybe some goons…wait goons! All three men had some goons left out of Arkham right? But would they work for the wife of their bosses? I plopped down in a chair and held my head in my hands. What am I going to do?

"Cat girl outfit? Nope that's been done. Nothing skimpy, something with armor. Hmmmm." I was bent over a drawing pad trying to draw something now. I didn't want a skirt so I stuck with pants, well kind of like tights that look like pants. Maybe some shorts over the tights? "Hey I know purple tights with green shorts and a green top with purple sleeves!" I quickly drew it down and wondered how I would incorporate red into it. "Maybe blood red armor?" A wicked grin crossed my lips as I drew red armor over my outfit. "And then a symbol." I drew a big green question mark on the back of my outfit drawing with a smile. I had a first draft of my outfit I felt so giddy.

"Now which contact is his goons?" I was going through Edward's phone trying to find a contact for some of his goons and I was getting frustrated. He had names but nothing that screamed 'Goon or Thug'. "Maybe I could put a riddle out in the paper, wait can any of Edward's thugs even answer a simple riddle?" I hung my head and groaned as I felt a headache coming on. Was it always this stressful trying to plot like this? Wait a second, I'll just go back through his call logs and call the two goons he called to drive me to the clinic! I nearly danced at my epiphany and I went back through his calls until I found one number that matched up. "Well, well Zachary Stevens lets hope you're not locked up because you're all I've got." I dialed the number and held the phone to my ear as my nerves started shaking me to the bones.

"Boss?" A nervous male voice filled the phone and my eyes lit up in joy. I'd found a thug! But what do I say?

"Actually this is the Boss's old lady." I thought he'd hung up on me before he spoke again.

"Uh, hello?" He sounded confused and I bit my lip.

"I'm trying to round up some of Riddler's minions and you are going to help me." Okay I sounded firm right? I'm not going to let them know I'm freaking out right now.

"Is that so?" He was starting to sound cocky, time to break his balls.

"Oh so I should tell Riddler that you've all abandoned his wife?"

"Damn honey calm it down. How many of us do you need and where should we go?" He sounded like a kicked puppy.

"Come to the house where you picked me up and bring four other guys. I don't want the bat getting curious."

"Alright I'll round up some boys and show up. Hope you know what you're getting into little lady." With a click he hung up and I jumped off the bed and danced around Edward's room. I had goons!

"Oh wait, what should I have them do?" I raided Edward's closet and grabbed one of his smallest coats and hats. I then ran to Joker's room and found a pair of his pants that fit, after some creative hemming with a switchblade. I then ran to Jonathan's room and slipped into one of his shirts and hooked up his fear toxin canisters to his hidden mechanism that he'd left behind. I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror, it would have to do for now but I really needed my own outfit and soon.

I sat on the couch nervously fiddling with the fear toxin canisters when the door opened and five men waltzed right in dressed to the teeth in green. They froze when they saw me wearing Edward's colors and the cocky grins faded off their faces and they sat down quietly like puppets.

"You all know that Riddler is back in Arkham?" They all nodded and exchanged glances. "Well I'm starting to build an army to break him and two others out."

"Wait what others?" One of the goons got defensive and I narrowed my eyes at him. I really hoped I was being scary.

"Why my other two husbands of course, Jonathan Crane and Joker." I swear that all five men just peed themselves. Their eyes grew wide and paled until I thought they were ghosts.

"Wait you're…her?" One of the goons finally spoke up.

"You guys already have a name for me?" I lifted an eyebrow as all five men shared a glance and sat up a little straighter. Was this fear or respect? Maybe I should have had Scarecrow sit in with me.

"Everyone's been calling you the Manic Mystery." One of the goons looked like he could barely choke out the name. I just smiled as I already had a name, kind of a weird one but one all the same.

"Manic Mystery?" I lifted an eyebrow and one of the other goons cleared his throat.

"Yes Ma'am. Now what can we do for you today?" He sounded like a greeter at Wal-Mart. Speaking of Wal-Mart I was starving.

"Well first off I need a suit, and one of you needs to run to Wal-Mart and get me some Subway and some peppermint tea." One of the goons stood up with a salute.

"What kind and how much?" He was sweating, this poor guy was sweating bullets as if I were about to shoot him.

"Foot long veggie with lettuce, tomato, black olives, spinach, Parmesan cheese, mayo and on Italian herbs and cheese bread. And for the tea just bring a lot." With a blink the goon was gone and I was impressed. Why didn't I have any goons?

"I'll go find the dressmaker for you Ma'am." Another goon stood up and saluted me before running off after the other. I blinked in confusion.

"The dressmaker?" I tapped my chin in thought as one of the three remaining goons spoke up.

"Down in part of China town there's a guy that makes suits for the Rogues. Well he usually just makes them for Joker and Two-Face but I'm sure he'd make an exception for you." This goon was bald and seemed to be crying. What the hell did Edward do to these guys?

"Ah good. Now if we're going to do this I want damn sure that the Batman and his side kick are distracted to the point of being unable to single out any Rogues. I also want the cops kept busy." I pondered for a moment as one of the goons got a big smile across his face.

"Ah I see what you want Ma'am. I know a few pyrotechnic specialists that could help keep the cops busy. What do you have in store for Batman and his Robin?" This goon had long blonde hair that was gelled up in a Mohawk. He had painted a white mask across his tan face and large combat boots on.

"Oh something that will defiantly distract them both and give the boys a show." I chuckled darkly and all three men went ghostly pale again. "You two go gather some men and call me on Riddler's private line once you're ready." They both ran out the door as if they were in fire and the last goon was sweating bullets.

"Is it true that you're married to the Scarecrow too?" His eyes were wide and I'd always wanted to try this. I grinned and stood up slowly; I walked over to him and pretended to fix something on my sleeve.

"Oh is that doubt in your voice? Tell me, what are you afraid of?" With that I shot my wrist out and a spray of white powder flew into the goons face. He began gasping for air and screaming. He clutched the arms of the chair white knuckled and looked at me as if he were staring into the face of evil itself. This was really addicting and the bruise on my chest flared hot for a moment.

"**Damn V. Remind me to stop leaving you alone around Jonathan's toxins.**" He grinned and pulled me to the side. The goon was staring right into Scarecrow's face now and was so choked up with fear that he couldn't scream anymore. Scarecrow got a wicked sadistic smile on his face and disappeared for a moment. When he reappeared he had some rope and tied the goon down tightly. "**Now V do you know what happens when you lure a Scarecrow to your home with a scream?**" He turned his attention to me and for a moment he seemed to have a demonic glow about him.

"Crow?" His eyes were burning fire and he reminded me of the first time I'd seen him, powered up with fear and nearly godlike.

"**Oh no my little siren, lure a Scarecrow to your home with a scream and you get a raging fire in your bed.**" He picked me up and within seconds I was in Joker's room. It was almost like he'd teleported me and my eyes were wide in shock. The goon had started screaming again something about spiders and his third grade teacher. I blinked as Scarecrow ripped the clothing from my body with his talons and was dripping black tar from his mouth as if he were rabid.

* * *

(No stopping it now just grab a flashlight and try to survive.)

"Crow are you still in there?" He chuckled and pinned me to the bed so hard that I couldn't move. My eyes were wide; he'd never looked like this before. Was he rabid? Did I accidentally open something that I should have left closed?

"**Oh daddy's home V and he likes what he sees.**" With that he crushed his burlap lips to mine and started stroking me with his taloned fingers. I grabbed his noose with my now free hand but he pushed it aside and ripped his clothing off his body. His tongue left trails of frothy tar down my body and he shoved his mouth on me. I gasped as his tongue went wild inside me and his burlap lips made my legs shake. He held my hips against his mouth like I was a feast. His tongue was making me boneless and I fisted my hands into the sheets. I was breathing in gasps until I came screaming.

He chuckled and crawled back up my body slowly like a cat stalking his prey. His eyes burned into mine and he smiled big showing his sharp blackened teeth. "**My scream queen, mother to my children.**" His mouth was on mine again as he slammed himself home in me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he groaned before starting a slow and deep pace.

"Oh god Mrs. Snickerblat it wasn't me I swear. Don't hit me again I'll be a good boy!" The goon was still screaming in the background but his screams just seemed to drive Scarecrow on.

"Scarecrow what about…" I whimpered as I nearly came from one deep thrust, I was feeling what Crow was feeling and my mind almost couldn't take it. Moments later I had stars flying past my eyes but he didn't stop, he seemed to just keep going.

"**The world will burn around us and I'll make you a throne of screaming fleshlings.**" He murmured in my ear and picked up his pace until I swear he was going to rip me in half. I blacked out as I came again and Scarecrow bellowed with his own release. My body was on fire and my mind felt linked to his.

(Okay come out from under the bed it's over now.)

* * *

I woke up panting and Scarecrow was lying next to me with a glazed expression on his face. I felt boneless but I still managed to lift an arm and drop it on his face. He blinked and looked at me as if seeing me for the first time. His eyes widened and he looked shocked.

_"_**_V oh hell what did I do?_**_"_ He sat up and winced as if he were in pain. He grabbed his head and groaned._ "_**_Oh hell._**_"_

"What the hell was all that Crow?" The screaming goon had been reduced to babbling like a baby and I hoped I hadn't broken him. Crow groaned and held his head in his hands.

_"_**_Well V, uh that was me officially claiming you as mine_.**_"_ He rubbed his face with a taloned hand and sighed_. "_**_Before you ask it kinda means that both you and Jonathan are stuck with me._**_"_

_"Wait what?" _I managed to sit up and rubbed my stomach gently hoping that I hadn't traumatized my unborn children.

_"_**_Uh V it means that…_**_" _He trailed off.

_'Scarecrow what the fuck did you do?' _Jonathan's voice bellowed in my head and I froze. My eyes grew wide and Scarecrow rubbed the back of his head nervously.

_'Jonathan?__' _I timidly spoke into my head and I felt Scarecrow stiffen and another presence freeze in my mind.

_'V? Oh hell no. Crow you didn't!'_

_'_**_Sorry Johnnie boy, got lost in myself a bit and laid some framework in my woman.'_**

**_'_**_Scarecrow get your ass back in Arkham we need to have a talk.' _Jonathan's voice echoed in my head and I had a buzzing feeling behind my eyes that was making them water. _'And you V, seriously? I'm not sure if I'm more turned on or angry that you used my toxin without asking. We're going to have a long talk later too. And I swear to god if I find out that you're about to take on the Batman I'll…'_

_'Okay I won't tell you then.' _I gave Scarecrow a glare and he kissed me before disappearing. I could feel him pulling away from me and it was like I was in two places at once. This couldn't be good for my babies I just knew it. I took a shower and re-dressed before giving the babbling goon some antidote. He passed out and I untied him, I had just re hidden the ropes when two goons burst in excitedly.

"The dressmaker will make you a suit Mystery!" The one goon was jumping with joy.

"I've got your food!" The other had my lunch and the tea. I gave a weak smile and motioned for them to head to the kitchen. I rubbed my head as I sat down and inhaled my food like I hadn't eaten in days.

"Whenever you're ready the dressmaker will start a suit for you. We just need to get you to him and he'll take your measurements and color preferences." The one goon had made tea for everyone and we sipped from our cups silently.

"Until Boss is freed we'll both be your personal body guards, your own goon squad." The other goon nodded and leaned back in his chair. "I'm Zach and this," He pointed to the other guy who had short cropped brown hair and brown eyes. "This is Gerald." I looked back at Zach he had black hair that hung into his eyes and didn't look older then twenty. He had a healthy tan to him and looked like he could take care of himself in a fight. Gerald was pale and looked more like he was at home in front of a computer then fighting. I nodded and sipped my tea with a sigh.

"Well then, let's go see the dressmaker." I adjusted my outfit as I stood and looked around my apartment. I really hoped I was ready for this because I needed to break my men out now more then ever. And once I did, Scarecrow and Jonathan had a lot of explaining to do.


	32. Mystery is Born

Housekeeping

_Thoughts_

**Sexy Scarecrow Speech**

Speech

Chapter 31: Mystery is born

* * *

The drive into China town was a silent one and the tension in the car could be cut with a knife. I'd taken off Edward's hat and set it gently on my lap almost as if it could help reassure both me and my babies that we'd be alright. I had to do this; I had to get my men back. The phone in my pocket seemed to get heavier the longer I had it and I bit my lip nervously. The car turned into an alley behind a worn down old laundry mat that seemed to be closed. It parked along the side and Gerald let out a heavy sigh before looking back at me.

"This is as far as we can take you. We'll wait out here but he won't let anyone go in with you. Kinda his rules." He seemed uneasy and watched as Zach got out of the car and opened my door. He held his hand out to me and I took it as he helped me out into the alley. The air felt damp against my skin and I was nearly crushing the bowler hat in my hand with how hard my hands were shaking.

"Relax; he won't do anything to you. If you weren't welcome he wouldn't have summoned you." Zach whispered as if the walls were listening in.

"Wait I was summoned? I thought he agreed to suit me up." My eyes were looking everywhere making sure that no pesky bats or birds were listening in.

"That's how it goes, you get summoned and you show up. You always show up." He closed the car door behind me and got back into the passenger seat. Both men were making me even more nervous as I walked to the beaten down metal door just down from where we parked. I raised my hand to knock and the door opened into a darkened room, a giant cavernous room lay empty before me. I walked in and just as I made it to the center of the room the door slammed closed with a heavy thud. I looked around and saw that the room was empty save for a platform near where I was standing and a mirrored wall along one side.

"Strip now please." I nearly jumped out of my skin as an elderly asian woman appeared next to me. Her gray hair and wrinkled face made me feel safe as if I were greeting the elderly grandmother of a friend. I nodded and handed her my clothing as I stripped down to my underwear. She poked at my stomach and clicked her tongue. "Baby will require extra protection; I will go see what we have in the back. Go stand on the platform and he will begin making your new skin." She left and disappeared into a door that was hidden behind one of the mirrored panels.

I took a deep breath and walked over to the platform and cautiously stood upon it. As soon as I did a bright light clicked on above me making my shadow a stark contrast on the floor. I stood up straighter when I saw multiple stains and spots of blood ingrained in the wood under my feet. Would my blood join them if the dressmaker found me unworthy or undressable? A green light appeared on the wall I was facing and a voice whispered in my ear nearly making me jump.

"Stare at the light, look anywhere else and you forfeit the lives of both you and your baby." I wasn't sure if the voice was male or female but my gaze was locked on the green light until it filled my vision. I could feel hands along my body taking measurements and poking here and there testing the strength of my muscles. I bit my lip hard when I felt a hand pushing against my lower stomach. It was as if my babies were being tested as well. "More then one baby. Very strong babies, stubborn like mother will survive." The voice seemed to be thinking out loud but I didn't dare lower my eyes from the light.

I felt a tape measure being dragged across my skin as the light started climbing up the wall towards the ceiling. My gaze followed it until I was craning my neck at an almost painful angle to keep it in my vision. My arms were moved out to my sides and my legs kicked apart as more measurements were taken. It felt like I'd been standing for hours and my body was becoming slick with sweat from the heat of the light above me. I would be strong, I'm not backing down. I've come so far I won't give up! A pair of cold hands started pulling fabric over my frame and pinning it down before pulling it off again.

"You need special undergarments as well. I will send in my wife to get your sizes." I heard a scuffle and an exchange of speech and I didn't understand a word of it. Soon I heard a door close and the soft voice of the elderly woman I met when I arrived.

"Relax child, I will take your measurements. Keep your eyes on the light and relax." She removed my underwear and started measuring my sizes, the room was cold on my sweat soaked skin and I swallowed heavily. Once she was done I felt a pair of lips on my lower stomach and a hand stroking over my babies. She was singing something softly to them and I relaxed hoping that my nerves weren't agitating either of them. "Your babies are fighters like their mother. You will have both your hands full with them." She chuckled and the light lowered until I was staring straight ahead again. She let me relax and I covered my chest with my hands and squeezed my legs shut as she left the room. I could hear her shuffling off with my undergarments and I blinked away the dots floating before my eyes.

The light above me had dimmed and I was shivering from the cold by the time I heard a shuffling behind me. My hands were pulled from my chest and I felt fabric being slid into place covering my breasts from the air. I couldn't tell what kind of fabric but I wasn't about to ask. Soon my legs were being pinched until I stepped into what felt like a stretchy thong. It sat high on my hips and covered where my babies lay within me. I felt a little better now that I was exposed but I was starting to hurt from the constant standing. One of my legs was lifted and slid into what felt like a body suit, and soon the other joined it. The suit clung to my skin in a way that felt very pleasant. My arms soon joined my legs in sliding into the fabric and it stretched over my body until it reached my neck. My chest still felt cold and I felt a finger trailing in a heart shape over my cleavage.

"Heart left open to show love for husbands, distract enemies and cute." The voice was quiet but I never let my eyes wander from the green light in front of me. The suit I was in felt like I was wearing nothing at all and I wondered how it was made so quickly. Soon a pair of what felt like shorts were slid up my frame and I heard a clicking of what sounded like clasps on the sides of one of my hips closing them into place.

"Armored fabric to protect both you and children, Kevlar to protect against stabbing and bullets, but force will harm children. Avoid being shot at all costs." The voice almost sounded angry and before I could say anything it felt like a chest harness or a belted top was slid around my breasts. I could still feel air on my cleavage so it was open around the heart but it felt armored around just about everything else. I could breathe easily in it though so I tried to calm my racing heart.

"Top Kevlar as well breathable, flexible and silent." A pair of armored gloves were pulled onto my arms, they rested from my hands to my elbows. The fingers were left open and I wiggled them a bit as the gloves were tightened. It felt like the gloves themselves were made of belts and clasps. Soon my feet were lifted and slipped into a pair of heavy boots. I could feel that they were armored and went up to my knees. My outfit almost felt complete and I nervously shifted from foot to foot.

"Close your eyes, open them and this beautiful skin will be soaked with your blood." I snapped my eyes shut so fast that they hurt and I could still see the green light burnt into the back of my eyes. It would take awhile to wipe that vision away and I felt a type of mask slid into place along my eyes it was almost like a domino mask but shaped differently. It felt like it were a part of my skin but heavier. I kept my eyes closed and my outfit was tugged here and there, tightened and loosened until it felt like it was a part of me. I heard a click and a quick shuffling of feet then a sudden door closing. "Open your eyes and take in your new skin. Awaken Mystery, wife of the dark ones." I cautiously opened one eye then the other. I looked around and saw the room was empty. My legs were shaky as I turned to face the mirrored wall and took in my new form.

"Wow." My bodysuit was a dark aqua in color and looked really well with my green hair; it would look amazing if my hair were to go back to its natural red as well. The armor was black and seemed to suck in the light around it to shadow my form. My mask was an almost diamond shaped mask with mirrored lenses. I walked up to the mirror and saw the lenses were tinted dark blue and not silver. Somehow they had cut several inches off my hair without me noticing and now it was up in a high ponytail but had two sections hanging off near my eye level.

I ran my hands up the gloves and saw that they were pretty much belted straps of material and would take awhile to get on or off; I would have to be cautious on where I took them off at. The fingers were cut off so I could grab things easily and I wiggled them in front of my face. The gloves would come in handy but if I needed to flee or dress quickly I wouldn't have time to tighten them enough. My boots had belted straps up the sides but the other three sides were solid armor and flexible. I leaned around watching them flex before moving to my shorts. They looked almost like leather with armored plating built in but stretchable and one side had clasping belts along the inside to hold it closed, and in no way would harm my babies. The top had armor over my shoulders and sides and was belted under my breasts. The armor also extended to cover my breasts and another strap slid across the very top of my cleavage across my collar bone. I pulled at the top to make sure that my movement wouldn't accidentally pop it open. It was almost like a sports bra on steroids and kept me from bouncing around for which I was extremely thankful. I ran a hand down the material of my bodysuit and wondered what it was. I couldn't place it; it was almost rubbery in texture yet fabric. Could it be Kevlar as well? Maybe a synthetic rubber to help stop electrical shocks?

"Go Mystery enjoy your new skin, several more have already been delivered to your home and await your discretion." The elderly woman was back and she held out the clothing I came in with. It had all been hemmed and fixed to the point it looked new. I took it from her and felt the phone still in the pocket and the hat almost looked as if it had been freshly ironed to perfection. "Stay safe, and love both your little ones equally." The woman bowed and backed towards the mirror.

"Thank you." She nodded and shooed me towards the door where I stepped out into the light. I blinked as the air felt freezing cold on my skin and the door slammed closed behind me. I walked back to the car in a daze and Zach opened the back door for me to slide in. The ride back was silent and I caught both men eying me more then once in the rear view mirror. Thankfully the mirrored lenses in my mask made it impossible for them to see that I was watching their every move.

"You're going to be a force to be reckoned with Mystery." Gerald's voice was soft when we arrived home and he parked the car. "Not everyone who goes in comes back out, especially the women. I can count on one hand the number of women and you're about it."

"I'm going to check out the place before you go back in, make sure we didn't have any guests." Zach slipped out of the car and cautiously stepped into the apartments, I didn't realize that he'd had a gun on him the entire time until he pulled it out and disappeared inside. I felt strangely calm and kinda hungry. A few moments later Zach came back out and gave Gerald a thumbs up. Gerald quickly got out of the car and opened the door for me. He took the pile of clothing and helped me out of the car. My new shoes crunched against the gravel on the ground as I walked back into my apartments. The atmosphere felt different, I felt different.

When I stepped inside there were several dress boxes lying on the table in front of the television and I knew that they were more of my suits. There were also several pairs of boots lying under the table. I took a deep breath and my heart ached because I could almost smell the cologne that Edward always loved to wear. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the last bowl of 'Joker potato soup' from the fridge and began heating it up. I looked at the clock and saw that I'd been gone almost eight hours. My stomach growled as I put the now steaming bowl of soup on the table.

"Do you want us to stay for awhile Mystery? We can set up camp in one of the empty rooms…" Gerald trailed off and my head snapped up. It seemed almost sacrilege to let any other man sleep where my husbands lay their heads.

"No. Don't even think about touching anything of my husbands." I snapped and both men took a quick step back as if I'd hit them. I felt like crying because I didn't have my men here to hold me and I'm sure that Scarecrow would be giving me a verbal beat down once he showed up, if he showed up.

"Alright, we'll set up camp outside. We'll pitch a tent or get a van." Zach slowly backed away taking Gerald with him. Gerald set the pile of clothing on the couch and both he and Zach quickly left. Once they were gone and the door shut behind them I felt tears falling down my face. I didn't know what to do, I felt lost like I was falling down into a deep pit that I needed to fight my way out of. I took a deep breath and started eating my soup before it got cold. I carefully nibbled at each bite to make sure I didn't spill any on my new suit and I could almost feel my babies' elation at the food they were finally getting.

I tried to pace myself but all too soon the bowl was empty and Joker never left the recipe. I licked the spoon clean and looked down at the empty bowl with a sigh. I dumped the dishes carelessly in the sink and walked into Jokers room and sat down on the edge of his bed. I picked up one of his pillows and could still smell him on the sheets, holding the pillow against me I went into Edward's room. His pillow joined Jokers and I trudged to Jonathan's room. I collapsed on the bed and held all three mens pillows against myself and nuzzled against them as if they could somehow become the men I love. I felt a strange buzzing behind my eyes and I closed them almost picturing Jonathan thinking about me. A sad smile crossed my features and I reached out almost feeling him brush against my soul the way Scarecrow does.

'_Victoria is that you?'_ Jonathan's voice echoed in my head and I nuzzled against his pillow. His voice almost hurt more then it comforted me.

'_Yea it's me. I got summoned to the dressmaker today.'_ I let my thought trail off as I felt something cold flash against his presence in my head.

'_He gave you a new skin.'_ There weren't any questions in his mind just a flat voice void of all emotion. This really hurt, I wanted to crush him to my chest and have him tell me that everything would be alright.

'_Yea a new skin and a name, seems he knew that I would want to rescue you all before I did.'_ I curled into a tighter ball around the pillows wishing for some form of warmth or comfort. I was alone in this and I wasn't sure who was more scared, me or Jonathan.

'_I'm not going to help you kill yourself. Arkham's changed, they've got a new head of security and it's bad in here. Really bad…'_ He trailed off and it felt like he was pulled away and shut out of my brain. I reached out for him but found only blackness and my eyes snapped open.

"Scarecrow?" My voice was weak and strained and my eyes burned from crying. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around me from behind and I saw his tarry blood on his fingers. "You're hurt." I stroked one of his hands with mine and tried to roll over to see him.

"**Don't V. I'm hurt pretty bad and so are most of the guys. I don't want you to see me like this.**" His voice was a strangled horse whisper and a chill ran up my spine. I harshly flipped over and nearly fainted at the state Crow was in. His burlap face was ripped and torn to the point that his eyes were bleeding tar and he was missing great chunks of his straw hair. His hat was completely gone and his shirt and pants were torn and bloody. His skin was mottled with bruises and it almost looked like several of his bones were broken. His autopsy scar had been recently re-sewn shut and the skin around it was swollen and almost infected looking. He looked like he was at death's door and a strangled cry escaped my lips.

"Scarecrow what happened to you, oh baby please don't die on me." I softly stroked his face and pulled back with tears streaming down my face as he flinched from my touch. There wasn't an inch of his flesh I could touch without him being in pain and my heart felt like it was cracking apart inside of me.

"**I refuse to die and leave you and my babies alone.**" He paused to take a painful gasping breath as one of his hands softly stroked my stomach. He paused to cup his hand around where the babies lay and licked his lips. A few of his sharp teeth were gone and there seemed to be a multitude of injuries in his mouth. His tongue was pale and covered in a frothy foamy tar.

"How can I help you Crow, tell me what I can do to make you stronger. To fix you up…I need to hold you." I wanted to touch his face again and this time he leaned into my caress even though I could see pain shoot across his features. I wanted to bandage him up and make him better but I wasn't sure where to even start.

"**In order to heal V I have to rest, I can't because Johnnie boy's not letting me in. They've got him back on the drugs and he's in a coma half the time. If I rest in you you'll be unprotected and I refuse to do that to you. Even if you call me I won't be able to jump to your aid or even answer until I'm patched up enough to carry on.**" He took a shuddering breath and some tar leaked out of his mouth onto the bed. He looked like he was about gone and I grabbed him by his noose and kissed him as if he were dying.

"Rest in me Crow, because I swear to god that if you die on me I will trudge through whichever layer of hell you go to and bring you back." I wasn't sure if it were possible to bring him back if he died but I wasn't going to lose him.

"**My scream queen, my beautiful blazing ember.**" He put a taloned hand against my cheek and pulled me down for another kiss. His tongue snaked into my mouth and for a moment I couldn't breathe and it felt like death itself was ripping my soul from me. My vision darkened for a moment and when it cleared he was gone, a dark tar stain on the bed was all the remained. Was I too late, was he gone?

'_**I love you V. I'm here even if you can't reach me remember that I'm in here and healing. Don't lose yourself to the fear.'**_ His voice seemed to echo in my head until it was gone and I took a shuddering breath while placing a hand over my babies. Someone had nearly killed my Scarecrow. Jonathan could be in even worse shape, oh god what about Joker and Edward? I took a deep breath knowing that my mind was going to be silent until either Jonathan or Crow woke up. I had no one left to save me; I had to start saving myself. I closed my eyes for a moment and rolled back into the pile of my mens pillows. It could be a long while until they returned and I wanted to ingrain each of their scents into my head until I would never forget them. I had to stop being Victoria for awhile and become Mystery full time. I am Mystery, wife to the dark ones. Mother to their children, and mommy was pissed.


End file.
